This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Tue 2 Mar 10, 4:28 PM antheia 3 yrs |
deleted Edited Sat 3 Apr 10, 11:21 PM by antheia | ||||
| 2 Mar 10, 4:44 PM mini_velvet UK(EH), 6 yrs  |
Are you still involved with him? I love the smell of sexual napalm in the morning. | ||||
| 2 Mar 10, 4:45 PM Fitznicely UK(B), 2 yrs |
Don't automatically assume he isn't being honest. My girl has abandonment issues and regularly has episodes where she thinks she's not good enough, what if I've fond someone better, blah blah blah. In 17 years of adult relationships, I've never had the inclination to stray, but I get accusedd all the time. Not because I'm acting suspiciously, but because SHE THINKS I AM. I'm assuming you've done more than simply ask if he has any others? He's aware that you have suspicions, that it's been festering for months? You've shared your feelings of inadequacy with him, and given him fair chance to assure you otherwise? You're 100% certain you'd accept his reassurances, if he gave them? It's perfectly possible that he COULD have someone else on the go. It's just as possible your fears are irrational and he is in fact devoted to you. You owe it to what could be a fine, fine relationship to be ABSOLUTELY sure of what's going on. You know they say it's always the quiet ones you have to watch? That's me. | ||||
| 2 Mar 10, 5:00 PM lima_pink_tigress 3 yrs |
I agree wholeheartedly with this ^^^ However ...... what you need to ask yourself is do you trust him. From reading your OP I would say not. For me, trust is the main building block of any relatiosnhip and if that isn't there then there is no relationship. Yes, your fears may be unfounded, but if there is no trust, for whatever reason, if that's gone on your part (whether it's justified or not) then my advice would be to ask yourself why (and whether it was ever really there to begin with). It's strange how 'a feeling', even without evidence to back it up, can so often be spot on. Be aware however that hunches can also be way off. As for finding out the truth, I've no idea how you'd go about that. If he doesn't want to tell you, then he won't. Having been in this situation (and now having been told by other people that my 'hunch' was right) my ex still hasn't admitted it to me. That's irrelivent now and doesn't matter to me. What's more annoying is being taken for a mug and lied to about it. Personlly I would go all out to find out the truth if I didn't think I could trust his word (which would be a huge warning sign for me on it's own). But I'm a bit of a freak when it comes to deceipt. good luck and I hope you can find some peace whatever happens.
@Strictly_SnM discussion group Edited 2 Mar 10, 5:02 PM by lima_pink_tigress | ||||
| 2 Mar 10, 5:05 PM Thistle US, 4 yrs |
Fitznicely has made one valid argument and if you see yourself in his description, you may want to give his words strong consideration. I'm going to come at it from another direction. It's been my experience that when someone is suspicious of a partner, those suspicions are usually on the money. So, assuming that your partner is seeing another, the thing that concerns me is that you feel responsible for that. Your partner is responsible for his own behavior. If your relationship is troubled, you may be a part of the cause or even the entire cause, but cheating isn't the way to resolve a troubled relationship. Honesty, communication, trust and hard work are part of the solution. Cheating doesn't involve any of those. In any event, from my perspective, the bottom line is that you have to discuss your fears with him openly and you have to listen carefully and unemotionally to what he says. If you evaluate it and decide that you still don't trust him, then, for whatever reason, your relationship with him is damaged. It's up to you to decide if you can work together to repair it or if it's time for you to move on. I wish you well and hope things turn out the way that is best for you.
ETA: I didn't realize until after I hit send that I was riding the same brain waves as lima_pink_tigress. love the brave but avoid cowards, knowing the gratitude of cowards is small ~Praxilla of Sicyon Edited 2 Mar 10, 5:07 PM by Thistle | ||||
| 2 Mar 10, 5:14 PM SirOpenSource UK(E), 6 yrs     |
Trust is the central framework to any relationship and when it deteriorates so does the relationship. It is very difficult to re-establish. If you feel this is so in your case you must talk this through honestly and sensibly. If after doing so you still do not believe what you are hearing what future is there? SOS I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. - Mahatma Gandhi | ||||
| 2 Mar 10, 5:22 PM chastityslaveFE 24 mths |
On both occasions that I thought there was something going on, I took steps to gain access to their email and messenger accounts, and on both occasions my fears were justified. It's one thing to feel you don't want to know if he's cheating, it's another thing to allow yourself to be made a fool of. I would want to know. Good luck xxx | ||||
| 2 Mar 10, 5:34 PM areyouok 2 yrs |
If you don't have any evidence that your partner is cheating yet you still don't trust him then I'd say your relationship is doomed. If you repeatedly accuse him of cheating when in reality he's being faithful then eventually he will dump you. On the other hand if he really is cheating then you should dump him. A relationship without trust or honesty isn't really a relationship.
| ||||
| 2 Mar 10, 5:35 PM Dominion UK(BS), 8 yrs |
Without knowing exactly how your relationship works, and exactly why you have these feelings he is cheating,its almost impossible to comment. You are in the relationship, you know how it was, and how it is now, your gut feeling is often right. Of course you could hire private detectives, use phone location software, or even set up a fate profile to see if he hits on you. Its really difficult, but my experience is that if a womam feels her guy is cheating, 90% of the time he is. If I was to offer advice, do whats in your heart, you have to live with your decision,so make sure its what you want for your life, and never think people do things cos you have failed to offer them what they need. | ||||
| 2 Mar 10, 6:53 PM othyim NL, 2 yrs |
Communicate. As equals. Ask him. Ask him again, if you are still feeling insecure bout his answers. In a respectfull yet demanding way. When the both of you have agreed to be monogamous, like you stated above, you have the right to know. You didnt agree to poly. As long as it isn't discussed and in the open, that agreement still is the deal. And that deal is as binding for him as it is for you. And, for the record, although I dont think that your posting is an example of loyalty, I dont agree with the ones that expressed having a problem with you asking on this board. For sometimes a place like this is the only possibility to get some answers, cause at other places people wouldnt understand the underlying D/s dynamics and the trust issues that go with that. A D/s, first and foremost, is a re-la-tion-ship?
Edited 2 Mar 10, 7:17 PM by othyim | ||||
| 2 Mar 10, 6:53 PM saraxx UK, 7 yrs |
I am leaning a little towards Leon's input I must say, probably best not to mention that you have posted about the relationship on here. 'A woman, without her man, is nothing. |
