This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Tue 9 Feb 10, 5:56 PM irishjoe IE, 6 yrs  |
edited by OP Edited Mon 16 May 11, 10:24 AM by irishjoe | |||
| 9 Feb 10, 6:04 PM Red_Spark UK(LE), 5 yrs |
I think you should tell her directly how you're feeling... I mean no need to be disrespectful to her but just out and out your feelings. you don't have to have a 'relationship' in order to care about someone as a person - that's part of a friendship too. and if someone seems not to actually *like* you very much as a person, that comes across as disrespectful and obviously can make you very wary about submitting to them as you do not want to be emotionally hurt! I think honesty is the best policy. you can be clear that no, you are not expecting a 'relationship' but as you enjoy your play sessions you have a feeling of liking and kind of 'friendly bond' towards your domme that its somewhat hurtful when it seems to be not reciprocated. Respect is essential. and although I don't play with subs any more except my own, in all cases previously if they can be friends its better (even though I never wanted a 'relationship'). "Be quiet and come with me. I won't betray you." | |||
| 9 Feb 10, 6:04 PM Mistress_Susannah UK(SE), 6 yrs £  |
She's already said that she doesn't want a full on relationship but wants to play. It seems as if she's been very clear. If I was playing with someone then yes, a text a day would be too much..... unless I'd instructed them to do so. The hot and cold could be to do with the fact that she enjoys playing with you, but can see that you're getting too attached and is eager to keep a distance. Who knows, she may be struggling with the same feelings as you. I suggest that you communicate your feelings to her and tell her that you're getting attached. Maybe you need to take a little time apart. But she won't know how you're feeling and what steps to take unless you tell her. | |||
| 9 Feb 10, 6:22 PM irishjoe IE, 6 yrs |
edited. on another note @Redspark i read your incarceration story a while back and loved it. Something i would be willing to do to show my seriousness..quite a test, quite a lady. Edited 22 Jan 12, 12:57 PM by irishjoe | |||
| 9 Feb 10, 6:25 PM Mistress_Susannah UK(SE), 6 yrs £ |
Personally speaking, this sort of game playing is the ultimate turn off. Speak to her.
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| 9 Feb 10, 7:58 PM mornington_crescent UK(CB), 3 yrs |
Personally, I would not expect a play-only partner to be exclusive, unless it had been explicitly discussed. You've said yourself that you are not into casual play. I suggest you carefully consider if a play-only relationship is something you want to be doing at all. ~ Also known as catherine_winkworth | |||
| 9 Feb 10, 8:01 PM Mistress_Susannah UK(SE), 6 yrs £ |
Neither would I..... but I gauged from the OP that he would find a play partner simply to make his current Mistress jealous..... and I don't particularly think that would be a good tack for anyone - apols if I've misinterpretted what he said.
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| 9 Feb 10, 8:05 PM mornington_crescent UK(CB), 3 yrs |
Ah yes, that's a good point, and fair enough. ~ Also known as catherine_winkworth | |||
| 9 Feb 10, 8:11 PM Diablos_patience UK, 5 yrs |
The dynamic of the relationship is a purely play dynamic... therefore out of that she isn't really your Mistress, she has been very clear about that... her boundaries have been established. I personally do not see it as she is losing respect for you nor do i see it as she is blowing hot or cold. What i do potentially see is you blurring the boundaries and misreading things. Ultimately she is a human and at times she may wish to send a random text here or there... that does not mean that she is changing the boundaries of the relationship, if she wanted to do that she would inform you of such. I understand you feeling close to her as the act of submission to another, especially if you take that act as seriously as you do, does that to you. But in reality she isn't asking you for your devotion and loyalty. ... the fact you have given her this has been your choice. All it appears she is willing to offer you is occasional play sessions and i cant see any evidence which suggests that this has changed. I agree with the others in that you need to communicate to her your feelings ... i wouldn't put any demands on her nor would i word it in the way that you have worded the OP as im quite sure in her eyes she thinks she hasn't done anything wrong and she just potentially sees you as over stepping the mark somewhat and thus she withdraws contact. ~* Raku wa ku no tané; ku wa raku no tané. *~ | |||
| 9 Feb 10, 8:12 PM Kali_Ma UK(B), 5 yrs |
Like all relationships, communication is KEY. If you can't talk to her about how you are feeling then you do not have the basis for a healthy relationship, let alone one where power is exchanged. Don't play games with her. Talk to her, if she is not mature enough to meet you half way then you are best off out of it. PGK x 'My Brothers, My Sisters, My Blood...' | |||
| 9 Feb 10, 11:21 PM Red_Nic UK(B), 3 yrs |
Why continue it? Because playing is fun  . If you're not enjoying it or it's not right for you, don't keep doing it. Generally, if you know that you will definitely get over attached when you submit then I would say that a play only relationship is probably not right for you. She's told you she just wants play, my guess is that she backs off whenever she senses that you are pushing her for more. Or maybe she just wants a change in conversation; there's no conversation that lasts forever, and no matter how close you are to a person, even a partner, it would be nightmarish to never talk to anyone else. If you want another play relationship because you want it, then go for it. If you're doing it to spite her, it likely won't work. Your posts do read as if you are still expecting her to change her mind, you still want more from her. Try and talk it through but be prepared that she might finish things completely if she thinks that you're not compatible. I know it's from a different perspective but personally if I think that a play partner (Dom) is starting to act too possessive or if they question why I don't want a relationship with them then I back off before they get too carried away with those thoughts. And vanilla much more straightforward? Nah, not in my experience, at least here people can say what they actually want instead of it being tip-toed around and guessed at. |
