a personal draft M/s contract (30)

Once trust, love, and commitment for the long term are there, there is no need for a contract as everything can be worked out by verbal communication.

I am not particularly ritualistic and find the concept of written contracts go against how I like to feel in a relationship which is free to exercise my will as I please. 'My Will be done' as it was so eloquently put by Lady_Lucan Contacts do bind both people and I see no need to be bound in my relationship.

My sub knows he is in my possession and as such has given over all his rights to me and we need no contract to define or hold us to that position.

24/7 subs and slaves can and do live similar lives, it is only the concept of 'ownership' which separates them.

I broadly agree actually. I don't expect you to have read the whole thread, but actually we already discussed approximately these points on p.1.

Basically I agree it's probably quite unnecessary, but I just found it fun to write and therefore I think it might be fun for a woman considering becoming my slave to read or for me to allude to later... or if it's not fun, then I wouldn't push it.

I agree we disagree about this, and I think you put the difference very clearly.

I am aware my view is practically almost heretical in the bdsm scene, but I don't believe there is really a separate, special type of person who is a "M/s person" -I tend to believe strictly-vanillas are just repressed, and really everybody is naturally more or less inclined to enjoy bdsm-type feelings, with or without the external rituals. I.e. everybody has the potential to enjoy bdsm in some form, it just depends how repressed they are whether they're able to acknowledge it consciously and think about it calmly and clearly enough to be able to design SSC and fun ways of playing with those feelings. All the friends I've mentioned my involvement to have responded more or less positively, with curiousity too -I don't think it really makes us that 'special'.

I wasn't assuming that D/s isn't real life at all, but of course it all depends what you mean by 'real'!

I thought I could put down the D/s in favour of love. I'd already experienced a seven year 24/7 D/s (almost M/s) relationship.

For love, I abandoned my D/s nature as something I could live without and went into a marriage which lasted longer but was grossly unhappy for more than half the time. One of the major reasons for this was because my D nature had no outlet and had to be curbed. It took me a long time to realise this and longer to do anything about it.

I have now met someone who is my almost perfect opposite and together we feel like the missing pieces in eachother's jigsaws.She is lucky enough to be able to keep her vanilla relationship going at the same time and believes the sharing may have prevented that sundering.

You may be lucky and find that you can abandon your D/s nature for love. Very many here appear, tragically, to have found that that is not the case. And many of those have found that it is the hardest thing to convince their vanilla partner to embrace a D/s dynamic.

Best to you.

Patience is bitter - but its fruit is sweet.
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

Edited 18 Feb 10, 10:08 AM by Belasarius

I agree with this - but I do love our book, signed in blood, full of meaningful little verses and celebrations of achievements - and read to eachother, once in a while, before bed time .

But, a contract implies finality - whereas for me the dynamic is a journey - and there is always another range of hills to climb.

Patience is bitter - but its fruit is sweet.
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

"N. wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live? The Man shall answer, I will. Then shall the Priest say unto the Woman,

N. wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honour, and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live? The Woman shall answer, I will. Then shall the Minister say, Who giveth this woman to be married to this man? "

mmmmm

"People are inherently evil, but very, very funny" - Joe Orton.

I don't think our viewpoints are really incompatible at all. BDSM kind of feelings may be fairly universal and entirely natural, not really 'perverse' or even special, and strictly-vanillas may be just repressed AND what you said can also be entirely true -that it's hard or impossible to let go of desiring complete fulfilment when you've seen the greater potential for satisfaction of sexuality which embraces bdsm.

I know I would find it very hard or impossible to give up wanting/needing bdsm as part of a happy sexual relationship now, but I don't think that necessarily implies anything about others being less un-fulfilled just by not being conscious of it or that bdsm-instincts are really special or peculiar to only some people.

I think we're both right.

x

is that you being circumspect ?

Edited 18 Feb 10, 12:59 PM by Mr_Worm

Over the years I've seen many people come to IC full of enthusiasm, asking "how do I make my vanilla significant other embrace my D'/s needs". They get a wealth of replies wishing them luck, almost as many warning them that their experience leads them to believe it will never happen and, my impression is, that mostly the OP disappears without trace in a month or two.

I regret to say I don't think the world is comprised of vanilla people unaware of their inner kinkster - but, i wish it were true

Best to you.

Patience is bitter - but its fruit is sweet.
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99