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| yareli |
Thinking about action and consequence and the human brain's capacity to make a connection between the two (admittedly only after a certain age and a fair amount of trial and error) the question of rights, privilege and responsibility presented itself to me.
It occurred to me that the three could be used to measure the maturity of dominance. For example, a self-centred individual might (or more likely does) consider it his (or her) right to do whatever they please. In the unfortunate event that such a person considers him/herself to be dominant, they would be likely to exercise their perceived right should they come across a sufficiently gullible submissive. With such a self serving perception of right comes no notion of responsibility, or the appreciation that it might be a privilege to be in such a relationship. The result is inevitably the use of another person for one's own gain and while this is sustainable in the short term it never makes for a fulfilling long term relationship. It also requires well-honed skills of manipulation and deception.
At the next level, a dominant may view the submission of another as a privilege to be enjoyed and some even consider it to be one that has to be earned.
However, it is only with the realisation of responsibility towards the submissive that the possibility of a meaningful long term D/s relationship develops. The most obvious is the responsibility for the sub's physical well-being, should they also indulge in pain related activities. To many this might seem quite a basic understanding, but sadly, not all seem to grasp that responsibility.
Most physical wounds generally heal faster than psychological and emotional wounds and so it is to a much deeper level of responsibility that I refer. It is to me the understanding of the responsibility for another's long term emotional well-being that separates the wheat from the chaff when it comes to those of a dominant persuasion. And so I will venture to say that it is in my opinion the knowledge, understanding and appreciation of responsibility that determines whether or not a person is a good dominant.
The same concepts can be applied to submissives, albeit in a slightly different sense. While it is all very well to hand over oneself to a dominant person, the ultimate responsibility for self remains with the submissive – even if it is only the responsibility to get up and walk out when one's safety is in question. Even more so when one's emotional well-being is threatened.
As a submissive, one has to recognise that the temporary handing over of responsibility to a dominant is a privilege and not a right. All the more reason to make sure it is handed over to one who is worthy of holding it.
In the same way as a self-centred “dominant” considers another's submission a right, so does an immature and self-centred “submissive” consider it a right to have their list of “must-do-to-me” requirements ticked.
When one considers submission and dominance to be a right one ends up in “for the moment”, “having fun” situations “because it feels good”. Of course, those are completely legitimate reasons for play sessions, but they fall short of the requirements for fulfilling long term D/s relationships.
I believe that, as with all lasting relationships, it is in the balance of privilege and responsibility that D/s finds its most meaningful expression.
The question posed to me then was: “What about right and obligation within such a relationship?” My first response was that, as in other relationships, there are none. Neither has the right to anything, and neither is obliged to do anything. This is in my opinion true in essence but at the same time it is terribly simplistic.
As I am privileged enough to be in a D/s relationship with a suitably responsible dominant he took the time and effort to demonstrate to me in a practical fashion that nothing is ever quite that simple. Thus, I can now conclude that I have no obligation other than to make the choice to stay or to leave. Once I have chosen to stay, he then has the right to do whatever his sense of responsibility allows him to do.
At any given time I have both the right and responsibility towards myself to re-evaluate my choice to stay or to leave. At the start of such a relationship this may be a series of conscious decisions, but as time goes by and I become more and more comfortable with handing myself over to him it becomes implied and inherent to the relationship – as does his right to do with me as he pleases.
Edited for late night punctuation errors.
Edited Tue 6 Apr 10, 7:14 AM by yareli
| 6 Apr 10, 12:05 AM leSalaud UK(DG), 2 yrs  |
An insightful blog on how mature D/s relationships should work. Und plötzlich, weißt Du : Es ist Zeit, etwas Neues zu beginnen und dem Zauber des Anfangs zu vertrauen |
| 6 Apr 10, 12:46 AM TheSilverFox  UK(GU), 2 yrs    |
I totally agree... "The art of being a Gentleman is knowing when not to be" Quote:TheSilverFox - Circa 1986 |
| 6 Apr 10, 8:26 AM kris_kink UK(SW), 3 yrs |
An eloquent , insightful read. Thank you. |
