This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| 6 Apr 10, 3:41 PM bondagekitten UK(G), 6 yrs   |
I had the orgazam problem on various anti-depressants. I think the lack of being able to "pop" was one of the main factors in my lack of sex drive. I am now off meds and can cum again but when it was happening it was horrible, he would try loads of different things and the amount of money we spent on buzzy toys wasn't great. As for seroxat, speak to your doctor as your planning to and ask about a switch. I found changing helped with some of the problems, but the main thing that helped was good councilling, I'm not fantastic now but am coping better day to day. Try to get your GP to refer you to someone who can help you with the root problem of your depression. It won't be easy but it should help you towards being ready to come off your medication in proper time. Good luck | |
| 6 Apr 10, 3:58 PM Lady_Em UK, 2 yrs |
I have been on a series of anti-depressants for 17 years to help treat chronic pain. I also had the low sex-drive/ difficulty orgasming problem until my GP suggested trying one of the herbal supplements found in Tesco etc for the menopause. His reasoning was that the same difficulties can occur with women during the menopause and the combinations of vitamins etc etc could help. I'm not talking about the black cohosh and those herbal remedies but the one I ended up with is "menopace" which is a bit more simple. Obviously this should only be of help to women but could be worth trying by some of you. | |
| 6 Apr 10, 5:52 PM little_imp UK(BN), 3 yrs  |
It's important that you ask yourself - is this a problem? Do you want it to change? Because, just 'having a low sex drive' isn't a BAD thing, necessarily. Any more than having a high sex drive is. If both your mind and body, just ain't that into it, then why try and change? You wouldn't try and change a particularly low interest in eating, would you? Not unless it was damaging your physical health or self-esteem. Accepting who and what you are, can be a lifetime's work. If, however, having a low libido makes you miserable, if you're looking down at your cock and screaming inside your head, 'why? For the love of god, why doesn't my cock care about the naked women with da big boobies juggling coconuts in front of me?' then it's time to take a different approach. I totally agree with what others have said. This medication clearly isn't working for you, so it's worth going back to the doctor as a first step, to discuss. It's scary and embarassing, having that conversation with a doctor. Get over it. Do you want to get hard, or do you not? Again - maybe it just doesn't bother you that much. Maybe all you need, is to be told it's OKAY to not be bothered much about sex. That you have worth, value, plenty to offer, without that. How would you feel, if you had to choose between A) never having sex again, but knowing - being ABSOLUTELY UNDOUBTEDLY SURE OF - your own high value, that you were loved, that you were respected and liked, that your life was fulfilling and satisfying, or B) having loads of sex, wanting loads of sex, but continuing to feel the same way in terms of self-esteem, that you feel now. Maybe think about it - take some time to reflect on your answer and what it might mean for you. I wish you so very well. There are many many ways to be of value. Only a tiny fraction revolve around sex. I like tea. | |
| 7 Apr 10, 12:41 AM clubslut UK(B), 4 yrs |
Regarding possible side effects of the meds, I can only echo what others are saying and have a chat with your GP. If there are any online support groups you can go to then try that as it can help to know that you're not the only one with the same problem. I had a codeine habit for a loooooong time which can also impair your sex drive. Fortunately I found a really good site where people could share information and experiences. Thanks to them I was able to kick the habit and have been clean ever since. Also, are all your bits in good working order? If you are physically able to get an erection and ejaculate, even it if takes a fair bit of encouragement, then it could be just a case of learning to relax. If you have the love,trust and support of your partner, then you have a real chance to make this work. If you are constantly worrying about it, then the battle for you is to try and stop worrying. The male ego is a fragile thing, and having had my self confidence all but destroyed at one stage in the past, I know from experience that it can get to a stage where you are so hung up on worrying about pleasing your partner that you can't relax, and this is pretty much all you can think of. Anyway, I hope some of this helps. Some of it may be relevant to you, some of it may not. See your GP, and try and stop worrying. Easier said than done I know, but if you both TRULY love each other, then hopefully you can find a way through this together. Good luck steve If there's something you'd like to try,
If there's something you'd like to try,
Ask me I won't say no, how could I? -
The Smiths | |
| 8 Apr 10, 1:11 AM tiggerGlasgow UK(EH), 6 yrs |
I've been on the other side of the issue and it was hell on earth, but then the person I was with at the time did or said nothing to help me feel attractive or desired, it was not an open relationship. I think the fact that you have that openness and that you at least try and reassure her will help immensely. What I would suggest, if you don't already, is trying to get her aroused and excited and help her relive tension rather than it being something she is left to take care of herself, even if you're not having penetrative sex it will still help her to feel better and more attractive and more desired. It might also help you find your mojo now and then. You will find the strength to change meds. Perhaps not tomorrow or next week but you will find it. It can't be much fun for you either as the side effects aren't exactly going to make you feel better about yourself. You're both fab and I'm sure she know exactly how much she means to you. "A life without pain has no meaning" Athrur Schopenhauer | |
| 8 Apr 10, 11:31 AM PlayerOfGames UK(E), 5 yrs |
Good for you. Lots of good advice in this thread. Remember to keep talking to your partner so that you both remember that your relationship is more than just sex.
