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| MisterBear |
on Thu 18 Feb 10, 9:39 AM to MisterBear's blog.
Hands up those of you who always thought shotguns were the perfect tool for the job?
My hand is up as well, although explosives and chain-guns are high on the list too but have their limitations. Although with shotguns you tend to need to be closish if you really want the head to explode. And so you run the risk of getting into hand to hand.
So who thinks that Chainsaws are the best hand to hand weapon for taking on the brain eaters?
Me too, or at least I did. Chainsaws do have that increase the tension problem where you can't get them started or you've run out of petrol or something. But on the whole for chopping up zombies they are at the top of the list. Lightsabers would actually be higher but George Lucas is the wrong George to go to looking for zombies.
Anyway, there is now a new incredibly fearsome weapon in the zombie fighting arsenal and that's the home pregnancy test. Yep you read right, one of them sticks you piss on is the bane of zombies everywhere. Well it might be limited to delusional zombies in Thailand, but let's face it, what self respecting zombie could live with the knowledge that it's just been poked with a pissy stick?
The gem of apocalyptic self defence knowledge was bestowed upon me by a film I finally got around to watching yesterday. For a good few (6+?) months I've had a film called Sick Nurses. It was one of those £3 films that Asda sells and with a name like that there had to be something of interest in it. And there was, that snippet of zombie slaying info alone was worth it. And the bonus is, if the zombies gang rape you and fall asleep before getting round to eating yer brains, you can test for pregnancy after you get away.
Still I have to say, it's one of the weirdest films I've seen in a while. On the whole it doesn't quite make sense until you can work out which parts are flash backs. And even then it's not until near the end where if you are lucky enough to have picked up the pieces that you figure out what the hell is going on.
It probably makes more sense if you are Thai, it could be a cultural thing. Although it's not cultural in the way of Chinese vampires. I remember reading the write up of a film in the Radio Times about a Chinese martial arts vampire film. It was one of those films that's on Channel 4 after midnight and I was feeling up to watching it. The surprise that ran through my head when the vampires finally made an appearance was quite a unique experience. A village being terrorised by a horde of bunny hopping vampires was literally not terrifying. How the villages managed to get caught by them when a quick walk would have easily out distanced them, I didn't know. Maybe it was that thing about revering ancestors that made them all want to go up and check to see if one was their great great great grandma lured them into their clutches?
Anyway, this went for a more modern style beastie, that of a zombie revenant Crow style revenge seeker, and is where the comparison to The Grudge comes in, as written on the case. After 7 days the soul of the dead comes back to be with their loved one is the plan. But this one was murdered by a bunch of sick, yet quite attractive nurses and their Ma. Ma appears to be Thai for doctor.
And while these nurses are quite attractive, there is a lot of waste when it comes to opportunities to have them naked or really good kinky situations. There was some hair bondage and cuttings and blood play and so on, but they have one of the nurses shower in her clothes??? The film could have been so much kinkier.
Ultimately we decided the film was made by sick nurses rather than was about them.
Oh and don't forget your home pregnancy test, just in case.
| 18 Feb 10, 2:24 PM Conan_The_Librarian UK(S), 3 yrs |
The thought of a zombie apocalypse used to be the most terrifying thing I could imagine. Then I saw this and it added a new dimension of horror to a scenario already dripping with mind-numbing, bowl-emptying terr-orrrr; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZuK_wYrqp8 They will be coming for half of you. And they don't want your brains. Our worst enemies here are not the ignorant and the simple, however cruel; our worst enemies are the intelligent and corrupt. | |
| 18 Feb 10, 2:58 PM CookieMonster UK, 6 yrs |
I remember watching those bunny hoping Zombies as a student with friends, we couldn't stop laughing. For the next few days we were all hoping round the digs like chinese vampires. Hillarious. | |
| 18 Feb 10, 3:12 PM CookieMonster UK, 6 yrs |
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-uYKAaT3kI Chinese hopping zombie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1aE1bQDHRk chinese hopping vampires but not the notorious bunny hop. | |
| 18 Feb 10, 4:55 PM MisterBear UK(WA), 8 yrs  |
I've just remembered that the way to defeat the vampires was to pin a copy of the local restaurants menu on them. Not sure about the hopping zombies though. I always behave. I just don't specify how. | |
| 20 Feb 10, 12:06 AM darkdollie UK(FY), 7 yrs £ |
I have mine to hand right now - just in case!!
And beware flying foetuses xxx | |
| 20 Feb 10, 9:31 AM MisterBear UK(WA), 8 yrs |
I think I'm fine, I still have my jaw. I always behave. I just don't specify how. |
