Ex-Military people doing BDSM (92)

Not from a BDSM perspective, but my partner is in the TA, and many of them have done tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. I've seen the effects PTSS first hand, and it's not pretty.

I'm completely with you on what you've said. More counselling and care needs to be directed at these guys.

www.thedivinemissp.co.uk

I disagree.

On my first Herrick tour the counselling I got was absolutely superb and I wouldn't have any hesitation in saying it helped me get through it and the resources are still there to help me even this many years down the line.

Now as I deploy for the third time, we are being given pre-counselling (My word for it, I don't know what else to call it) for PTSD, how to deal with it, how to recognise it it in yourself and others and how to get help and help others.

Not very long ago, the army finally realized that the best outlet for problems that a squaddie has is his mates. When your in the army, and especially when on tour, your mates are your life. You share things with them, bitch about them, with them, to them, help each other out and do things with them in ways you might not do as a civilian. To that end, the army realized the best outlet a squaddie has who is suffering from PTSD or similar is talking to his mates.

To that end the army took on board the TRiM (Trauma Risk Management) system not long ago, and began training soldiers who where about to deploy as TRiM practitioners so that when someone begins to display the signs, his friends can react all the more quickly. The usual aim to is to have at least two TRiM trained soldiers within a section of men.

The army does what it can but the problem here is that soldiers themselves tend to scoff at the idea of there being something wrong with them "Up there", so many simply do not take the support that is offered to them. I know this was certainly the case with me until an unfortunate event in a shopping centre made me finally decide it was time to get help. Sadly this will always be the case but the army is doing what it can with education and early recognition of symptoms.

Now. I'm not an expert on PTSD, so what i'm about to say should be accepted as how I view my attraction to BDSM. OK? Right moving on.

When you've worked with a group of people for a long time often in high risk situations, where they look to you for direction and snap decisions, you either develop a taste for it or you grow to dread it. There is no in between.

Now take that group of people, whom you drink with, work with (and if you are single, live with)and move them somewhere where the locals spit at them, try to kill them, snub them, turn thier back on them and generally make life as unpleasant as possible for the people who are closer to you than your own skin. It doesn't matter that before you arrived the locals were killing each other and begging for outside intervention. All that matters is you are now the common enemy of both sides (or more sides, politics gets way to complex in some places).

It doesnt help that when you come home on leave, you are reviled by people living in your home town. Anyone remember the story of the british soldier lying in hospital (cant remember where, probably birmingham or bradford) being spat at in his bed by muslim workers and visitors to other patients?. Thats not an isolated incident.

For months you are working in a toxic environment of hate, fear, loyalty, high risk decision making, and conflicting orders, regulations and goals.

You change.

You start looking for black and white solutions even though you know none can be found. You start to hate the very people who depend on you, because they depend on you for the right answers and decisions ALL the BLOODY time, even when you are no longer certain what the right answers and decisions are. You start to feel guilty. You think that you are letting everyone down. You grow callous towards outsiders who have no inkling about what you and your unit are going through. You become insular, drawing away from outsiders, spending more time alone from your squad mates and more distant from those you love at home. You cant help it and the fact that you cant makes you feel even more seperate from those around you and even more desperate for an out.

Little things start to set you off.

A mate asking you whether he should marry his girl, or bin her for the double jointed circus performer he met last week.

Your boss telling you to avoid intimidating the locals and to keep a low profile whilst doing house to house searches (I shit you not, ive had that conversation). I mean how annoyed would your street be if they were turfed out at 4am so that a bunch of heavily armed strangers could rifle through thier wives underwear drawer?

Evn the wife/girlfriend/dsignificant other asking you what you want for dinner.

So. If you manage to keep it all together what does the army do? It promotes you to an even greater level of responsibility and gives you even more little bundles of joy to look after.

If you can manage to keep it together for the full contractual term of 22 years you may even be offered a single 2 year extension, at the end of which you get to retire.

