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| MarcusStrapp |
OK, last week I suffered the mother of all colds. One fevered night this rather silly but fun idea visited me during a bout of sleeplessness. Hence the silliness!
So Peters, explain this to me again. Are you seriously suggesting in this report that what this country needs to get back on its feet, is more crack whores. Is that right Peters?
Well yes Prime Minister. You see our country is on the brink of financial collapse. We can no longer afford to support the out of work. They have to be motivated to pull their weight or we'll all end up living in third world squalor without the benefit of a third world climate.
And Peters, you are sure that crack whores are the answer? If hardly seems obvious.
Well Prime Minster, "Crack Whores" is our name for an elite crack team of sexy pleasure givers. Simply put, our tests show the carrot is indeed far more persuasive than the stick. And the bigger the carrot, the better the results. And Prime Minister, I am sure you will agree, there is simply no carrot bigger than, well, sex.
So Peters, explain to me how this is all works.
Well prime minister. Take a look at this video of these two gentlemen. They are both in their mid 50s. The one on the left in the grubby food stained tee-shirt is Mr Raynes. The one on the right in the threadbare grey cardigan is his friend Mr Atwood. Eighteen months ago we covertly filmed them shopping in Tesco. Note their very shoddy attire. Note the junk food and ready meals for one in their shopping trolleys. You can just pickup some of their dialogue on the sound track. Mr Raynes has just spotted one of our crack whores by the frozen peas and has just told his mate, I quote, "Eh, I'd give that fucking red head a fucking good shagging". In truth, though, Mr Raynes, has not had sex in six years when he last sought the service of an escort.
What a prostitute, you mean?
Yes prime minister, a prostitute. You see despite Mr Raynes's interest in sex, he seems to have let his life somewhat deteriorate and fall apart. His chances of sex, with anyone, are somewhat limited and this has led to an acute loss of self esteem, and a downward spiral of behaviour. Look, slovenly, poor hygiene, poor eating habits, smoking, too much beer drinking, jobless, lack of motivation. He's a monumental cost to the welfare system as it is, and his impending heart attack is another financial bomb just ticking away. Now let me put on this next video of Mr Raynes. Bear in mind this is just eighteen months later.
So where is he?
That's him there Prime Minster, the one in the blue suit.
Good Lord Peter is that really him?
Yes Prime Minister.
But he, he, he looks so different!
Yes Prime Minister. Isn't it amazing! He's lost three stone, had a hair cut, is back in employment, has given up smoking. His last credit card purchase was for tickets for ballet for himself and his crack whore. His net income is still modest, but he is now at least paying tax rather than drawing benefits.
But, but, but,..
Yes I know Prime Minister. Not one of us at the think tank for social reform and regeneration expected results as promising as this. It exceed even our wildest expectations.
So how did you achieve this miraculous metamorphosis?
Well Prime Minister, profiling of his extensive internet porn activity gave us a pretty good idea of his preferences. So we placed an elite team of crack whores in the supermarket where Mr Rayne is known to shop. One of the crack whores was engineered to be what we felt would suit him best. Then we arranged for an unpleasant incident to take place by the fresh bread counter.
An unpleasant incident?
Yes, Prime Minister, the implantation of a crack whore with the target is a critical and sensitive stage of the operation. You have to realise that someone like Mr Raynes is not likely to believe that a nubile gorgeous 19 year old red head would want leave Tesco and go home with him for dinner. Also, our research shows to make Mr Raynes feel secure enough to accept the donor crack whore, we need to appeal to our target on more than just a sexual level. We have to get him to open up to her at an emotional level, and critically, believe that he can have something that he can offer her. It seems best if we do this with a short sharp shock, something that will momentarily dislodge him from his long held expectations of life's disappointments and his own failure. Would you like to see the next video?
Yes, yes, Peters, I'm intrigued. Please do go ahead.
Now you see, this group of teenage girls are our strategic crack whore deployment.
They seem rather, bawdy, Peters.
