Aftercare-advice for a newbie. (18)

This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.

Sun 7 Feb 10, 8:26 PM
Adomination
UK(M), 3 mths
Hi all,
I am curious to know how I can ensure the right kind of aftercare.
So if your sub drops, and you are unable to be there with them physically, what kind of things can I do to help.
What can I say or instruct over the phone that will help them until I'm able to be present and shower with care and affection.
Practical stuff, such as to get a warm shower, as well as things to say to encourage and support emotionally.
Thanks in advance.
A x

7 Feb 10, 8:34 PM
andrewsean
UK(CO), 3 yrs

A snuggle blanket and keep warm has always been my advice, sleep if they can and a teddy bear to cuddle works as well.
Treat problems like a dog would.....If you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it and walk away.

7 Feb 10, 8:40 PM
ClassAct2005
UK, 5 yrs
If you're not with her make sure she can get safely home. Tell her to get into bed. Tell her she'll be fine and she's a good girl and will feel better the next day.

7 Feb 10, 8:40 PM
penwiggle
UK, 3 yrs

Ice cream is my tonic.
But as far as what you can do to help, listen. Be someone your sub can talk too and express his or her feelings. Recognising what the feelings are is a good first step.
But, not everyone gets sub drop, and not every time. I've had it a few times, mostly when my emotions were already low.
Pen
You say Ouch like it's a bad word.

7 Feb 10, 8:40 PM
Caracal
UK(SS), 3 yrs

Have a read of this article, I've found it very useful in the past.
http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/dictionary/Afte...
Ensuring that the sub is aware that you are there, even if not physically, can go a long way to alleviating drop and combined with guidance on the practicalities, should minimize it greatly. Drop can do funny things, so much emotion is involved as well as the physical side effects and you (one) may not be aware of what is actually happening if you're inexperienced in it.
Don't forget to look after yourself as well, it happens to doms too - it just isn't talked about so much.
I find now that whichever role I have taken, just the reinforcement that each other is there has been enough to keep it to a minimum and I ensure that I maintain frequent and regular contact with the other person for at least a few days after a heavy session.

What is a Caracal?
The nice lady with the whip.

7 Feb 10, 8:46 PM
lima_pink_tigress
UK(G), 16 mths

I'd say lots of care and attention as a preventative measure (i.e straight after play) and if she does drop after that basically more of the same over the phone. Lots of reassurance that she's not mad, she is cared for and that she's not the only one that this happens to. Oh, and that it will pass and she will feel much better soon. Remind her of the high that brought on the low. Go into detail about the things you know she really likes/liked during the particular scene. Remind her how those things made her feel and how it made you feel to be able to give her that.
Also advise her to spoil herself. A long soak in a warm bubble bath with a glass of wine and her favourite music playing. Her favourite food and some chocolate for an instant hit. Also excercise is good as it gets the endorphins flowing again. Even if it's just a walk in the fresh air for a half hour it should help.
The most valuable thing I found when I suffered from subdrop was having friends and people that I could speak who understood where I was coming from and (more or less) exactly what/how I was feeling. It does make a difference when someone who has experinced it says "I know what you mean but it will get better".
As long as you're supportive, understanding and sympathetic (whatever you do, don't belittle how she's feeling or pass it off as a particularly bad case of PMT) I'd say you can't go far wrong
Edited for stupid typing!

In order to know virtue, we must first aquaint ourselves with vice - Marquis De Sade
Edited 7 Feb 10, 8:51 PM by lima_pink_tigress

7 Feb 10, 8:46 PM
lahmai
UK(SE), 7 mths
Give them one of your shirts to snuggle in and tell them they're a good girl/boy
I'll do anything for a lollipop...

7 Feb 10, 8:48 PM
trillium
UK(N), 2 yrs

Adomination wrote:
Aftercare-advice for a newbie.
Hi all,
I am curious to know how I can ensure the right kind of aftercare.
So if your sub drops, and you are unable to be there with them physically, what kind of things can I do to help.
What can I say or instruct over the phone that will help them until I'm able to be present and shower with care and affection.
Practical stuff, such as to get a warm shower, as well as things to say to encourage and support emotionally.
Thanks in advance.
A x

A warm drink, an enjoyable read/book, pet/stroke a dog or cat. As for things you can say, you could get your sub to lay down and recite a passage that she/he would find soothing/enjoyable/expanding. You could also guide him/her into a meditative state through directing their breathing and creating visualisations within their body, usually starting from the feet and ending in the mind or crown chakra.
Symbols can never be what it is they represent.

7 Feb 10, 8:48 PM
Feral_Laref
UK(WF), 15 mths Preparation really is key. I've sub dropped once my entire life and the domme was well prepared (it happens to men too).
Warm Blankets are a must but ask if theres anything they like or feel comfortable with and make sure they have it at both ends, their place and yours.
Also I've read somewhere about vitamins on a sub manual somewhere on the net that allows subs to handle their own drops if they need to but dom/mes reading it wouldn't go amiss either.
Can anyone remind me the website address for it?
As for anything else I'd be only echoing everyone else.
Edited 7 Feb 10, 8:49 PM by Feral_Laref

7 Feb 10, 9:09 PM
Vamp_Mystik
UK(L), 11 mths

The only addition that I can give is that when I have experienced 'drop' I guess I needed reassurance and care for a few days after. The high was so high if you like that it stood to reason that the opposite was likely and took a few days to settle.
The challenge is to be yourself, in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else......

7 Feb 10, 9:18 PM
trillium
UK(N), 2 yrs

Caracal wrote:
Have a read of this article, I've found it very useful in the past.
http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/dictionary/Afte...

It's a good article, well explained.
Symbols can never be what it is they represent.

Next page


	©1997-2010 Informed Consent