Take a heroin addict, lock him in a room and take away his drug. Thats how it feels when you go from 100mph to zero overnight. Thats how it feels when you go from being in charge of every decision to your most important decision being what to have for breakfast or even to bother getting out of bed.

What the hell are you talking about? You've not mentioned BDSM at all!!!!

Right.

You've been in uniform most of your adult life. You feel comfortable around uniforms. At its most basic level a uniform is merely a device to identify someones function. Leather dress, high heels, whip ..... decision maker. Collar ........ non decision maker. Simple. A binary solution set.

You feel worthless and guilty and mad and sad and a whole raft of other conflicting emotions, that you cant put into words and even if you could, those around you having no similar life experience could not even begin to understand. The very fact that you cant explain makes you feel even more worthless. You are desperate to find someone or some situation where you can...just...let...go.

BDSM for me is a total surrender of my being. I am no longer in charge, someone else is making all the decisions. They will do with me as they wish, whatever they desire. Nothing is my fault or my responsibility, nothing requires thought on my part. I can just drift in a haze of pain, love and desire. You have the structure of the military that you are used to (decision maker, follower) with an identification system you can follow (whip = decision maker, chains and collar = follower)

You deserve the pain because you are worthless and guilty of too many transgressions to be recorded. No punishment is too severe. Its soul cleansing, something a good catholic would understand after visiting the confessional. You feel valued as well (see? to many contradictions) because someone views you as worthy of thier attention, and has taken the time to plan out a scene in which they can use you to satisfy thier own cravings and desires. Sex is a powerful behaviour modification tool in its own right. Just ask any married man.

After a scene, I sit in my chair (albeit very very gingerly) and feel calm, quiet, at peace and forgiven.

Ive tried to explain to the best of my abilities what I feel. Hopefully it came across.

Happiness lies neither in vice nor in virtue; but in the manner we appreciate the one and the other, and the choice we make pursuant to our individual organization.

I too am ex Army, 19 years and a lovely certificate on the wall all signed by an MP!

Ex Cav so that is where my passion for tight trousers, boots and spurs came from! Don't mention those little whips.

Played a bit whilst in but mainly came across the swinging scene rather than BDSM. But plenty of that around whilst serving in Europe and other places.

Have been fortunate not to suffer PTSD but have had some black experiences which are there hidden away. PTSD play does not appear on my wish list but interrogation does. I enjoyed the buzz of people addressing me as Sir and standing to attention when I walked in the room. Was not a drill man, infantryman or anything else that involved raising my voice so prefer to command in other ways. Still have the uniform fetish, love to see someone in a nice fitting uniform.

One thing I will mention is controlled aggression, anyone remember that expression? The sudden need to go from 0 to 60 in 1 Sec? So I believe we (military) have that in us but do not necessarily use it in this wonderful world. I imagine those stills serving have other outlets to vent anger than to beat a poor play mate. OK I hope they have other outlets. Anger tends to come out with Alcohol, I think the incident in the canaries may prove that. Military get tagged as Violent drunks, press love that one. But how many “civvies” fight every week due to being drunk? Not just a military thing, its an alcohol thing.

Hopefully those still serving and playing in this world avoid the alcohol, need to be safe and look after our play mates. Alcohol a no no in my books

Anyway here endeth this Hobits ramblings for now!

From this time forward, you will service us

Amen brother....

Particularly the bit about controlled agression and alcohol. Cant mix anger/alcohol and playing. We have it as one of the rules in the relationship that I will never punish and or play when angry.

"The art of being a Gentleman is knowing when not to be" Quote:TheSilverFox - Circa 1986

Flavoured water 2 for £1.50 in tesco's! How military is that!

But yes no alcohol play policy always in force.

Edit to add "part of my rules of Engagement"

From this time forward, you will service us

Edited 9 Feb 10, 9:08 PM by FwodoBagins