That's all part of the deception Prime Minister. They are playing out their roles as a particularly objectionable gang of self obsessed teenage girls. Now here is where it gets interesting. As Mr Raynes bends down to reach for the Tesco value slice white bread on the bottom shelf, crack whore 27132, code name Sammy, calls out in a loud voice "Ooh, I'd give Mr bum crack a fucking good shagging". There! It happens right here and you can see Mr Raynes going bright red. Here you see the rest of the team of crack whores giggling and laughing. Now they approach Mr Rraynes and step up the taunting. At this point Mr Raynes is completely out of his depth and feeling very threatened. Now watch this. Crack whore 27135 code name Amba, the one we have chosen for Mr Raynes, starts to distance herself from the group a little. Watch carefully. Now she makes a remark to the rest of the girls to leave him alone. It's a variation of the nice cop nasty cop scenario really. And here we go for the kill. The other crack whores step up the assault on Mr Raynes and at the same time turn on Crack whore 27135. Here Sammy squeals so that all the shoppers can hear "Hey bum crack, Amba wants to be your whore". The rest of the group now grab hold of Amba and shove her right into Mr Raynes. You see him and his trolly go flying. Shopping all over the floor and Amba appears to strike her head on the shelving. Now the other crack whores run off. All that is left for 27135, Amba, to do, is simply start making her apologies to Mr Raynes. She starts trying to help put the items of shopping back into Mr Raynes shopping trolly, but Mr Raynes at this point is somewhat transfixed by the small bleeding cut on 27135's forehead. In fact the cut was there before the incident was started. By now, the two have formed a nascent bond. Would you believe Prime Minister, that 20 minutes after this was shot 27135 had text in to report that Mr Raynes had taken her home, had cleaned the cut and applied a band aid and asked if she would like to stay to share his Chicken Madras for one ready meal?
There was a short pause and the Prime Mister's brow furrowed.
Well, Yes Peters, I can see how this might have come to pass, but tell me Peters, isn't all this well, a bit manipulative and deceiving?
Well we like to think of the positive aspects Prime Minister. We like to think of it terms of enabling and allowing people to fulfil their potential. And surely the application of the carrot has to be socially far more agreeable than the use of the stick Prime Minster! There seems no limit to the transformation that can be achieved by the effective application of a crack whore. We've got candidates that failed to get any GCSE's enrolling in Open University degrees. We've got delinquent yobs, opening day care centres for under privileged children. Every single deployment of a crack whore as been an unqualified success.
So Peters, there seems to be no social ill that cannot be addressed with a crack whore?
Quite so Prime Minister.
Peters, Peters, Peters, this is all well and good but how exactly are you proposing we fund all this? How much does a crack whore cost?
Well that's the beauty of it all Prime Minister. Results have so far shown, that the whole program can be self funding. Crack whore 27135, Amba is now living with Mr Raynes, he is not only financially fully supporting himself, but he is fully supporting her too.
Erm one small thing Peters, you mentioned that a crack whore was engineered for Mr Raynes. What does that mean exactly?
Ah well Prime Minsiter, you know that new correction facility for young delinquent women offenders that was coming under pressure of closure due to funding issues? Well we instigated an alternative program. We offer the young pretty candidates the option of "corrective therapy" as an alternative to a custodial sentence. The corrective therapy involves little more than a new wardrobe, and a special cocktail to be taken once a day.
A special cocktail? I'm not sure I like the sound of that Peters. What does this special cocktail do?
Well, in fact it is only a slightly modified version of what many of these girls were taking already, a combination drugs, specially designed to make the girls more interested in giving than getting.
Is that a ethically sound thing to do Peters?
Well the girls are given the choice, they all do it with informed consent. And so far, Prime Minister, the quality of the lives of these girls by all observable standards, is always greatly improved.
Well Peters, I guess times being what they are, this does seem like a plan for the general good. The program can proceed with my blessing.
Now Peters, moving on, to the next point of business, what are we going to do about all this BNP interest and that Nick Griffin chap?
Crack whore sir.
What, we solve the Nick Griffin and the BNP problem with a crack whore?
Yes Prime Minister. Crack whore 27135, Kali is 19, 5' 2", size 6, stunning and... black.
Peters, wont the implantation risk not being taken?
We've thought of that sir, Kali is into BDSM and extreme race play. Should be enough to turn him around.
We've ear marked Nick Griffin for the post of promoting improved educational opportunities for racial minority groups in time for the next election, sir.
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İMarcus Strapp 2010
Edited Thu 1 Jul 10, 11:05 PM by MarcusStrapp
| 7 Mar 10, 12:45 PM Jezzebelle UK, 10 yrs |
Just brilliant.... http://www.flickr.com/photos/jezzebelle/ |
| 7 Mar 10, 2:11 PM Sirebel UK, 5 yrs     |
You forgot to say that the mixture of drugs where in the special cocktail  .I do like the way you think. I don't know what's right and what's real any more |
| 7 Mar 10, 9:37 PM playzone UK, 5 yrs |
Now thats thinking outside the box, its a great idea and I cannot wait for you to put it to Mr Brown |
