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| poutanaki |
It's been a while now since I last played. Since I was hurt till the point that I was left covered in bruises.
I find that I am filled with doubt, of my ability to take it, of my need for it. It doesn't seem possible that it could feel the way I remember. That I could endure it. I imagine myself wanting it to stop. I fear that once I experience it again I will find that my masochism has deserted me.
At the same time I ache, I long for someone to hurt me, hurt me and enjoy it. To see the fire in their eyes. To give them my masochism. I want what I remember it to be, how glorious I remember it to be.
I am consumed with desire for something that scares me. Though my fear isn't of the pain. The fear is that the pain won't be as fucking beautiful as I remember.
(Edited to enable replies)
Edited Sun 14 Mar 10, 11:27 AM by poutanaki
| 20 Mar 10, 8:38 PM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
Laura hears ya! *big hug* was so good to talk at length about this today  xxIt's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice |
