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| poutanaki |
8 years!
That's how long I've been here now, and I've been pondering how much I've changed.
Then I was a naive 21 year old, just out of my first serious relationship. Searching for answers about myself and my sexuality. Searching for fulfillment and an explanation for the urges I had experienced for such a long time.
I had glimpsed my submission, explored it as much as I could in my previous relationship, but now I was determined to find out who and what I was. Just how far the rabbit hole went. I still haven't found that out. LOL!
At first I was terrified. I was shocked when I found out what people actually did to each other. This site and the people on it scared me, and I retreated. Not wanting to be one of those perverts.
I spent a little while staying away, till I came back slowly, began talking, began exploring ideas. Began discovering and admitting my desires. I found that I was not alone in the world, that people existed that could love me the way I craved. That my opposite did exist.
I spent so long not ready to meet anyone. Safely exploring from behind a screen. But over the years I progressed from online, to phone, to real life. I was so shy back then, but my desire pushed me to overcome my shyness. Because I needed to do this, to be this. It still took me over 5 years to pluck up the courage to go to a Munch!
It's been a slow steady journey, an exploration into myself. Even after all this time, I still learn new things about myself. I still have more questions than answers. Though I have learnt so much in those 8 years. Most importantly I have learnt to accept myself.
I have been through the years of confusion and guilt and shame. The coming to terms with my submission. The acceptance that I was infact a masochist. These were big things for me to get my head round, but that's just my nature I think.
8 years on, and it has been a journey. One that I am glad I embarked on, and I am thankful for this site for being there. For the advice and information and experience I have gained from it. For the people I have met, for the acceptance I have discovered. For the conflicts and battles and evolution in ideas and ideals that I have witnessed.
Thank you IC, thank you to every single person who has been part of my journey.
8 years... time flies ay, and yes... it has been fun! 
Edited Sun 21 Feb 10, 11:34 PM by poutanaki
