Posted by Ksoc_Tuppep on Sun 4 Apr 10, 9:43 PM to Ksoc_Tuppep's blog.
If you don't get the title reference watch the movie "Team America".
I'm really pissed off. More pissed off than a BBC reporter who's done more takes than he's happy with in pouring rain. That pissed off.
And the reason for my malaise - I'm not getting any. In fact I'd say 2010 was a complete no-hitter until I remembered that single run. And that wasn't even a home run.
After showing such offensive lack of sensitivity no women reading this might be surprised. But honestly, people don't know I'm this desperate and bitter in real life. I conceal it well beneath a veil of a cheerful confidence and merry cynicism. I was trying to work out the source of my loss of confidence until I realised the last two women I've blind dated, control freaks with severe psychological problems in relation to maintaining emotional relationships - in other words good bets because they should have been desperate, dumped me without any warning. This has not always been the case. Usually my strike rate is higher than this. Not usually spectacularly higher than this but better. When I look at the reasons I suppose a period of depression leading to what I think was in the region of a 15 kg weight gain and less attention to personal grooming might have been contributing factors. However due to a recent health scare I'm now shedding weight faster than John Prescott after a heavy meal (keep up at the back) and my financial star has (briefly) brightened so Lonsdale and Sports Direct shares might be a good buy.
But the truth is - a lot of posts here by men are - I'm single, desperate and want sex. Please fuck me. Actually no - this is IC - I'm single, desperate, and want kinky sex. Please fuck me in this defined perverse fashion. Of course we generally disguise our desperate pleas under a facade of erudition and wit otherwise everyone else takes the piss. That's certainly what my alternate ID does.
Anyway I'm single, desperate and want kinky sex. I DO want a relationship too but if going shopping for home furnishings and seeing your mother is my part of the bargain providing me with kinky sex is yours.
Whilst being a bitter failure isn't usually the most attractive advertising feature (although better here than Plenty of Fish - some people here may like it. There again if you're a 35+ woman and not Sam Taylor Wood let's face it the chances of getting a man who isn't are lottery percentages)
I can offer a number of benefits.
1) I don't look like I've just come from an audition for an extra for the cantina scene in Star Wars. Anyone who's been to Lash knows that's a significant issue.
2) I have not been hospitalised for any form of mental illness (Lash again - think about it).
3) I earn above twice the national mean (fuck it - if this was the USA that would be in the top three questions)
4) I have working bollocks with the DNA test results to prove it.
5) I WOULD know how lucky I was and behave accordingly.
6) If you are dating anyone smarter and funnier than me watch out - Russell isn't going to be faithful and the leather trousered jester look won't be so appealing once he hits thirty.
So if you're female, attractive, and single and would be prepared to offer me a sympathy fuck (or any other sort of fuck - as you might have guessed I'm not preparing particularly high benchmarks here) please drop me a line.
Actually single isn't actually an essential.
Nor to be honest is attractive.
Female is a sticking point. Unless you're a damn convincing TV with a fetish for cleaning.
Ksoc.
Edited Sun 4 Apr 10, 10:01 PM by Ksoc_Tuppep
