Lying - a hard limit? (52)

Remind me again why this thread is ok to post on Other BDSM while my admittedly controversial thread about pedophelia, art and BDSM got banned because it's not BDSM related?

Is it because it's got the words "hard limit" in there and because it's alluding to another post?

Just wondering...

PS: and yes, we all lie, especially when I say: "Oh please don't punish me"

"(Women) are not just there to be admired, they are there to be enjoyed."--Ellen Von Unwerth

Edited 19 Feb 10, 3:33 PM by just_m

Oh now this so rings a bell with me, especially the bits I have highlighted.

Very good post.

RD xx

It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do it
"Russian roulette is not the same without a gun and baby when its love, if it's not rough ,then it is not fun"

white lies of the form 'no your bum doesn't look big in that' are ok. but somewhere inbetween that and the huge whopping lies lie the petty silly lies that get people caught out.

An ex of mine strived to be friends after we split, but it was the silly pointless lies that caught her out, and led to the point that I can no longer trust her. she's not the first one either. Once that trust is lost, on whatever level of relationship, friends, lovers, s/m, D/s whatever, then it's not easy at all to get it back, or to believe anything that person says again.

It's also astounded me how often an ex has come clean for me to be absolutely fine with it, and then they've had to question why they just didn't say so in the first place.

For me, the truth is paramount.

I think in many established relationships there are some areas where sharing is deep and open and others where something of a veil is drawn, by mutual consent.

I've very recently come to realise however (through some interviews that I was party to) that some people are unable or unwilling to keep a secret of any kind from their partner, even if someone's shared something in confidence, even in counselling sessions, even commercial confidentialities or Official Secrets. It seems to be a small but significant minority.

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/

As for the 'does my bum look big in this' type of lie, ever heard of tact and diplomacy? Both much better than lies in m,y book. If I ask someone how I look in something I want an honest opinion, therefore I'd afford anyone who trusted me enough to ask me the same dignity rather than see them going out in something they look absolutely awful in.

I don't think there's any need for me to go into all the stuff about bigger, more 'important' lies since it's been done.

2 points I would like to pick up on however.

1. With reagards to children telling lies. yes, they all do it (apart from some who have certain types of disability which makes it virtually impossible for them to lie) but I don't think that's any reason to let them believe that it's ok to do it. I think it's perfectly acceptable to discourage lies in children the same as most parents do with any other aspect of socially acceptable behaviour. Isn't that a parents job?

2. It never ceases to amaze me how people can defend lying by making it something good. it's to protect the other person from being hurt. Nonsense (to a certain extent some lies can be partly about that), the main reason is to protect YOU, the liar from having to 'face the music'.

My family don't know about my interesst in all things dark and perverted and I don't want them to know, so, whild I don't tell outright lies (I'm a useless liar because I have such a bad memory) I am very selective and quite vague about what I do tell them when I go out etc. That is to protect me from the horror and judgment I'd have to face if they did find out.

If you're gonna fiddle, you have to be prepared to get wet!

I was Snow White...but I drifted

That implies there is music to face, other than the upset being honest will cause. Its reasonable not to disclose something that would cause pain, and its not always possible to give a vague answer, and declining to answer usually makes the other more keen to know.

simples examples;

That's a nice t-shirt, where did you get it?

It was a present... (unthinking truth, think mcfly think, you stupid fool, you know the next line is already)

Someone has good taste, who's it from?

MY EX BOUGHT IT FOR ME BUT I REALLY LIKE IT AND IM NOT BURNING IT IN A CERIMONIAL PURGING TO APPEASE YOUR JEALOUSY LIKE YOU WANTED ME TO DO WITH THE LIVING ROOM RUG NOR DO I WANT TO FACE A THREE HOUR SULK BECAUSE ACTUALLY THERE IS NOTHING AT HAND TO BEAT YOU SENSELESS WITH AND WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER ON A TRAIN FOR THE NEXT 5 HOURS

Oh a friend bought it for me, ya know jim the one who emigrated to Australia exactly a week before we met - yeah thats right - the same one who taught me how to eat pussy so well.

And all men kill the thing they love, By all let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!

Isn't that kinda making my point?

If you're gonna fiddle, you have to be prepared to get wet!

There was a case recently in the papers of a man who married late on, a woman with children in her 40s I think ,.. oh yes the Medals Man - had a massive number of medals on his chest at a miltary parade which no one could possibly have. Stupid idiot. Of course he got found out and it transpired he'd spun his wife a string of lies about war heroics etc in order to win her heart and then had to keep up the pretence. I think I'd find out. If you're clever and think and don't let yourself be deluded by someone I think you would suss out someone lying that much to you. I hope so anyway. I don't think doing a bit of due dilgence is wrong. People properties, companies, marriage certs, electoral role details are all on line. Doesn't sound very romantic but better you find out you're with a lying fraudster before the second date than plight your trothe and get misled for 20 years.

Ditto