13 Mar 10, 4:34 PM
totallycoverme
UK(M), 4 yrs
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Praxilla wrote:
And then there are some whose kink is tied to a lack of respect. I'm hoping some of them will stop by here and talk about that.
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Good point.
See in scene I love to be made to feel terrible. I don't know why I just do. I highly rate heavy physical and heavy emotional play. I like to be genuinely regarded as little more than an object etc...
So yes, I am happy when a parody of disrespect is embraced but I will still need mutual respect to be involved to be able to do this with someone. For instance, I would need to have the trust and respect behind us so that I can be confident that the Dominant will be there for me after such scene.
I mean really, I can't understand why anyone would want to be with someone who showed them no respect at all...hmmm, ok well I kind of can. I've tried it before. Cunt was happy. Soul was unhappy. Says it all really It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice  xx
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13 Mar 10, 5:36 PM
Plein_Soleil
UK(NP), 2 yrs
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Apologies for the late reply . Been watching the rugby . Let me try and explain what I meant . My sense is that assertiveness has much more street cred than good manners . In its true meaning being assertive is about being aware of your own rights AND those of other people . All too often people called assertive cross that line and guard jealously their own rights whilst riding roughshod over other people .
My own experience is that the subtlety of good manners goes over the head of many who would call themselves assertive . If you don't jump in with both feet from the off you can be regarded as weak and not up for the intellectual arm wrestle .
On the question of hypocrisy , good manners often involves restraint . Biting your tongue , not revealing what you really think of someone / something in the hope of reaching a civilised modus vivendi . Although I wouldn't agree with this interpretation I could see how the charge of hypocrisy could be levelled .
I'm off now for a nice cup of tea . |
13 Mar 10, 6:57 PM
Outlier
UK(W), 2 yrs
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cymricflogger wrote:
Apologies for the late reply . Been watching the rugby . Let me try and explain what I meant . My sense is that assertiveness has much more street cred than good manners . In its true meaning being assertive is about being aware of your own rights AND those of other people . All too often people called assertive cross that line and guard jealously their own rights whilst riding roughshod over other people .
My own experience is that the subtlety of good manners goes over the head of many who would call themselves assertive . If you don't jump in with both feet from the off you can be regarded as weak and not up for the intellectual arm wrestle .
On the question of hypocrisy , good manners often involves restraint . Biting your tongue , not revealing what you really think of someone / something in the hope of reaching a civilised modus vivendi . Although I wouldn't agree with this interpretation I could see how the charge of hypocrisy could be levelled .
I'm off now for a nice cup of tea .
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Presumably you were watching the Scotland v England match, and if you're English, then you must be a masochist. A sorry display... "I am from nowhere and everywhere" Karl Lagerfeld
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13 Mar 10, 9:19 PM
othyim
NL, 3 yrs |
cymricflogger wrote:
good manners often involves restraint . Biting your tongue , not revealing what you really think of someone / something in the hope of reaching a civilised modus vivendi . Although I wouldn't agree with this interpretation I could see how the charge of hypocrisy could be levelled .
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Not bearing your heart at your tongue, and sometimes even biting your tongue, seems to be generally viewed as non-assertive, and thus weak. Or perhaps like hiding or not being entirely true.
I, for one, dont feel it that way. I think it actually shows the opposite. Being self-control. And again, respect.
You simply show respect by making others, and especially those that are vulnarable, feel comfortable in your presence.
That goes for both subs and Doms btw.
Anyone remembers the story bout one of the English queens that drank out of her finger-bowl cause one of her guests, at an official state-banquet did that (he thought it was for drinking and never heard about cleaning his fingers in a bowl), and she wouldnt have him feel embarrassed?
There's manners for you!
Cause you are above them....
From a very personal D/s POV: For me the intention to deliberately put me down in any given way has nothing to do with D/s.
Mutual respect, of which the display of manners can be an expression, does though.
Edited 13 Mar 10, 10:07 PM by othyim
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14 Mar 10, 1:44 AM
Ms_Adventure
UK, 3 yrs
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Ouroboros wrote:
Respect
So my question is, is respect taken for granted and if it is, is it something that should be taken for granted?
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I believe that people should always be respectful of others, not to the point that some people try to command it however. BDSM protocol/etiquette does include respect and good manners towards others, essentially these things are just basic common manners.
