Newbies.. (60)

I recall getting on scene and then once all the fuss had died down, I felt a bit like I had been treated like flavour of the month.

Maybe it's like people being attracted to virgins but only certain people if you get my drift.

Hmmm, so ignore my cynicism because what I'm trying to say is that in my opinion, it shoudln't matter to a good Dominant what experience you have (or not) because I think bdsm should be about a meeting of minds in a way that bdsm and/or sexual experience becomes irrelevant to that.

I dunno, like there's something that makes me a bit uneasy about how it seems people are so enthusiastic about newbies and I'd be much more trusting of people who were like "meh, makes no difference to me because I like *you* rather than a newbie for the sake of it"

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

Edited 11 Mar 10, 5:40 PM by totallycoverme

well said! I agree entirely!

It takes experience to tell the difference between those who only talk the talk and those who walk the walk on top of this (Indelible Marker has worded this far better than I can though lol)

It's with experience that I am now more aware of evaluating the WHOLE person rather than just the Dominant...this can usually tell me a lot about whether they want a blummin good time, possibly at my expense or if they want the full package of putting just as much effort into the aftercare (and you as a person!) as the scene itself!

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

Edited 11 Mar 10, 5:39 PM by totallycoverme

Also, some people just get a kick out of knowing the person is experiencing something with them for the first time. I agree about the 'flavour of the month syndrome though - much as I hate to say it, when a new sub female surfaces there is often a scramble to see who can get there first. The ratio of available sub women to available Dom men makes this inevitable, unfortunately.

Manchester FAB Munch
Deep meaningful interpretation of me, in the medium of soulful abstract poetry, and stuff

IndelibleMarker wrote: Welcome I'd agree that no, Doms aren't put off by new submissives - but one thing I would warn you of is not to dive in at the deep end with the first, second, third etc person that comes your way. I can think of a large number of new sub females who I've watched jump in with inexperienced Doms (mentioning no names) and have ended up getting hurt, or realising 3 months down the line they've made a mistake because the particular fetish or angle they approach it from wasn't for them - or even wasn't carried out safely. Take your time to get to know people and learn about the scene - if you're new to the lifestyle then you have a long way to go and I can pretty much assure you that BDSM (particularly I'd say, D/s) covers far more than you can even, at the moment, imagine. That's not to say that you don't have the potential, it's just that people really tend to underestimate the immensely diverse forms that BDSM can take and just how much it has the potential to effect every aspect of your life. Finally, what I'd say is take some time to go to some munches and clubs (don't worry, people are very welcoming) and play a few times in clubs to see what you like, and don't like. Ask someone who the "DM" (stands for Dungeon Master) is at the club and speak to them, asking them to keep an eye on you because you're unsure/nervous - they'll be able to look after you and point you in the direction of the experienced players who will make sure you're safe (no DM at any club will let you be in any danger - either emotionally or physically - that's why they're doing that job). Oh and most importantly, please, don't be afraid to say "No, I'm not ready for a D/s relationship yet" to people until you have a firm understanding of what the scene is about and how you feel about it... Just because you're submissive, doesn't mean you always have to say "yes" to people who want to play/get involved with you.

I would just like to say that Patrick is right, with one exception. DM stands for Dungeon Monitor, not Master. A DM should always have your best interests at heart.

I am a DM for the two largest Fetish Clubs in London and have been for some years now. I don't know any Dom that is put off by a Newbie; I find it a pleasure [An honour even] to help someone new explore their desirers. True Pro Doms are caring and supportive, they realise control has only been given temporarily by the Submissive. There is a lot of good advice on the posts here and worth reading and remembering.

Best regards to you all The Dungeonear

x_Justin_x wrote: totallycoverme wrote: Is it just me or does anyone else find it a bit worrying that many people seem to rate newbies so highly? I recall getting on scene and then once all the fuss had died down, I felt a bit like I had been treated like flavour of the month. Maybe it's like people being attracted to virgins but only certain people if you get my drift. Hmmm, so ignore my cynicism because what I'm trying to say is that in my opinion, it shoudln't matter to a good Dominant what experience you because I think bdsm should be about a meeting of minds in a way that bdsm and/or sexual experience becomes irrelevant to that. I dunno, like there's something that makes me a bit uneasy about how it seems people are so enthusiastic about newbies and I'd be much more trusting of people who were like "meh, makes no difference to me because I like *you* rather than a newbie for the sake of it" I think some Dom/mes might see it as a 'blank slate' to start with, that you can shape to your own preferences. Some people like that because it means you can get to the fun part before chipping away any pre-learned behaviour. Others like it for more sinister reasons. Also, some people just get a kick out of knowing the person is experiencing something with them for the first time. I agree about the 'flavour of the month syndrome though - much as I hate to say it, when a new sub female surfaces there is often a scramble to see who can get there first. The ratio of available sub women to available Dom men makes this inevitable, unfortunately.

I like what you say here, it makes me laugh how at the time of getting out on scene, I was convinced I was a lesbian (and I don't think it was hard to tell at the time) and there were still a fair few men who tried it on! (I sometimes wonder how, if at all, my sexuality would have evolved if it wasn't for the scene)

More male Doms in ratio to female subs you say? Are you sure? It feels t'other way round to me!

See part of me misses all the adventures I was having in the potential "flavour of the month" phase but then I have to remind myself how such concept works whereby it's more about being "new meat" than being wanted for being you.

I'm not dissing the scene or how anyone operates within it by the way people, I'm just putting some of my own experience out there because for every positive (and I would say that in the grand scheme of things, that's what getting in the scene was for me overall), there are negatives to watch out for too

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

Yes it does me too,though if a dom is new to it all,i think it would be good to learn together,obviously aslong you both gel and are interested in exploring the same things.

Edited 11 Mar 10, 6:10 PM by strokes321

My advise...find a fellow submissive with whom you can talk to confide in and question on your exploration because honestly you will have a better guide in navigating this jungle ...I know that many will kick off at this sweeping statement but i have seen many who have stepped on these same stones , slipped and fallen ...only stating what i have experienced ..and barely scratching the surface of what the actual scene can hold in regards to the people in them . Try to keep your eyes open and not fall for the sweet intoxication of the scene and its seduction. Try to remember that you deserve respect ...and that respect is a two way street . Know that you are not just your sexual preference and role .

submission is permission to be yourself without judgment

Sorry to be a petty dick, but not according to this:

http://www.mistresssky.com/terms.html#D

Kisses to all you fabioso people!
Patrick
IM
(Next London U35 Munch Details)

Edited 11 Mar 10, 6:52 PM by IndelibleMarker

Manchester FAB Munch
Deep meaningful interpretation of me, in the medium of soulful abstract poetry, and stuff

Relating to this, be cautious of when the term "mentor" is used in relation to "I'll train you" coz as far as I'm concerned, that's someone who wants to Dom you but for whatever reason, doesn't want to tell you that truthfully!

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx