This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Tue 16 Mar 10, 11:49 PM blackat13 SG, 3 yrs |
Hello everyone. It's been awhile since I've said much, so it will be good to have a chat with you all once more. I'm a switch, so it's easy enough for me to explore both my sadistic and masochistic sides, but in talking to a potential sub I started thinking about whether anyone orders their sub to deliver pain. Essentially, are there any masochistic Dom(me)s out there who don't switch? While there are some actions like spanking and such which would seem to denote bottoming, there are other things like biting, scratching etc. which one could conceivably tell a sub to do without it being an order for your sub to top you. Does anyone have any experience of this? | |
| 17 Mar 10, 2:16 AM OllieVW 3 yrs  |
Im sure there are lots. The term service top is branded about (labels), and my perception of this is someone who tops but gains no personal pleasure from the act itself only from pleasing the other. 9 times out of 10 Im always the one who for a better word co-ordinates my particular style of pleasure whether its traveling to a specific event, dropping hints or just basicly asking my partner or someone at a club. Im certainly not topping as there is no D/s in my dynamic, and I dont tend to look at switching within sadomasochism as I personaly feel they go hand in hand as I come up with alot of my own ideas but thats purely my own view.
"denil isnae just a riva in Egypt" Terry Lawson - Glue by Irvine Welsh | |
| 17 Mar 10, 3:29 AM SnowdropExplodes UK(TN), 7 yrs  |
Heh - one of my favourite scenes went something like this: Masochist sub decides to earn herself a bit of "punishment" - by slapping my bottom. Rather than "teach her a lesson", I decided to teach her a lesson in how to deliver a good, proper, spanking! She wasn't allowed to stop until she had managed to deliver several really good, hard, stinging smacks to my backside, and of course, she didn't get out of it anything that she'd wanted, whereas I (a Dominant with both sadistic and masochistic tendencies) got plenty of pleasure from it! | |
| 17 Mar 10, 5:39 AM Istanblues UK, 4 yrs |
i guess one needs to indulge in play with a switch to be able to pull that one off and communication of each others desires and what makes them tick in switching is key. im a switch and dom most times but i feel its great with switches who have a bit of experience. going witht he flow is the best way forward. | |
| 17 Mar 10, 8:39 AM BooteDom UK(NR), 6 yrs |
I find the two sides entirely different.Whilst being Dom gives me a definite sexual kick being a bottom doesn't really involve the sexual side at all. I still have cane marks from 18 days ago when my sub delivered a very efficient and most enjoyable series of strokes.I think my motivation is largely achieving subspace.On this occasion it wasn't conventional subspace as it still hurt quite a bit but after it was over I felt rather as if I was drunk. The sub was attempting to get an apology/confession,which I am proud to say she didn't achieve. | |
| 17 Mar 10, 8:57 AM Caracal UK(SS), 5 yrs      |
Isn't a masochistic dominant a switch... http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/dictionary/Swit... The nice lady with the whip. | |
| 17 Mar 10, 10:53 AM AlexCobra UK(WC), 6 yrs |
Oh yeah. One of the reasons I'm good with whips is because I know what it's like to be on the receiving end - and the great difference between a good and bad whipping. Subs, slaves, bottoms... whatever, are generally the ones in receipt of sensory input so it's quite right that they should get some work done for a change. Some subs are entirely incapable of hitting anything or anyone but most can be taught how to handle a whip or cane and the ones who are too selfish to oblige should be sent on their way on the end of a good kick. Yrs. &c., | |
| 17 Mar 10, 11:09 AM Goldilocks UK(SE), 5 yrs |
Yeah, you can find Dominant men and woman who have masochistic urges. Dom/mes who can also enjoy pain and get an erotic thrill from it. I don't think it makes them any less of a Dominant. Nor do I think it makes them a switch, necessarily. And, sure, they can tell their partner that they enjoy certain things and then these things can occur without it necessarily being called bottoming. They're all just terms and labels that we just use to try and make order of things and clarify things for ourselves. And I know a few masochistic Dom/mes anyway. So, yeah, they're definitely out there. And why wouldn't they be? Mashochism rocks!! Pain <3 xX Goldie Xx | |
| 17 Mar 10, 11:22 AM Caracal UK(SS), 5 yrs |
Ding ding, the good ship 'Switch' is about to set off up de Nile. Plenty of room for sadistic submissives and masochistic dominants. The nice lady with the whip. | |
| 17 Mar 10, 7:51 PM SnowdropExplodes UK(TN), 7 yrs |
Well, now, that all depends on what you consider the definition of "top" or "bottom" - is it more important that the Dominant remains Dominant throughout, or is it more important that zie is the recipient of pain on occasion? I would argue that because the role and dynamic in the relationship doesn't switch but remains constant, that a masochistic Dom is not a switch because zie is not switching roles. I think zie remains the "top" even though traditionally masochism is seen as a "bottoming" activity - it's not even "topping from the bottom" (although it might be suggested that it is "bottoming from the top"). To me, sadism and masochism are two different types of activity that can take place within my Dom-ness, so it's not "switching" to do both in my book. (I have a different line of argument that says I'm not a switch when it comes to the fact that occasionally I like to sub as well!) Basically, if a person doesn't self-identify as switching, then I don't see that anyone else has a right to attach that label to them. Because BDSM happens so much on a mental level, I think that the internal experience of "is this switching?" is more important than any cut-and-dried definition you can pull out of the air. | |
| 17 Mar 10, 8:22 PM kaleid0scope 6 yrs |
Is this like an AA meeting? *stands up & says*
I am domme, & I enjoy pain, but ONLY on my terms, & nope I have never switched & am not about to *sits back down* If its fair your after, best you go nilla |