Ultimately however respect has to be earned... just because someone has attached a self imposed title upon them self does not automatically mean that they can command respect from others and unfortunately there are those out there that try to do this.
The Cruel Huntress Forum
The Cruel Huntress Yahoo
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14 Mar 10, 8:14 PM
Ouroboros
UK(M), 4 yrs
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Some really good replies. thanks. Adama: What do you hear, Starbuck?
Starbuck: Nothing but the rain, sir.
Adama: Then get your gun, and bring the cat in.
Starbuck: Boom boom boom.
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14 Mar 10, 9:03 PM
Ouroboros
UK(M), 4 yrs
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Praxilla wrote:
@outlier - Thank you for your far too kind words.
@ClassAct - I wanted to respond to both parts of your post, so I'm going to parse them here. First, I found this bit both charming in it's pride, if a tad jingoistic ~
ClassAct2005 wrote:
I think the English tend not to admire loud and brash people. we're more likely to apologise because someone's stood on our toe and stand in long queues whilst foreigners push in. They are just different national characteristics. Our children aren't taught to be loud, even as loud as Americans or told they're brilliant and we probably admire/respect more the person who isn't flashy, rather complex inverse snobbery may be. We're supposed to be world leaders in self deprecation and perhaps are but may be that comes from quiet confidence we're the best anyway but we just don't need to say it even now that the globe no longer is no longer mostly pink.
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Self-deprecation is an interesting, and so far as I'm concerned, much maligned attribute. I've always been more attracted to gentility tempered by a touch of humility both in a dom, and in my friends. I agree with you that self-deprecation is likely to be an attribute of quiet confidence, rather than a lack of same as it is so often perceived.
Now - turning to this bit ~
ClassAct2005 wrote:
From a D/s point of view mentioned above was the issue of those whose kink was not to be respected. I sometimes read a profile which is after that and it puts me off. Some people will want a sub to debase in a way and she might love that. I want to be someone's only and best thing each needing the other as much as the other does, not a slut but an admired sub. Things like - she'd be one of many, eat off the floor, never sleep in my bed... all that might work for some people and may be in some games might be fun but it could never be the root of it. I need to feel admired and respected and that the man is actually very lucky to have me and I him
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I have similar goals in my d/s relationship to your own. However, I'd like to point out that the illustrations you've offered are not necessarily what I meant when I wrote earlier of people who specifically seek a lack of respect. Certainly, those things can be elements of the type of relationship I'm talking about, but they don't have to be. I've known couples who enjoy such a construct as you illustrated and yet deeply care for and respect one another.
Having said that, I'm glad that you addressed what I said and offered your own perspective of it. I'm not sure that I could illustrate what I meant, because I have a difficult time understanding it. I have read posts, blogs, et al written by dominants and submissives (though, these have mostly been by submissive women) who eschew the entire concept of respect in a d/s or m/s relationship and I find their viewpoints fascinating, if wholly opposed to my own.
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I can totally see how acting like a gentleman and having manners can be seen as being weak and some of my friends as me why I do it and I just tell them that I was brought up old school. But to I don't see it as being weak and I would never stop doing it. Adama: What do you hear, Starbuck?
Starbuck: Nothing but the rain, sir.
Adama: Then get your gun, and bring the cat in.
Starbuck: Boom boom boom.
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15 Mar 10, 6:17 PM
Outlier
UK(W), 2 yrs
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Ouroboros wrote:
I just tell them that I was brought up old school. But to I don't see it as being weak and I would never stop doing it.
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And nor should you.
"I am from nowhere and everywhere" Karl Lagerfeld
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16 Mar 10, 6:01 PM
Ouroboros
UK(M), 4 yrs
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outlier wrote:
Ouroboros wrote:
I just tell them that I was brought up old school. But to I don't see it as being weak and I would never stop doing it.
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And nor should you.
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Hamlet - (Act I, Scene III)
Lord Polonius "This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
Yes I know I used the same quote on another thread but its relevant! Adama: What do you hear, Starbuck?
Starbuck: Nothing but the rain, sir.
Adama: Then get your gun, and bring the cat in.
Starbuck: Boom boom boom.
Edited 16 Mar 10, 6:02 PM by Ouroboros
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