This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 17 Feb 10, 6:42 PM Ficsit47 UK(GU), 2 yrs   |
I agree with your friend. Most relationships require some space to be given to 'open' discussion to enable development and the deepening of trust within the relationship. Having said that, any 'challenge' from my sub needs to be appropriate with solid backing otherwise the consequences of frivolous challenge could themselves be a little 'challenging'. He He!! | ||
| 17 Feb 10, 10:19 PM strongarm CH, 6 yrs |
Yupp me too. Very effective. Not pleasant having a sulking dom in your vicinity. Sadism at its best. | ||
| 17 Feb 10, 11:08 PM Red_Spark UK(LE), 5 yrs |
I see challenging and supporting (from both sides) as part of a relationship so view some kinds of 'challenging' somewhat differently than I'd view 'challenging' behaviour during a play session. Obviously I have no issues with a sub raising a problem or whatever during play or making me aware of something I should know about that I'd overlooked or didn't know - but I don't perceive that as 'challenging'. Petulant or brattish behaviour is a different thing though.
I suppose for me, 'challenging' as applied to a dynamic within a relationship is a positive thing because I like challenges. It's not about your partner being awkward all the time, but more about learning about them and what makes them tick, and also learning about yourself and perhaps having to face up to things about yourself. I think a good relationship both makes and helps you to do these things - hence 'challenging' and 'supportive' at the same time. "Be quiet and come with me. I won't betray you." | ||
| 17 Feb 10, 11:59 PM Londonista UK(E), 2 yrs |
Crazy. D/s relationships don't come with a manual. Don't think of it as being so prescriptive. Challenge as you see fit. It isn't a prison sentence, it's a relationship. Unless, that's what you're into of course! | ||
| 18 Feb 10, 12:14 AM slightly_deviant_Tom UK(NG), 3 yrs |
Absolutely. In any context, d/s or otherwise, the person who is meant to hold the power is not always correct. The relationship determines how the dominated party raises an issue. A relationship based on honesty and mutual benefit can only suffer if just one side is able to air its views. I'm here for rope, not politics. | ||
| 18 Feb 10, 2:12 AM strongarm CH, 6 yrs |
Indeed crazy. This is IC. Ask any question, crazy or not, and you will get a dozen contradictory, prescriptive responses. Then again it is crazy to take any of them too seriously. | ||
| 18 Feb 10, 2:18 AM little_voice UK, 2 yrs |
If the sub knows the dom to be wrong, but allows them to believe otherwise by keeping quiet, any respect will soon be lost. | ||
| 18 Feb 10, 8:25 AM Dapper_Dom 2 yrs |
What a beneficial reply. Thank you for sharing that, SinPar | ||
| 19 Feb 10, 11:28 AM Ruby_Skye 3 yrs |
If there is a good mutual communication then there is no need to challenge anything or anyone in my experience. However, I only partake in long term relationships with my submissives, built on good foundations of friendship and, shock horror, actually liking each other as human beings. Talking is a massively important tool and one which is informative after play. I do feel that without this communication, one to one (or one to two in our case!) then we as dominants would also miss something of the experience and, after all, it is all about mutual pleasure. | ||
| 19 Feb 10, 11:48 AM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
Talking talking and more talking is paramount. I can't conceive of any circumstances where I wouldn't want a submissive to question, advise or challenge me - there is no point in being involved with someone who is intelligent and then refusing to listen to their counsel. Just because a relationship is based on D/s doesn't mean that the submissive should be a passive partner. Life is full of challenges, and any dominant who feels that they have all the answers to everything that will ever happen in life is mad. Part of the submissive's role should be to make their dominant's life easier, and there are many ways that this can happen just by her using her intelligence to help her dominant from screwing up. In the end, the dominant has the final say in what happens, but only a fool would not wish to listen to advice. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars" - Oscar Wilde |
