LDR and punishments (38)

What punishments do your subs have to do when they are alone.

Do they do lines?

Do they do essays?

Do you tell them to go to bed early?

jxx

It's not something I have a lot of experience with - but things I like include: lines, essays, wanking bans, emailing photos of something that would be considered punishment, usually along the humiliation front.

Gothicmum
http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/jacquelineca... please help me and my daughter reach our target
It can't rain all the time
life is what you make it so make mine a double

Waiting, knowing your in trouble, going to be punished, creates an amazing sense of fear. Not knowing when its going to happen.

Take Rape scenes, i know its not punishment per-say but ive a good friend who says its mind blowing not knowing when or where.

Remember when you were small "wait till your father gets home" shitting a brick, trying to make up for your wrong. If youve made the mistake before and know what happened the last time your head gets all fucked up with anxiety.

YUMMY

Gives your partner all the more time to plan and prepare for a suitable punishment and also to inflict said punishment without emotional attachment i.e. "anger"

Hit me with your rhythm stick. Hit me! Hit me! Je t'adore, ich liebe dich, Hit me! hit me! hit me! Hit me with your rhythm stick. Hit me slowly, hit me quick. Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
Ian Dury & the Blockheads

I have very mixed feelings about punishment anyway but that aside, the issue of when is best is a big one.

My professional background is in education therefore my experience of behaviour modification (rewards and punishments) is with children, so perhaps it's not as simplistic when applying BM to adults.

The idea behind immediate punishment (or praise/reward for that matter) is that it is, where possible, directly associated (in time) to the behaviour, therefore strengthening the cause and effect link. As I said that works extremely well for children but for adults I don't imagine it's just as important in order for the punishment to be effectual.

And of course the other side of that is the fear and anticipation of having to wait, knowing what's coming (generaly, even if you don't know the specific punishment) and the emotional punishment that that alone could bring - which could in itself be a problem because it tends to drag things out rather than an issue being delt with and the slate being cleared fairly quickly.

That, I suspect, is for each couple to decide which option best fits their particular dynamic i.e. oportunity for immediate punishment, how delayed punishment would work (or not) for each of them, and the effect having to wait and keeping things 'bottled up' has on them individually and as a couple.

Another consideration, which is the biggest one for me, is that if Ollie does/says something to upset me on a Tuesday and I don't see him again till the Thursday, unless it's something particularly awful, I'm very likely to have calmed down and not be so upset about it by then, therefore having to dole out a punishment after such a delay would seem false and almost staged to me (this is just my personal view on how I feel and how I see punishment to be most effective - if it's genuine and done with real intense feeling i.e. disappointment, hurt, but not anger). For me that would need to be immediate.

Again it's very dependent on your individual situationa dn what works best for you as individuals and as a couple. there are lots of punishments that can be handed out 'from a distance' and can be jsut as effectual as being punished in person.

In order to know virtue, we must first aquaint ourselves with vice - Marquis De Sade

This makes delivery of punishments difficult, as I could happily enforce writing lines or an essay however if he is in the same rebellious mood that caused his disobedience in the first place, he simply will not do the punishment set for him.

As you can imagine, this is causing some rather severe problems as he is quite a strong-willed individual and fights every step of the way. I need to think of a way to punish him effectively, but am finding it increasingly difficult to do so.

Well, it would appear there are several things going on here. He is rebellious (nothing wrong with that in my eyes) but sounds like he is cashing in on the fact you only get together every couple of weeks or whatever.

He doesn't see the punishment as relevant, well, if he knows there will be a consequence for his bad behaviour in advance then he can make his choice whether to defy you.

tell him that if he defies you then you will punish him when you see him. Tell him what it will be and he can then decide if it is worth it. The thing is you have to go through with it when you see him. I don't see my sub for a couple of weeks at a time and he can get a bit cheeky in between times so I just tell him what will happen if he carries on and if he chooses to do so then it's his decision. When we do see each other he may have forgotten but I haven't and I whisper in his ear what I am about to do do and why and then do it.

Maybe if you do this a few times the rebellion and defiance may stop.

"Eats shoots and leaves" or maybe "Eats, shoots and leaves"
Your or you're so do you know the difference?
"Grains of sand is all we are, crawling on our manic star"

In the past, if they have refused to do the punishment, I ignore them. In particular, I had problems with things like lines or essays because they could use the "I really didn't have time" excuse and you didn't know if it was true or not. One punishment which was particularly effective was the femsub, when going out with her friends, would have to drink a couple glasses of tomato juice. Since she detested the stuff... of course, she could have always tipped it, but it was mild enough (though manky) that I've no doubt she did it. Other than that, I have forbad people to speak to me for weeks, and if particularly annoyed, a month.

Obviously, I would HATE to do that in a situation where I would miss a meet and opportunity to play with them. But I would do it without hesitation, even if it was with regret.

Maybe finding some kind of immediate reward for completing the task? I have done "I will speak to you again as soon as I have received the completed essay". That gives them some control over the matter still, if it is some control they need.

If it happened all the time, it would make me really unhappy, I have to say. I would wonder what the point was and if the relationship was even founded on the right premise (ie more playing and less d/s). I'm not saying anything about yours - everyone and every situation is different. But I've never been inclined to a constant "showing who is boss" relationship or brats. Life's too short to be stressed out.

Or make sure the punishment you do is harsh enough that he won't do it again. The *ONE* time I had to do punishment, it was a mathematical summing up of how often something was neglected. The Sum of cane strokes was 80.

It hasn't happened again.

But in the end, it all depends on your relationship. Hopefully you will get a lot more suggestions. It sounds like you really want it to work!

I think the largest problem, is that even after being informed of the prospective punishment (usually pain, as he HATES it), he will still willingly defy me. He's obsessed with this idea of 'feeling controlled' however, by constantly defying my wishes, he's destroying any control I do have over him at such a distance. I have explained to him that in order to feel under my control, his obedience is a must, as I've got for more important things to do in my life than constantly punishing and asserting myself over him.

He tells me that by not ordering him around all the time (I instead use a strict set of rules and a regime so I don't have to be in contact 24/7) that I am not taking an active enough interest and that he feels I'm only doing this half-heartedly.

And I wish, I truly do wish with-holding any form of contact between us worked, but he sees lack of contact as a reprieve rather than a punishment (due to our past vanilla relationship).

So, he disobeys when you do give him orders and whines when you don't. He sounds like a massive pillock - you've got to be very stupid to not grasp that if you constantly disobey the orders you're given, the one giving the orders is going to get irritated. I'd say, if nothing works, drop him.

Disclaimer: I am an exceptionally sarcastic person. Most of what I say if probably sarcastic in some way. Please keep that in mind. Nicht sorgen.