The low sex drive may be partly due to depression, and partly due to medication, and partly due to a bunch of other things. Just keep at it | |
| 8 Apr 10, 12:21 PM BellaRoivas UK(G), 6 yrs |
Hi Sweevo! You really aren't alone with this problem. I've suffered from depression for about a decade, and it's only within the last couple of years that I've properly learned to live with it. I was on Seroxat too for a while, and it *really* didn't agree with me. Changing medication is pretty tough (I've done it at least 5 times) but when you do finally find one that suits you, it makes such a huge difference. On my last set of meds I experienced a complete loss of sex drive, which really upset me, so I marched straight to my doctor and told him that I wanted a change! He completely agreed with me, and swapped me onto a new set straight away. You have to remember that doctors are adults, and have probably heard everything before, so there's really no need to be embarrassed about talking to them.
Medication can really help, but it isn't the only thing when it comes to beating depression. I found that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy really helped me out, as did counseling and the unending support from my wonderful partner. I would highly suggest looking up "CBT For Dummies" on Amazon and giving it a try! The important thing to remember is that you're not alone, and that you *can* get through this. Feel free to IM me if you want to know anything else. Bella x
P.S. I love Guitar Hero too! Pandora is my favourite character. Visit my kinky world at http://www.bellaroivas.com Edited 8 Apr 10, 12:24 PM by BellaRoivas | |
| 8 Apr 10, 12:52 PM Mistress_Eliza UK, 2 yrs £ |
Hi I think you need to resolve your depression i.e what are the main causes. Then start working on how to change these life issues. I have suffered since my teens with depression. I began looking at my life in different ways, why was I so depressed, what upsets me the most and how can I CHANGE. I then started making very small changes and tried doing things that I would never have tried. Such changeing areas of my diet, walking more and looking around whilst out walking. Nature, people, places and so on. I then started saying hello to people whilst on my walks and many would speak to me. That began to increase my confidance. Once I started gaining some confidance, I started to feel a little better. I then went back into education, met new people and learnt about new things, but more about myself as a person. Now I'm a Dominatrix and have more confidance. Yes I still get depressed, but I know more about how to deal with depression and my reactions to depression. | |
| 14 Apr 10, 5:14 AM ocimum_sanctum UK(EH), 2 yrs |
On the whole medication side: Belle_Presidente's suggestion of Wellbutrin (Bupropion) was the first thing that came to my mind as well, as it doesn't have the same issues as SSRIs in that respect. In depression it is usually used as an adjuvant (is that the right word?) with an already prescribed SSRI. You'd need to check it it plays nice with paroxetine though, if it does it may allow you to reduce the dosage of paroxetine and still remain in a therapeutic range. Mirtazapine is also reported not to negatively affect sexual function, although it does encourage weight gain and would obviously require a total switch in your meds. For either of these options, you will need a friendly/obliging psychiatrist; they are out there but may require convincing, and may also be able to give better suggestions. Prescription meds don't tend to agree with me, so I can't offer much first hand experience. However there are some groups on facebook that I used to use that I'm fairly sure had a number of discussion threads on this topic (if you memo me, I can send across links). On a different and possibly more practical note: When you wake up in the morning, do you have an erection? If you don't then it's perhaps an idea to double-check things with your GP as there may be a physiological reason. If you do then it's likely to be primarily psychological which you can find solutions for. Other folk have suggested exercise, which if you maintain will almost certainly help. There are some alternative remedies which can assist; most of them I'd rule out if you're on prescription medication but there are a few which are very benign... raw garlic springs to mind (although I can't imagine your other half being particularly pleased). Have you looked at time of day as variable you can use to your advantage (I think men are usually more active in the morning)?
| |
| 14 Apr 10, 12:45 PM Fire_Fox UK(DD), 3 yrs |
My partner noticed this and sent me a link. I know how you feel, as I have a similar problem at the moment, except I'm being treated for cancer. My partner is very understanding too, so I quite understand about you worrying that she feels unappreciated. I've not read all the comments but from what I saw there's lots of good advice. Speak to your doctor and if one thing doesn't work try something else. All I can add is to try not to let it get you down, worrying about worries solves nothing and only makes them worse and don't give up. Yes, I know it's easier said than done but, though it seems like the end of the world, it isn't. It's at times like this that you find out who your real friends are, let them help you through it.
Mind what people do, not only what they say for deeds will betray a lie. Edited 14 Apr 10, 12:49 PM by Fire_Fox |
