Cravings and violence (28)

btw respects to all that post my thoughts are my own! Cyan the Blackheart

Happiness lies neither in vice nor in virtue; but in the manner we appreciate the one and the other, and the choice we make pursuant to our individual organization.

Edited 10 Feb 10, 4:21 PM by solution_acheived

Anyhow from my perspective it's about good pain and bad pain, rather than soft or hard pain. It's either pain I like or pain I don't and that doesn't necessarily always relate to how heavy the input of pain is as to how much pleasure I receive from it. As, I'm sure, with us all, I'm trying to achieve the 'perfect' hit, each time wanting it to be better and better than before, and like a previous poster already mentioned it's all about 'intensity.' I used to insist on going in cold for this reason as I feel the depth of feeling is more intense when it's sudden than a gradual build up of pain. I still believe this, however I have also now experienced a more gradual build up of pain which means that although there may be a more gradual build up of intensity of feeling/pleasure, it dramatically increases the amount of time that the pain input can continue without damage, thus resulting in a different kind of intensity, from a much longer lasting input continually building and increasing. Different kinds of intensity and pleasures. Anyhow(!) I have two different approaches, one centers entirely around the giving and receiving of pain, attempting to get maximum possible pleasure from pain alone and keeping all other factors/distractions to a minimum.

In this sort of scenario I am receiving exactly the kind of pain that works best for me and in a method that works best for me. The pleasure from the pain is so fantastic I will absolutely *not* want it to stop. I haven't yet had a session like this where I've had enough. So here I have no choice but to ask the giver to take responsibility to make the call to stop when a pre agreed limit has been reached (usually based on damage) and in truth I'm usually in no fit state to make that decision myself. This is where trust in the giver is vitally important IMO and I am very very picky about who I allow to hit me as a result of that. That's not something I worry about, I see it as part and parcel of indulging in such an intense sort of activity.

So in this sort of situation I'd say that yes, I always crave more, every time. However it's not *harder* pain that I crave, rather it's intensity of pleasure. In the case of canes, well you can only hit so hard anyway and remain accurate so it's more a case of craving maximum intensity of pleasure and for as long as possible rather than craving harder pain. This really doesn't worry me in the least, it's very safe and you'd have to be mad not to want as much as you can possibly get of something that feels *that* good.

The other sort of scenario I like is to try to combine fear and pain together as I've found that I greatly enjoy fear and that it can greatly enhance the intensity of the experience for me (again this is another different sort of intensity involving other additional elements.)

I think that for me the *perfect* hit will very probably be the *right* combination of fear/adrenalin being used as a catalyst/enhancement to maxiamise the pain/endorphin hit following.

So to involve fear in this way, I've discovered that it needs to be new and different each time. The same sort of fear situation won't work a second time as it's no longer new so I need to try to find new more intense sorts of fear to incorporate into my scene. This is where I would say that yes, it does worry me a little, about where it might all end. This is the part that involves pushing risk (and actually an aspect I particularly enjoy assessing and calculating) to get that fear, so in that aspect it's more dangerous, although the risk assessment is attempting to minimise the risk while maximising the fear. <wonder if this makes sense to anyone reading!>

So to summarise That I crave more and more intensity and pleasure from pain does not in itself worry me, as it's intensity of pleasure I seek not greater and greater input of pain.

That I crave more intensity of fear does worry me, as it involves more pushing limits re risk.

posted with permission of Cyan Blackheart

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up

It's the quantity I'm craving. I want more of it. More, more, more. More often. Sometimes the bruises don't have time to heal.

Good post, it articulates what some people fear.

If I am mentally/physically tired from r/l I seem to go one of two ways: a vegetative state for use and abuse or I can't "relax" properly.

If I'm mentally raring to go then yes that scares me as I do crave more and more in different dimensions / more intensity which I'm not sure if it turns me into a demanding sub but I have no sense of self restraint. There have been occasions when I see my reflection in the mirror and it feel like I'm watching someone else.

Addiction ? more a recreational habbit

Why worried?

My answer is yes and its a worry but I aint gonna change, how can I ? needs are needs after all. I think its a taboo thing as well for me I love edge play knives cutting for example and as long as your with someone safe, fine. But then the real danger eliment aint there is it ?? As for pushing ....I am a pushy cunt so I push whoever I am with always and expect it back .

" I'm selfish,impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't desreve me at my best." Marilyn Monroe.

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Don't worry, I take care for it. They won't heal.