Posted by Ariane on Sat 6 Mar 10, 2:53 PM to Ariane's blog.
You've heard the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for..."
That's one of the secrets to life you know. Working out what it is that you really want.
I've come to the conclusion that I definitely want to walk normally again, even if it means going back to work. I've enjoyed having all winter off, but being housebound and dependent just doesn't suit me. I've had enough of it now.
Then there is that man thing...
Oh yes, the age old problem. To have a partner, or just a fling? To enjoy my own company (which I do, far too much), or to start going out again.
I've been leaning towards the idea of a good relationship for a while now, but of course that has the complication of finding the right person to have it with. It occurred to me not so long ago that I've never actually gone looking for a relationship. They just find me.
Even on sites like this, people occasionally ask me what I'm looking for. My immediate response is that I'm not really looking at all, I'm just open to the right possibility.
Well, being trapped at home for over 2 months left me some time to do some looking. Mostly I've found what I'm NOT looking for! But I may have developed some insights to what I do want in a partner along the way.
To complicate things, my old toyboy habit keeps springing back at me. There seem to be rather a lot of very young men around who are looking for an older woman. Not just on bdsm sites, I get it on vanilla ones too. Ok I'm only signed up to one vanilla site, but I can't log in without some pop-up chat thing pestering me from some 20-something horny guy.
A lot of these are from Egypt. I'd love to visit Egypt and have a personal slave there, but I dont happen to have the massive airfare lying around and none of them have offered to foot the bill yet. They seem to think I must be rich or something.
Still, that would be an excursion. Not a lifestyle.
I've been looking at men over 40, with a view towards a grown-up sort of relationship. The trouble with this is that rather a lot of men over 40 let themselves become old! Why?!
You don't have to take on middle age attitudes and wear your father's clothes just because you pass a birthday you know.
And I still have this thing for long hair. When I come across someone who insists on keeping it that way after 40, my interest is aroused. Of couse some don't have that choice, it leaves them. But not all men go bald with age. Many do it by 25 if they're going to.
More than anything, what I look for is in someone's attitude. I'm not looking for an athlete, but someone who is still alive and interested in...something besides bloody television. Arty people are the best bet for that, although they are usually dirt poor.
I do like old fashioned customs like being brought chocolates and flowers and taken out to dinner, but it's not enough. I need someone to stimulate my mind and imagination. I'm not talking about sex here, that's a separate issue.
I've actually done some serious thinking about all this recently. I need someone who shares my interests. Being geeky is a good start. Especially the scifi fantasy sort of geeky. Interest in creative arts, or even specifically filmmaking would give us some common ground. Not so much writing, as most people I meet who are into writing are crap at it and want me to spend endless hours reading stuff that doesn't interest me.
Mostly I'm looking for someone that I feel really happy to see. There's a certain flair that attracts me, it's a hard thing to put into a definition. But when two people click, it's a wonderful thing. Interestingly I find this most often with Librans and Geminis, although I keep saying that I really need to go out with a Leo.
As I become more mobile, I expect I'll do less looking again. But perhaps my awareness will have been aroused by the time of rest enough that at least I'll recognise it when I see it. I've become intolerant of having someone around. So it's going to have to be someone that I really enjoy having there. If he exists.
Edited Sun 7 Mar 10, 12:16 PM by Ariane
| 7 Mar 10, 9:58 PM playzone UK, 5 yrs  |
This made me think last night, its along the lines of some of my thoughts of late and makes a lot of sense. Sometimes I think that 3 men are required to ensure that all my "wants" are catered for. Each one would have a slight overlap with the other 2 and I can then live alone and call on whichever one has the talents for whatever I require at that time!
|
| 12 Mar 10, 1:58 PM Ariane 8 yrs |
Ah, but I don't want 3. I want to feel sweet obsession.  It's been a while since the last time. |
