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Switches playing in front of their Subs (45)

This post is on the SM/Bondage/Fetish web board.

12 Mar 10, 2:57 PM
rocco_43
UK(RM), 2 yrs

Lj_switch wrote:

OllieVW wrote:

Lj_switch wrote:
In one case, I have been both sub and Dom with the same lady. I suppose strictly I should use the term bottom and top, as the play is within the play-party environment and does not transfer outside that.

My play-partner/sub knows that I switch, again in the play-party environment and accepts that it is a facet of me that exists. I'll let her comment on her own views.

At a recent party, I did have a scene which I decided my sub was not to witness, and I arranged for her to be otherwise occupied. The scene involved a fairly serious bit of kit and a very humiliating postion and treatment. It was more a case that I did not think it appropriate for her to see me in that situation, as her Dom, that somewhere a line needed to be drawn.

From the other point of view, having been a sub to various switch Dommes, I have no problem at all seeing them subbing, their character makes it very plain which role they are in when it is me tied to something *lol*

Hi LJ and thanks for your post. Why did you feel it wouldnt be appropriate? Do you think your Sub would look at you diffferently. Why did this particular scene make any difference to you.

I've been trying to thnk of the right reply to your question, and am not sure I really know the answer.

The scene was something of a first for me, as I was under the control of a Dom, not a Domme. At the risk of raising a storm, I will say that I am not homophobic, but I do not desire any gay contact. Also, you should realise that I am of a generation in which gay sex was not only a serious perversion (under the circumstances, a bit hilarious ) but also illegal. So there is a degree of conditioning that makes my submission to a man difficult, to say the least. The Dom's orientation is of no concern to this, and I have absolutely no wish to have his sexuality, in whichever direction it goes, to have any bearing on this, it is irrelevant. But to be fixed into a steel restraint, in a very submissive position, with the addition of a solidly fixed butt-plug, was not what anyone would call, with the best will in the world, a Domly position.

Bearing in mind the comments above, I was not sure how I would react to the situation. In the event, it was an amazing, exciting and interesting scene. I realised that I could trust the Dom entirely, that he was only interested in making the scene work for me (showing a very generous attitude), and that I have crossed another barrier in my journey into BDSM.

Nevertheless, I did not think it was appropriate for my sub to see me travel this path. Some things are personal, and this was one of them. I did not want my personal test to influence the lovely relationship I share with her. Perhaps she will comment.

Lj has asked me to reply to this thread although I am his sub/bottom. I dont want to disappoint him

I dont see him sub very often as I am normally engaged in play elsewhere but I will say that I have always known he was a switch, so it doesnt bother me when he subs to someone else. I dont think any less of him as my Dom because of it, I still respect him

12 Mar 10, 5:34 PM
littlenic
5 yrs

OllieVW wrote:
Ive been to a few events etc.. and alwyas wondered what was going through the minds of the submissives who's partners are switch and they see their Dom/me playing in a similar way as to themselves.

When I was in a relationship where this happened, it gave me huge pleasure to witness. Admittedly, there were always elements of it there all the time (there being three of us), but when I actually got to see them 'play', I loved it.

But I know that's because the person in question is (very much) a lady. Here I shall don the hat of hypocrisy (it's purple with a big feather) and say if* I ever have a relationship with a switch man, I would never want to see him sub, nor to know very much about it at all. Because it would definitely be a very unappealing thing for me to be party to. What can I say? I don't find submission in a man attractive.

*I'm not saying never. That would be foolish, and I'm sure if a chap were a good match in many other ways I'd be happy to have a relationship where those needs of his were fulfilled elsewhere. I just think my distaste of it would be a bit of a hurdle to overcome, for both of us, that's all.

12 Mar 10, 6:40 PM
Scribbles
UK(RH), 4 yrs

This hasn't happened to me yet but I have given it some thought because I was concerned that it might bother me a lot and I wanted to get my head around it beforehand if possible.

One of the things I find most appealing about the man I'm thinking of is that he's a switch. When I sub to him I know the he understands this from both sides. I don't see male submission as demeaning or off-putting, either in principle or to me personally. I'm interested in seeing people enjoying themselves, being fulfilled, and the more I care about them the more the idea of that appeals.

There's a bit more to it than that. The sadistic side of me, both in terms of pain and other things, suggests it might be a turn-on to watch. This is very much an under-current, but it seems reasonable here to note it.

Edited 12 Mar 10, 6:41 PM by Scribbles

13 Mar 10, 7:30 PM
desolate
UK(M), 2 yrs

OllieVW wrote:
Wow what a hugely different way of looking at this. She looks at it as part of her dominant side as she is fulfilling herself on her own terms. Truely a brilliant view.

What is it you find hard to handle as you say?

Jealousy I suppose.

It's a strange feeling watching your wife with another man, and the anticipation is excruciating.

It must have hit a nerve, because it's something I think about constantly and long to happen again

14 Mar 10, 6:51 PM
skadii
UK(W), 5 yrs

Phoenyx wrote:
In general though I used to hate it, I thought it ruined the dynamic of my play if one of my bottoms saw me in a weakened position. Now... I dont care.

I think a lot of the problem in seeing a Dom/me submit or bottom is a belief that bottoming or submitting is the weaker position. I actually don't think it is - at the end of the day, it's mutual gratification.

The Captain is a switch and I've seen her bottom at play parties. It doesn't do anything to affect our dynamic, because I don't believe a bout of indulging a kink makes a person less powerful, weaker, or anything that could affect the way we relate to one another.

Like @Epona74, I'm a rubbish top (I've tried... I can service top but it's not the same) and I enjoy that she can play with others - it would be the same if she was massively into dental play (hard hard hard hard limit) - she can go find someone else to do that with!