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| Dollface |
I never quite know how to feel when people cry “oh, a girl like you shouldn't be single!” Part of me wants to feel flattered at their inference that I'm a bloody good catch, however my ego is largely suffocated by the rising indignation at their insinuation that being single is up there with terminal illness and, say, loss of limb on the Fuck-My-Life-O-Meter.
There's a lot to be said for being in a relationship. That feeling of you and them against the world, regular sex, soul-melting intimacy, back scratches, takeawaysandsofa, love, partnership, the food shop becoming somewhat less laborious because of the simple fact that they're with you, little in-jokes, stupid sentimentality that would make others lose their lunch but makes you all gooey inside.
When you're in the thick of it and everything's wonderful, you could bottle that feeling and flog it, safe in the knowledge that you're going to be a squillionaire in approximately one week. It's potent, blissful, and The Best Thing In The World. Believe me, I know the appeal of being in a relationship.
However, let it be known that I know the appeal of single living, too. The selfishness, the freedom, the platter of potential experiences that is laid out in front of you (fnaaar), the experimentation, the liberty.
I think it's fair to say that I've enjoyed my wilderness year. However, I can enthusiastically and proudly proclaim that the main reason I'm single is because my standards are incredibly – and some would say unrealistically – high.
Time, experience, and wistful conversations with like-minded friends have led me to the conclusion that the likelihood of me finding someone who fits the following criteria is incredibly slim:
- Older than me (alright, not that hard. I'm not exactly jailbait but my bus pass is a long way off)
- Physically attractive (again, not hard, looks aren't everything, but that spark has to be there otherwise I'm going to be imagining someone else's cock in my mouth, and that's never a good thing)
- As sadistic as I want/need them to be (i.e. have no qualms in essentially fucking me up, living with the black eye they gave me, not getting an attack of conscience when my lip is bleeding and I'm sobbing and begging them to stop)
- Smarter than me (I'm not a genius, but I'm subtly manipulative and it's tripped many a man up. I want someone who is one step ahead of me at all times and will put a stop to that behaviour, thank you very much)
- Local (I've reacquainted myself with my beloved hometown, and my relocating days are behind me for the foreseeable future)
- Faithful (without wanting to sound like a jaded old harpie, not cheating on me would be nice)
- Witty (making me laugh will get you into my knickers. FACT)
- And, you know what...I wouldn't mind him loving me, too.
And this is where the problem really sits. I am yet to find someone who can love me, and do all the Stupid Couple Stuff and have pet names for my boobs, but who in the next breath can have his knuckles pressed against my poor eye socket. I know of a very, very rare few who have found this, but they can definitely be counted on one hand and have plenty of digits left over.
So. Here is Dollface's chicken and egg dilemma. Am I single because I haven't found someone to experience domesticated bliss with a side order of sickening violence, or am I single because I have effectively resigned myself to not finding this and therefore punctuate my life with awesome fucks and casual brutality?
I read that list above and wonder if I have made it deliberately unobtainable. Contrary to popular belief, I am not the sort that has massively high expectations of people, or who will dismiss someone because they do not fit a certain bill. But, it has to be said, I have sometimes denied myself people who tick so many of the relevant boxes but not quite all.
But I have compromised before – why, at the ripe old age of 25, should I start that habit again?
I have loved, and been loved. I know how amazing it feels, believe me. But what price am I prepared to pay for that? Am I prepared to cash in my life as I know it, a life that I've got back on track and tailored to my own needs?
My selfishness – if you can call distinctly unselfish little old me that – is costing me dearly. But it seems it's a price I'm willing to pay.
My Carrie Bradshaw moment ends here (i.e. self-indulgent claptrap that involves me breaking The Fourth Wall). I have my health, the best friends in the world, a small but loving family and some truly violent sorts who have been kind enough to bless me with their fists.
So I don't have someone to speak to in a stupid voice that only they hear, or leave notes in their overnight bags, or cook favourite meals for.
Perhaps I should finally accept that someone who loves me cannot give me what I want. But that doesn't mean that I won't keep a sneaky eye out for it. But not just yet.
After all...I come first. For now.
Edited Sun 18 Apr 10, 10:21 PM by Dollface
| 18 Apr 10, 10:26 PM FairyGirl UK(YO), 3 yrs   |
This is the way forward for me, presently. Not cheating on me would be a fucking good start! Plus your list resonates a lot with mine. Good times! "Nothing saves anyone's life, Sir. It just postpones their death." - Posner , The History Boys. | |
| 18 Apr 10, 10:29 PM poutanaki UK(M), 10 yrs |
Nothing useful to add, just wanted to reply because we seem to be in a similar place and a similar mindset. Scarily so.
Your so pretty when your on your knees. Disinfected, eager to please | |
| 19 Apr 10, 12:39 AM jukejointjezabel 5 yrs |
Great blog. Stop rummaging in my head and writing my thoughts better than I could. (I'm currently rediscovering the joys of sleeping star- shaped diagonally across the bed, having control of the TV remote and a lack of skiddies in the toilet. Small pleasures, eh?) J x | |
| 19 Apr 10, 1:25 AM Litany UK(E), 11 yrs  |
if I didnt fancy you already now I would
"Litany, a poncy show-off with wit, a camera, and his own teeth *swoon*"
Fen "You have some strange taste in music"
Me "If I didn't, I wouldn't be half as interesting" | |
| 19 Apr 10, 3:02 AM mcnulty UK, 2 yrs |
"So I don't have someone to speak to in a stupid voice that only they hear" Now I don't believe that part to be true. | |
| 19 Apr 10, 8:37 AM Dominion UK(BS), 8 yrs |
I think you are soo right to be choosy, if your not, why would you think the guy you end up with finally is choosy too. Having met you, I would agree with you, you have some qualities to offer a Dom, and it can be a pain sometimes, just waiting around till someone finds you. But I sure as hell know, thats the best way to be, because to settle for less than you want is fatal. I'd say stick it out, dont even think of a compromise, and he or even she ( suprising things happen LOL ) will turn up exactly when you least expect them to. | |
| 19 Apr 10, 11:22 AM cheeky_scouser UK(L), 2 yrs |
This person speaks alot of sense At least you are optimistic appreciate the good sides to whatever situation your in. The only way too be in my book. And as far as your 'Mr Right', i think there is loads of people that will tick all your boxes. Especially given the fact your still only 25.
I do have the feeling if you bumped into someone who didnt tick alllll the boxes but still fell in love,or felt that 'spark' your opinion might change a little on the box ticking leway. Especially if he still likes to pull your hair and give you a the odd punch in the face
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| 19 Apr 10, 12:21 PM Doghouse_Reilly UK(MK), 6 yrs |
How hard do you have to be made to laugh before knickers access is granted? Cos if it's hard enough that you wet yourself that's going to complicate things. Science isn't about why, it's about why not. You ask: Why is so much of our science dangerous? I say: Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. | |
| 19 Apr 10, 9:27 PM Dollface UK, 6 yrs  |
Great minds, love "When you're going through hell, keep going." | |
| 19 Apr 10, 9:33 PM Dollface UK, 6 yrs |
Great minds part two!
"When you're going through hell, keep going." |
. You sound to me like you are already very happy with your life at the moment,but just sill very aware of how life would be in a relationship.