This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 8 Mar 10, 9:19 AM othyim NL, 3 yrs |
Yep, I found out. And it basically was the beginning of the end. Apart from the fact that I would feel that keeping information from me was degrading and condascending in a non-good way, and disrespectfull to my talents and intelligence, I feel that, especially in a D/s, I have the right to know the things that are important. I dont have to know everything (there is the trust issue again), but I certainly do need to know bout the bigger things that might influence him/us, and thus the relationship. And I do need to know when some minor things are wrong too, so that I can adjust my behaviour or do things that might be helpfull. He, as a Dom, should trust me to be grown up and responsible enough to cope with any unpleasant things that might turn up. So I would indeed prefer to be fully informed, to be able to communicate on what was happening, probably give my advice, in order for him to make the best possible decision for the both of us. For that stands. Informing me and communicating doesnt mean the decision is mine.
Edited 8 Mar 10, 9:22 AM by othyim | ||
| 8 Mar 10, 9:57 AM subette 2 yrs |
I've been reading the posts on this thread with interest - trying to digest them and test my own thoughts against them. So thanks all for posting - it's all been v interetsing. I know where people are coming from when they say that in D/s, as in most relationships, sharing every little detail isn't neccessarilty healthy. And yes, part of the fun of the dynamic is controlling information in some areas. I guess, however, I am talking about instances when something is affecting the dom/mes ability to participate fully / to the extent they had previously. I can understand that dom/mes may not want their sub to worry, but if it affects the dynamic, I personally feel it's quite important to share the info - even if it's only a temporary thing. Otherwise the change in tempo of the relationship could be misconstrued. I know that for some dom/mes the role of 'mentor' is a really important part to the D/s dynamic, and I can see how this could conflict with a dom/me having to admit to a sub that something is affecting them.
This really struck a chord with me. The most intoxicating thing for me about D/s is the liberation I feel when being held tightly in the grasp of a dom/me - being held so tight there is no room for self-doubt. To me it's about feeling safe - lack of information can lead to misconceptions, which can in turn lead to a lot of questioning about the situation and, for me at least, self-doubt.
To me, this kinda sums up where I come from on the issue. (Thanks @othyim for articulating it much better than I could). I read emotional undercurrents like most people read books, so I pick up on subtle changes in people very easily. But it's not always easy to tell where these come from and how to 'adjust my behaviour or do things which might be helpful' - or, indeed, avoid doing things which might exacerbate the situation. At the end of the day, I guess it's a 'human-being' issue rather than soley kink-related. We don't want to hurt the people we care about and so sometimes we keep things from them. A noble intention, but not one without the potential for unintended consequences. Subette
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart. I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask. - Muse, Undisclosed desires |
