Stupid lyrics (11)

For your consideration.

Bon Jovi Balls - In These Arms "Baby I want you like the roses want the rain, you know I need you like a poet needs the pain"

(I think Jon Bon is the poet, fuck that's deep)

The award for 2nd year Emo Poetry is split between Lenny Kravitz 'Fly Away'

"I wish that I could fly Into the sky So very high Just like a dragonfly"

and Des'ree 'Life'

"I don't want to see a ghost, It's a sight that I fear most I'd rather have a piece of toast"

Wonderful wonderful stuff.

My least favourite song lyrically is Carly Simons 'You're so Vain'

"you're so vain, you porbably think this song is about you'

Has nothing to with vanity if he does, and everything to do with accuracy, hate that song.

MacArthur Park

".... and were pressed,

In love's hot, fevered iron

Like a striped pair of pants

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark

All the sweet, green icing flowing down...

Someone left the cake out in the rain

and I don't think that I can take it

'cause it took so long to bake it

and I'll never have that recipe again

Oh, no!"

Oh, no indeed

fruity

For the moment I'll go with The Adverts-Gary Gilmore's Eyes

Gary don't need his eyes to see

Gary and his eyes have parted company

"Jesus saves",painted by an atheist nutter.

Anyway my favourite example of bad lyrics must be ABC's That Was Then, This Is Now, where Martin Fry achieves a first in popular music when he uses the phrase 'apple crumble':

'More sacrifices than an Aztec priest

Standing here straining at that leash

All fall down

Can't complain, mustn't grumble

Help yourself to another piece of apple crumble.'

Some other examples here:

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/music/article-2339...

Richtea wrote: Ooh, I like these sorts of things. I'm just off to play golf, so I may have to return to this. For the moment I'll go with The Adverts-Gary Gilmore's Eyes Gary don't need his eyes to see Gary and his eyes have parted company

The poon won't come flocking if you sit and do nothing.

"It's not a bird, it's not a plane,

It must be Dave who's on the train!"

Ah semen. What is it about that ridiculous white secretion that pulls down the corners of an Englishman's mouth?
The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation - Pierre Trudeau
A denizen of a right little, tight little island.

Now, stalking was deemed quite a respectable pastime in those days, (it's always the few who ruin it for the rest of us ), so I followed her in. Anyway, long story short, we played doubles on a pinball machine.

I did say it was a tad tenuous.

night_porter wrote: Interestingly the very wonderful Gaye Advert was interviewed on Radio 4 this week (by none other than Pauline of The Selecter) Anyway my favourite example of bad lyrics must be ABC's That Was Then, This Is Now, where Martin Fry achieves a first in popular music when he uses the phrase 'apple crumble': 'More sacrifices than an Aztec priest Standing here straining at that leash All fall down Can't complain, mustn't grumble Help yourself to another piece of apple crumble.' Some other examples here: http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/music/article-2339... Richtea wrote: Ooh, I like these sorts of things. I'm just off to play golf, so I may have to return to this. For the moment I'll go with The Adverts-Gary Gilmore's Eyes Gary don't need his eyes to see Gary and his eyes have parted company

"Jesus saves",painted by an atheist nutter.

Edited 21 Mar 10, 2:43 PM by Richtea

Dear god I remember that! You have to wonder what the fuck her recording company were doing allowing that through, rather than just punching her squarely in the face.

My daughter (five) has taken to watching the music channels instead of Cbeebies (which is apparently now 'too boring' for her, but that's a story for another time), and so sadly I am regularly lambasted with such delights as rappers boasting that they "got so many clothes [or 'cloves' as he so eloquently pronounces it] I keep some at my aunt's house", as well as the the fascinating snippet of geographical information: "I bin ta Scunthorpe (scunforp) but I never bin Southampton (saarfamptun)". A small part of me dies inside every time this comes on.

However, this pales in comparison to Shakira's 2002 ode to her breasts being small and humble (so you don't confuse them with mountains, apparently). I shit you not.

Favourite misheard lyrics of mine include Frank Turner's friend Amy being unable to enjoy her life properly because she was 'so wrapped up in her invisible llama' (I was delighted to find I was not the only one who'd made this mistake, the correct lyric being 'armour', of course).

Oh, and the time that he was 'working on some words when Sarah called him up, and said her legs had gone to sleep (and wasn't waking up)". After a few more listens I learnt he was describing a mutual friend of theirs - Lex - who'd lost her battle with cancer. It made much more sense after that.

There are probably more but I need to absorb some caffeine right now.

------------------------------------------
"Oh bother," said the borg. "We've assimilated Pooh..."

The clumsiness of this line has always got right on my thruppnee bits. One of my time travel fantasies involves going back in time and changing the name of the author of 'Lolita' to see whether or not Sting comes up with an equally bone-idle lyric.

'It's no use, he sees her, he starts to wank under the table, just like that old man in that book by Isaac Babel.'

'It's no use, he sees her, he starts to grin like a Moomin, just like that old man in that book by Mikhail Bakunin.'

'It's no use, he sees her, he explains to her how socialism is built on sand, just like that old man in that book by Ayn Rand.'

If Sting had spent less time tantriclly shagging for days on end and more time looking for better rhymes for Nabakov then I would spend less time sending him my turds in the post.

Dum-diddy-dum-diddy-dum-diddy-VEGETABLE GARDEN! Dum-diddy-dum-diddy-dumdumdum-dum-diddy-dumdum-CORN !
Soon the corn will be as high as an elephant's eye!

Hahahahaha! I need my fecking inhaler now...

Saw this one:

"They paved Paradise, and put up a parking lot"

Singularly fails to point out that this would in fact alleviate congestion on the outskirts of Paradise.

Ah semen. What is it about that ridiculous white secretion that pulls down the corners of an Englishman's mouth?
The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation - Pierre Trudeau
A denizen of a right little, tight little island.

A-ha! Alan Partridge would most certainly agree.

The poon won't come flocking if you sit and do nothing.