This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 7 Feb 10, 6:01 PM slutling_angel 3 yrs  |
If this is the case then, Domination is a gift! Personally I don't understand all this (gift malarky). Both bodies and minds need to connect with each other before Dom or sub hands themselves over to another. As for the OP question, there has to be respect on an equal footing surely? Otherwise what's the point?
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do". ( Confucius) | |||
| 7 Feb 10, 6:19 PM trillium UK(N), 4 yrs  |
(*I edited your post above to what I think you were meant to type) For me respect is not a conscious decision to be made and it usually only requires a brief moment of meeting someone to tell whether I respect them or not. Trust is something that is built up over time and experience with a person. I can put full trust in my desires or subconscious self and 'ride out an experiance' with an unfamiliar person, but I've got no trust for the person just trust in my own experience. Symbols can never be what it is they represent. | |||
| 7 Feb 10, 6:28 PM NickiB UK(BS), 2 yrs |
Well - yeah?
Indeed - surely you are giving each other what you think the other wants? You're not just helping yourself - or at least, not without initial permission? .
A closet dom, obviously...
Nicki | |||
| 7 Feb 10, 6:30 PM Zorro666 UK(WC), 3 yrs |
Surely mutual respect is the foundation of any D/s relationship. s respects D for what they are and D respects s for what they are..... I personally could not be with a s who didn't respect herself and know enough about herself to know what she wants and needs. A duty of care is absolute to any good D, and surely you cannot conduct that duty if you don't respect what a sub needs?
Travelling the world....sometimes together....sometimes alone.....life is better shared with others | |||
| 7 Feb 10, 6:33 PM trillium UK(N), 4 yrs |
Hehe, I am openly Dominant but I have less trust within myself being Dominant then I do being submissive. Symbols can never be what it is they represent. | |||
| 8 Feb 10, 10:46 PM NightFox UK(CV), 2 yrs |
Yes, I think that encapsulates it very well. What I have found is that any 'relaitonship' that is based purely around BDSM and play can be quite shallow and fragile. One or other of the particpants can easily turn there backs and walk away. I think subs are particularly susceptable to being hurt in this way as they probably open themselves up more to being hurt because of their nature.
A partnership or friendship that has sharing and commitment in activities outside BDSM is more likely to flourish on firmer foundations and cultivate a more cohesive relationship, and with that respect for one another.
Having said that people on this site (and other similar ones) may be looking for other people to explore their needs with for many different reasons and may not be in the slightest bit needy for respect or anything other than satisfaction of those needs. NF NF
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| 9 Feb 10, 11:48 AM SirOpenSource UK(E), 6 yrs    |
Your thread somewhat surprises me having read: ' Above all, a respect for one another born of friendship, understanding and mutual desire to enjoy each other.' from your profile. I wonder if you could clarify this? SOS
I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. - Mahatma Gandhi Edited 9 Feb 10, 11:49 AM by SirOpenSource | |||
| 9 Feb 10, 1:19 PM epona74 UK(SL), 7 yrs |
Such a lot of very good answers, and a couple I didn't quite understand. Respect comes in many forms, and many levels. For any level of SSC play, I'd say that at the very least the two (or more) parties have the basic respect of not going too far, not pushing beyond limits, respecting safewords, and basic aftercare. That is part of respecting the dynamics of the situation, and the people within it. Deeper respect should come with greater knowledge of the individuals involved (one would hope), and their skills, mindset and abilities. As above, that goes both ways, Dom/me and sub. To me, without that at least basic respect, the situation is at high risk of being abusive, either at a physical, mental, or emotional level. Personally, I won't play with someone I don't respect quite highly, and I expect them to have an equal level of respect for me, my limits, and the way I do things (I'm not talking about the fabled topping from the bottom here, but I have certain things that must be in place for me to feel safe, and without safety, there is no play). I appreciate that others have a lower threshold than I do, but in general they'd be unlikely to play with someone whose play they KNEW to be dangerous, for example. Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. (R. Frost) | |||
| 9 Feb 10, 6:10 PM Red_Spark UK(LE), 5 yrs |
as many others have already said, yes. what matters most to me is that (a) *both* of us respect each other, and (b) my word is final. But I wouldn't expect to be able to have the judgement to make the final word unless I was also able to respect the feelings, opinions and knowledge of my sub. (and otherwise how would my decisions be able to be good for them?) "Be quiet and come with me. I won't betray you." | |||
| 10 Feb 10, 8:40 AM Outlier 2 yrs |
I simply could not be involved in a d/s relationship with a submissive I neither like nor respect. I cannot see the point. Surely a key aspect of the power dynamic is to control a person one values, cares for, and adores...this adds a greater intensity. Otherwise the whole thing is shallow and meaningless. And has been noted above, I fully agree the dominant owes his/her submissive a duty of care.
"I am from nowhere and everywhere" Karl Lagerfeld |
