Posted by kesriel on Sat 6 Mar 10, 7:18 AM to kesriel's blog.
i wrote a terribly long blog, voicing feeling and thoughts that have been weaving through my head since the late hours of yesterday......but.....
You'll be glad to hear....that i deleted it....
Nothing that i say is going to change some things...and....it's time i gave up trying. It is not making Anyone else feel better (possibly because They do not wish it to??) and is making me feel more guilt and pain...and is not allowing me to let go.
i don't want ANYone else to be unhappy or sad....but...neither do i wish to be unhappy and sad...and if that makes me "selfish"...well...meh...
i'm not a "bad" person...i'm not a nasty person...and i would never wish my happiness to cause Another anguish but i can't live my life turning myself inside out trying to ensure Other Peoples happiness at the cost of my own......and if that makes me "self-absorbed".....well....again.....meh...
Life is to be lived....it's not a rehearsal and it's too darn short anyway....
so....i'm going to try my hardest to stop listening to the one or two negative voices that shout above all the positive thoughts, words, feelings and hugs of the amazing and wonderful friends around me.
That may not sound terribly polite....but...whilst i would wish ALL happy...it is not my responsibility to solve their unhappiness....
i am me.
i'm not going to change that.
i'm not a victim...and i won't be an emotional scapegoat either...i'm stronger than that....and, frankly, (horribly immodestly) i deserve better than that....
(that still sounds awful )
Please understand that this weblog is NOT directed at ANY specific person...i just wish / want / NEED to move on.
i have grieved, i have mourned....now i will live....
Right....
onwards ever onwards....Saturday morning....6am (well it was when i started this ).....sooooo....back to work....
| 6 Mar 10, 7:42 AM thebun UK, 2 yrs |
good for you great blog | |
| 6 Mar 10, 7:57 AM Caracal UK(SS), 5 yrs        |
Well done.
| |
| 6 Mar 10, 7:57 AM aka_kelly UK(YO), 2 yrs |
It's fantastic to see your positive, happy side coming through. I used to be normal | |
| 6 Mar 10, 8:05 AM andrewsean UK(CO), 5 yrs |
And about bloody time as well. Kes, you have to break a few eggs to make fairy cakes!
I'm not that keen on omlettes Treat problems like a dog would.....If you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it and walk away. | |
| 6 Mar 10, 8:07 AM kesriel 7 yrs |
You just want my ones with the pink icing and sprinkles
ETA that's came out a bit wrong Anyone got a ladder to get out of this hole i'm digging Edited 6 Mar 10, 8:10 AM by kesriel | |
| 6 Mar 10, 8:07 AM Kinky_Vidushaka UK(SW), 3 yrs |
Keep that positivity growing young lady, it is always good to see a smile on your face.
Hopefully see you soon. There is a fine line between sanity and insanity. I have a foot firmly planted either side of that line Edited 6 Mar 10, 8:17 AM by Kinky_Vidushaka | |
| 6 Mar 10, 8:29 AM Mr_Jones_Again UK(CM), 3 yrs |
I'm glad to hear it.
All women are slaves; some have yet to meet their Master. (Gorean Philosophy) | |
| 6 Mar 10, 9:59 AM rebel_angel UK(RM), 4 yrs   |
Yey!!! *Sings - Oh happy Day!* If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it, if you're happy and you know it write a blog!
*Hugs* to you! Life is a game, it just depends how you play it. | |
| 6 Mar 10, 10:19 AM KinkyRoly UK(OX), 3 yrs |
Good for you. Most of us want to make the greatest number of our acquaintances happy, but just as you can't fool all of the people all of the time, you can't please all of the people all of the time either. Sadly there are people who resent other's happiness, who react negatively to it and who try to make the happy person feel guilty. Such people are not your friends in any meaningful interpretation of the word. I've read some of your recent postings with interest and it seems to me that you talk a great deal of sense and you have a very caring heart. Lesser people have clearly tried to interfere in your life, but possibly as a result of that, you have become empowered and now have a clearer idea of what is important to you. Trust your instincts, they will serve you very well. | |
| 6 Mar 10, 10:34 AM MissTee 5 yrs |
Not had the pleasure of meeting you yet, read your blogs with interest, this has to be a wonderful positive uplifting blog, full of good sensible advice about being human, thank you, more of this others need good folks, make no mistake it can turn the day, all the very best annie Sometimes i just want to spend the whole day fucking with your body and soul, your mind will follow later. As stated by a lovely I am the nicest evil woman, thank you my sweetie. |
?Thank god they cured me 