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| MisterBear |
on Tue 23 Feb 10, 5:27 PM to MisterBear's blog.
I waited patiently for the birds to head off to other gardens before going out to top up their feeders. However on my 2nd trip into the kitchen they were still there, and were accompanied by small, white, floating creatures that pissed themselves when they landed and vanished. Well if you pissed in someone's garden you probably wouldn't want to hang around.
I couldn't be arsed chasing them off and so returned to the front room and the computer it contained with a bag of ribs. I gnawed away at the ribs until my carefully tuned stomach was nice and full. There was some perusing of that there Interweb thing to be done and then I returned on that long and lonely march into the kitchen. I relieved myself in the bin and put the plate that had bore the remains of a hog, to one side.
Looking out upon the bleak, desolate wasteland that is my back garden I saw that the birds had left for seedier pastures and so I decided it was time to venture out. Unfortunately I couldn't find my Pipboy or my combat shotgun. And as for Dogmeat, well I might possibly have been gnawing on his bones a short while ago.
So lacking any Fallout accoutrements, I donned armour of the thick jacket variety and loaded up with bird feeding ammo. The small, white, floating creatures were still there, but I was determined to battle my way through them. And after a long trek I reached the outpost where the bird feeders were located.
Ripping open a packet of suet pellets I popped the cap off one of the feeders and started loading up. However, I stopped before reaching the top. I had some more special ingredients to add to this and popped the lid off the tub of dried meal worms. In they went with a light sprinkling on the ground.
Next I lifted up a large bag. On the front was the picture of one of those television types. Some shorted arsed bearded type, whose face you'd blow up and stick on a piece of card to hold in front of your face while speeding in Japan. Or maybe the contents were made out of his body parts? As long as it kept the birds happy I didn't care. I filled up two more feeders with this guys guts and sprinkled the rest on the ground. If these were his guts then I'd hate to eat his diet.
The last feeder was still quite full and so I left full of some guys nuts. The birds would nibble on them or not, there was now plenty for them to eat. Besides, I was still taking a battering from those small, white, floaty creatures.
You know, while taking a breather I checked them out and I'm sure I saw two the same. But people say there are never two the same. Me? I say they talk bollocks. If a million monkey's can knock out the complete works of that spear shaker, then I figure if there are a few Thousand quinquagintaquadringentillion of these buggers falling every year, just in this part of the galaxy, then considering that the universe is about fourteen thousand million years old there must be at least 2 that look identical.
Anyway, battling my way back in, I locked the door behind me, to stop any of them critters getting in. It can be hell out there, but sometimes you need to spend a bit of time in hell to remind you how good it is to get out.
But I'm back safe and sound. The birds have been taken care of and I'm most of the way through a bag of mini eggs as I type this. There's just one problem, I smell of small, white, floating creature piss.
| 23 Feb 10, 5:48 PM CookieMonster UK, 6 yrs |
You have a winged kitten problem? | ||
| 23 Feb 10, 6:04 PM MisterBear UK(WA), 8 yrs  |
No a winged puppy and Viking kitten problem. They keep trying to get me drunk. But that's got nothing to do with this blog. I always behave. I just don't specify how. | ||
| 23 Feb 10, 8:12 PM jules9 UK(CH), 2 yrs    |
You relieved yourself in the bin?!!?!! The bathroom is like 7 steps away - surely I am reading this wrongly?!!?! As for the creatures, I've noticed they don't piss themselves quite so quickly if they land on your hair... XxX Oh and I got some arnica - it hasn't worked!!!! | ||
| 23 Feb 10, 8:13 PM CookieMonster UK, 6 yrs |
so what are the white fluffy flying things? | ||
| 23 Feb 10, 8:21 PM MisterBear UK(WA), 8 yrs |
Give it time lass, it's not a miracle cure. Have to say I have no idea if it works, it's just what people tell me. I've never had problems with bruises. I always behave. I just don't specify how. | ||
| 23 Feb 10, 8:22 PM MisterBear UK(WA), 8 yrs |
Either fairies, dandelion seeds or that snow stuff. Could be something else, but I'm thinking fairies. I always behave. I just don't specify how. | ||
| 23 Feb 10, 8:24 PM MisterBear UK(WA), 8 yrs |
You are reading the rest of the sentence aren't you? It reveals what I relieved myself of. I always behave. I just don't specify how. | ||
| 23 Feb 10, 8:25 PM jules9 UK(CH), 2 yrs |
Admittedly I have only used it once, but that's not the point. I mean imagine attending a fetish event and not showing half my breasts to the world - surely that's like illegal or something!?!?! I just can't take the risk of being labelled an untwoo sub... Anyway Mister - I note the lack of response to the question about the bin....... XxX | ||
| 23 Feb 10, 8:26 PM jules9 UK(CH), 2 yrs |
Well you would go and answer just as I was chastising you for not answering, only to post it just seconds before I replied. I know it's deliberate. You really are such a sore looser at top trumps.... Seriously though, no, still confused - will read again and see if it clicks this time... XxX | ||
| 23 Feb 10, 8:27 PM MisterBear UK(WA), 8 yrs |
You were saying? I always behave. I just don't specify how. |
