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| Elysium |
on Thu 4 Feb 10, 6:11 PM to Elysium's blog.
This is going to be an angsty and emo post. If that stuff doeesn't float your boat, or you feel like making me feel worse. Please, don't even bother reading this. I'm writing this for catharsis and to help put my feelings in context.
Two days ago my ex-girlfriend and I agreed it was best that we break up. We've been together for about 26 months. It's all very amicable. We know we're not right for each other. There was no grand epiphany, no grand fall out, no malice, the romantic relationship just.....died. In the end, it turns out a person who I thought was a great match for me, we agree on nearly absolutely everything, is not right in some fundamental way. I don't think I can even explain it. I know it, I feel it. I just can't for the life of me name it. I'm confused and greiving, and none of my friends can help, or understand. I barely understand it myself. The passion, it died. I'm disappointed in myself, I'm low, yet I accept it. I know, in my head it's the right thing to do for both of us. Yet, I feel absolutely shitty about it.
I've been through terrible and acrimonious break ups, both as the inflicting party and non(though mostly amicable ones). In some ways it's preferable to this, you're too angry and dismissive about the relationship to mourn it. It's easier when there is someone to blame. Sure, this time around we both could have done things differently. Yet, that wouldn't have been who we are as individuals.
I know this will pass. I've learnt more about myself as a consequence, and the good times more than make up for this pain. I'm the kind of person that needs pain to grow. If I'm not hurting from my mistakes, I've learned nothing. I can draw a lot of lessons from the experience.
I just wish my heart would hurry up and catch up with my brain. I've known it was over for a long time. I just never admitted it to myself.
| 4 Feb 10, 6:21 PM stormywaters PT, 4 yrs |
Well, I sure wish I had had your emotional self awareness at 25. You will make a wonderful man for some lucky woman one day. My object all sublime... | |
| 4 Feb 10, 6:27 PM Wings_of_a_Butterfly 2 yrs |
I think you were both brave and realisitic. You have been fair to eachother and giving the other an opportunity to find the person who is your fit.
Of course you will be sad. Your best friend for 26 months who you happened to have an intimate relationship wont be there in the same way they have been for the last while. The dynamic has changed. Luckily with it being amicable and when all the healing is done you will be able to look back with fondness.
You stopped it before it got too far and one of you could end up hurting the other.
I commend you both on your honesty and obvious love and respect for eachother. They say time heals all wounds its just really crap that it can take so long some times.
**In life, as in dreams. NOTHING is quiet as it seems** - Book of Counted Sorrows | |
| 4 Feb 10, 6:38 PM SarahSoo UK, 3 yrs |
It seems crazy but it can be a lot harder to break up without any ill feeling. When you've been wronged, it makes you angry and the anger drives you on. Stick with it and it will get better in time. The grieving bit after a relationship finishes is hard but you were right to end it if things weren't working. There are great things ahead for you both and hopefully you will be able to stay on good terms. | |
| 4 Feb 10, 6:40 PM Crystal_Eyes UK, 5 yrs   |
It's almost worse when a break-up isn't acrimonious. At least when it is, you can mould your hurt into anger and so get over the pain a little faster. When it's just the right decision, made by you both and for you both for the best, it's really, really hard. But, it does pass, and relationships that end like this are more likely to produce a friendship that will be there for years and years to come. Inbox open if you need an ear - been there and it fails really hard. Thinking of you both. x ------------------------------------------ | |
| 4 Feb 10, 8:22 PM firemynx_B UK(B), 11 yrs  |
Sometimes doing the right thing, is also the hardest thing. Just because the passion has gone, and the relationship as it stood, does not mean you have to lose the friendship. I can speak personally when I say that friendships can exist after a break up. Good luck with the heart healing stuff. "Dear Santa ........ I can explain!" | |
| 4 Feb 10, 8:24 PM tony999 UK, 5 yrs |
There's knowing, and then there's KNOWING. After two days, it's just knowing. The heart will of course lag behind the brain for a while. It needs to so let it. You're gonna be ok. Wish you well mate. Tony Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. | |
| 4 Feb 10, 9:10 PM Elysium UK(EH), 5 yrs |
Thanks for all the kind words everyone. I'm sure we will remain great friends. "I can't wait to taste your face". | |
| 5 Feb 10, 11:16 PM tiggerGlasgow UK(EH), 6 yrs |
Well trouble, I'm sure it'll all pan out in the end, what none of us can be sure of is exactly how it will pan out. If you need anything, hugs, a drinking buddy, let me know. "A life without pain has no meaning" Athrur Schopenhauer |
