Respect (54)

I couldn't be with someone I didn't respect. All the verbs you have listed are very negative in connotation. Why? There is no manipulation, but control. Unless, of course, you are talking Mind Fucks, where you make them believe something which isn't true, which is generally a scene (like saying you are going to brand, setting it up to look like it, then using ice). A Dominant doesn't have to manipulate. They state. LOL Abuse. Is that not play but very negatively phrased? Disciplined? Of course. Ignored? Discipline or Training or lack of time/interest?

Maybe you could liken it to martial arts? With a lack of respect, I suppose you would go out and beat the shit out of people in dark alleys. But if you are going to do it properly, would you not find a comparable sparring partner (ie one you respected in their ability?) Of course, there would always be those who choose inferior partners in order to feel better about their own abilities. But that is something that happens in all areas of life anyway, doesn't it? (Most of us will have met or worked with people like that!)

That being said, I do know people who say they feel they don't get taken seriously because they are submissive. IMHO, they are talking to the wrong people. Also, there are people who get off on the negative words you use....more power to them. But I don't think I could for any longer period of time, though there are one-off people I dislike that I probably would be able to do them to. LOL I suppose also, it is a fine line between love and hate. When a relationship sours, it is easy to view all through a different, more negative light, and think because someones needs weren't met, it was lack of respect.

I don't think duty of care is the same as respect. One is a responsibilty, no matter how you feel about the other. That being said, you don't need respect to play, but the duty of care should always be there.

Being a switch i fully understand just what goes in to this submission malarkey so yes people who submit to me get my complete respect.

~* Raku wa ku no tané; ku wa raku no tané. *~

I think people often make the mistake that subs will submit to anyone - I certainly made that mistake in the past. But submitting (as already mentioned) involves a high level of trust from the sub. To me, one of the most important aspects of the D/s dynamic is that the Dom/me understands and respects entirely the position that the sub is putting her/himself in. From both points of view - because if the Dom/me doesn't recognise the power of a sub handing over control how can he/she fully relish it?

I don't know if I am explaining it properly, but as I see it that's where most of the power lies. If a Dom/me has no respect for the sub then it sounds like they might not have a full understanding of exactly what the sub is offering.

Subette

Maybe I should just give up trying to correct my typos after I have posted...

You don't respect a submissive for being abused any more than you respect a dominant for being abusive. I doubt that most of our activities, viewed in isolation are inherently deserving of respect. What we respect in each other is the spirit of tolerance, understanding and acceptance that creates the symbiosis of the relationship.

If it is your nature to crave manipulating, abusing, disciplining and ignoring someone, etc. yet you can't respect them for accepting this from you, that says more about your own self-respect than anything else.

I realize that my post was written in second person - it was meant to be general and not specific to the OP or any other individual.

love the brave but avoid cowards, knowing the gratitude of cowards is small ~Praxilla of Sicyon

When I sense that, I am totally reassured, however mind- boggling the actual surface activity might appear to be. If its two souls getting naked together and being accepting of one another, cool.

If its somebody seeking anihilation of their spirit, rahter than upliftment of their spirit, and someone finding a way of justifying their hatred of others, then thats not cool.

I'm sure, regrettably, that there ARE abusive relationships in the BDSM world just as surely as there are abusive relationships in the 'nilla realm.

There is also great love and respect of personhood, undreamed-of acceptance and wonderful acts of co-operation between people.

But really, simply - love and respect (and hated and abuse) Know no boundaries, they are to be found in all relationships, and are often the measure of them.

Beautifully put.

Maybe I should just give up trying to correct my typos after I have posted...

Can you explain how the two things are mutually exclusive? My problem with the OP is that it seems to assume this is the case, and for that reason is intrinsically flawed. I doubt you'll get one person here saying yes, yes, I don't respect any subs - just for the reasons you site...

For arguments sake though, it's not like *any* Dom could walk up to me and treat me like that (well not unless they wanted some severe pain themselves). All of these things you mentioned can only be "done" to a sub when you have their consent. If you don't respect them enough initially to gain that consent, then it's abuse.

XxX

As a sub would have no respect for any Doms who abused, ignored or treated me in any way that was not respectfull.

Edited 7 Feb 10, 12:56 PM by Arwen

Answer this question with a question....could a Dominant have respect for themselves if they manipulated , abused , disciplined and ignored another submissive and individual ? Knowing that they do so without any respect for them as a person , knowing they do so without care and knowing they do so without love?..

What does that say about that person who manipulated , abused , disciplined ignored and disrespected another person..? The definition is simple...

Abuser manipulates , abuse , disciplines and ignores a victim

Dominants guide, advise , care, and build self respect , discipline and chastise , develop with exploration of intense sensory stimulation, delve and make fantasy reality , allow for self exploration whilst assuring a submissive of their worth , build a trusting bond that gives strength to live out desires......but ALWAYS they respect them as a individual

IMO ....fck

submission is permission to be yourself without judgment