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| Sun 14 Mar 10, 10:18 PM spikes_bear_cub UK(SG), 5 yrs   |
As a trainee sub, I am constantly making mistakes and wondering how I am ever going to learn all there is to learn about being a sub!! Wouldnt it be great if there was a handbook for each individual sub and his/her Dom/Domme to learn from? Or is there..........??? Any handy hints from other subs on how to learn a bit quicker would be very welcome! mnc xxx | |
| 14 Mar 10, 10:20 PM shibari_mike UK(IG), 3 yrs |
Well, the first thing you should learn is that every dom/me is different, and so will expect different things from their subs, so other than the obvious things like doing as your told, there are no set rules and regulations to make you a "proper" sub, it depends on who you are with at the time. A wise-man once told me never to trust anything a wise-man tells you. | |
| 14 Mar 10, 10:22 PM polly_pocket UK(CF), 3 yrs |
I think you will find as soon as you learn one thing, theres another thing to learn!!! i think its called keeping you on your toes!!! Its what makes everything so much fun, and of course, if you always get things right then you wont be punished but thats another issue again!! and, in my experience, the more you learn, the more questions you ask!! I was like a sponge ( and still am!). whatever advice is given, just enjoy!! x | |
| 14 Mar 10, 10:24 PM CarolinaMoon IE, 5 yrs |
You could look at the BDSM Books over there < < < < < < There could be something that might help you? I am not a fan of hand books on how to be sub etc myself.
We are all individuals so I just try to be me as hard as I can If the issue is that you have a lot of new rules etc to remember perhaps you should maybe chat to your dom/me on this. If anyone gave me a whole new set of rules to remember it would be a disaster. My owner just started introducing small things slowly as that they became part or who we are as a couple. He adds things as we go...nice and slow so that I don't baulk and panic and tell him where to shove them.....he knows me well.
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| 14 Mar 10, 10:33 PM Vamp_Mystik UK(WA), 3 yrs |
Im curious to know why on earth a handbook is even needed.. Isnt it about learning to explore with each other. We are all different, Dom/mes and Subs alike... How we are perhaps with one is not the same as another... Rules and protocol's as mentioned in a different thread are not written in stone.. It takes time and effort, patience and pleasure... If you dont quite gel together, maybe that relationship isnt right. We all make mistakes. But Its not about changing your very own essence to suit another. It is about complimenting one another and being you. There again maybe its the difference between, in this case, learning to be submissive and being a natural submissive. For me it comes naturally, but it is the defenitions of the lifestyle that I struggle with sometimes..
The challenge is to be yourself, in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else...... | |
| 14 Mar 10, 11:11 PM go_dutch UK(AL), 4 yrs  |
THE NEW BOTTOMING BOOK. Can't remember the authors but search for it on amazon. It's not a handbook per se, but it's a really interesting and informative about stuff as a whole. I thoroughly recmwnd it as a good read, but (as the authors say themselves) don't take everything written as gospel, we are all different and like different things. Special Ed *WARNING do not click if you cannot take a joke or are too sensitive* "These are the Phenomena that every pretty Domina is hoping at her Universitee we shall see"- W.S Gilbert Cocktail sugges | |
| 14 Mar 10, 11:25 PM Stillyet UK(DG), 2 yrs |
I know others have said this, but it bears repeating. There is not 'one right way' to do this stuff. On the contrary every relationship is necessarily different, and if you carry rules from some stereotyped relationship or someone's preconceptions into your new relationship, it isn't going to work. There will be no handbook for your relationship, unless you write it yourself. And if you write it yourself, it will be out of date before you are finished. ;; Semper in faecibus sumus, sole profundum variat. | |
| 14 Mar 10, 11:28 PM syndeetoo UK(WC), 6 yrs |
No. | |
| 14 Mar 10, 11:38 PM Fitznicely UK(B), 2 yrs |
Who's deciding that you're making loads of mistakes? What are the consequences? Do you enjoy the consequences? It's easy for a dom to fabricate many faux pas in order to punish for their own ends, rather than educational purposes. There's really not much to it, just be pleasing to the person you're subbing to. Everything else is window dressing. You know they say it's always the quiet ones you have to watch? That's me. | |
| 15 Mar 10, 12:00 AM syndeetoo UK(WC), 6 yrs |
How lovely. In my 'subs handbook', cost £12.99, there would be a nice picture on the cover, and one sentence. That sentence would be: "It's not about you." | |
| 15 Mar 10, 12:23 AM subette 2 yrs |
Jees - why would anyone want to get to the place where there is nothing left to learn? The learning and the exploring is the fun part, surely? Echoing what people here and on other threads have said: no - it would suck to have a rulebook. Mostly because I don't want some lazy-ass dom/me who is going to go 'ok new sub, there are the rules - learn them and stick to them'. If they want a robot then - well, I am sure there is a robot-kink website out there for them. I want someone who is going to enjoy uncovering my submission by testing me out with rules and tasks so that they understand precisely how I tick and how I respond to things. That way they know exactly how to make me squirm in the way they want me to. Subette I want to reconcile the violence in your heart. I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask. - Muse, Undisclosed desires Edited 15 Mar 10, 12:24 AM by subette |
