This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Tue 16 Feb 10, 2:00 AM jillybo UK(G), 5 yrs |
Alright. Well I was talking to a friend of mine who's a little more experienced than me and whos's opinions i've come to respect quite highly and she pointed out that a healthy D/s relationship is one where both parties challenge and support each other. I know that seems like a very obvious statement to make but being a sub I'd always considered the very basics of a D/s relationship being about one party being in control and the other doing as they're told. Now it could be my limited experience talking, but how is it possible for a sub to challenge a dom without showing disobedience or petulance? I know that 'challenging and supporting' doesn't mean the dominant saying 'do this' and the sub replying with 'well maybe i don't want to do that!'... it's more to do with challenging and supporting them as a person and both parties growing as people as a result. But how is it possible for a submissive to challenge and support a dominant without questioning their authority or undermining them in some way? | |
| 16 Feb 10, 2:54 AM SinPar US, 11 yrs  |
I pay attention to the patterns, though, if something comes up too often then we discuss it. I think I'm pretty vigilant about being manipulated and if the submissive remains un-trusting over time, then maybe we aren't really all that good of a match for each other. SinPar ** This is predicated on the idea that I'm not going to do anything that I haven't thought through before asking. I don't generally ask for weird, impossible things- basic consistent obedience is tough enough without me adding anything extreme to it.
-- The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone's concern, and like vampires they suck our life's blood. (Bette Davis) | |
| 16 Feb 10, 6:55 PM Sapphire_princess 2 yrs |
because they are not 'always' correct and so it is healthy to air your opinion.......unless of course you are in the middle of play and are in quite a predicament.....then keep it zipped! x Also the 'base' level never changes, i.e He is always the dominant party and in control and both of you know it, but it is important to be you and express yourself x Edited 16 Feb 10, 6:59 PM by Sapphire_princess | |
| 16 Feb 10, 9:14 PM BenjaminJBrown UK(BS), 3 yrs  |
I agree with your friend, plus -not all Doms or Masters want passive submission or unchallenging obedience -I really like receiving a bit of playful resistance or being challenged mid-session... (sometimes) ...overpowering resistance helps me get in the mood!  | |
| 16 Feb 10, 9:26 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
I'm not dull to talk to but I wouldn't want to be challenging a dominant boyfriend. I might disagree with his views but I'd prefer to be with someone where we had similar views I suppose because I don't want to be challenging him all the time. If he doesn't work but just sits around I wouldn't want to be having to get him to make some kind of a career. If he is very left wing or not as libertarian as I am or has very different views than I do on how I bring up my children... yes just sounds like far too much work to be challenging all the time, exhausted writing about it. Better to find compatibility or something you can just accept and live with. I want him to be right and I learn from him. | |
| 16 Feb 10, 9:26 PM CarolinaMoon IE, 4 yrs |
Because sometimes doms get it wrong and need telling...... You don't have to be nasty or rude about it and if they aren't completely up their own arse (sadly this is often the case) they listen. | |
| 16 Feb 10, 9:36 PM steelhouse UK(E), 10 yrs |
Its always nice to have a bit of rebellion and spirit. Doormats are just no fun! | |
| 16 Feb 10, 9:41 PM jules9 UK(CH), 2 yrs    |
I don't see it as an issue myself.
I am highly opinionated (I know you lot would never have guessed I would talk, explain my take on things, and then trust my Dom to think about it and make the best decision for us both. Challenging them is one thing, demanding they agree with your opinion is another though... XxX | |
| 16 Feb 10, 10:51 PM passion8 UK(SW), 3 yrs |
This has been a non-issue for me. In a good D/s dynamic I enjoy the fact that I can just be myself. Which often means stubborn and challenging (in a lively and hopefuly entertaining way). On the few occasions when a prospective Dom has found me too much of a challenge, it a clear indication that we're simply not right for each other. But I should stress that I always give my wholehearted support to my D/s partner. I've got nothing but respect and admiration for a good Dom. I value and cherish the effort they make and the pleasure they offer me as a gift xx This is not just any scene, This is an S&M scene xx Edited 16 Feb 10, 11:06 PM by passion8 | |
| 16 Feb 10, 11:01 PM Romola UK, 7 yrs |
I don't think I do challenge, really. It doesn't seem to fit me. If i disagree, it's more a kind of opting out, refusal to participate. I do try to support him though, and I'm not a wimp by any means. It's only a weblog | |
| 16 Feb 10, 11:27 PM DancesWithPussycats UK(TW), 7 yrs |
When she gets stroppy I sulk until I get my way International man of mystery |
