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| relaxed1 |
on Thu 15 Apr 10, 8:45 PM to relaxed1's blog.
This was prompted by a very sweet memo I received from @mini_velvet, following my posting on the thread on The first time you saw him/her.
It set me thinking, because when I posted it was without a great deal of though. That is not to say that my words were not sincere, or truthful, just that I hadn't considered the real truth behind that thread – for me at least.
You see, the past few years have been tough, to put it mildly. A wise man would probably have shut himself away in a dark corner and not attempted to make new acquaintances, let alone start new relationships. However, I am not that wise man and whilst I wasn't actively looking for a relationship, several happened.
Now, for me (and like as not my partners in those relationships) I had only focused on the detritus that remained after the relationships finished. It is true to say that I am not well-versed in the art of reacting appropriately to the end of a relationship. However, at that time in my life, I was less able to manage it in the way that I would have wished to. I make no bones about it, mea culpa and all that.
But that thread, with the prompting of Ms Velvet, suddenly made me see things in a new light so that, far from focusing on said detritus, I focused on the other end of the relationship, the things that made me abandon my better instincts and hurl myself headlong into the folly (as it undoubtedly was at the time) of a relationship. It was a case of, as the redoubtable Oscar Wilde once said “I can resist everything except temptation”.
Once I thought about the beginnings of the relationships, I remembered the beauty (in every respect) of the women whom I had met, the reasons for throwing caution to the wind and the whole “wow” factor that had accompanied it.
As always, meeting had been preceded by a goodly amount of correspondence, and more than the occasional phone call, but it was the thrill of meeting that I am now unable to get out of my head.
With hindsight, of course, whilst as I acknowledged earlier, a wiser man than I would never have met up at all. So do I regret it? Do I regret that the doors of opportunity with several women are now closed whereas, had I been more circumspect, the same opportunities might knock now? Well, yes and no. My instincts tell me never to regret the past, it is a part of my history. And there is no doubt that these wonderful women taught me more about myself, unwittingly, than they or I could ever have imagined.
I do regret that I was not better able to manage either the relationships or the fallout. But for the learning experience, I will never be able to repay the debt that I owe to them. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. You know who you are, and I wish you only the best in life; it is no less than you deserve.
