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Cheek vs disrespect (39)

This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.

subette wrote:

yareli wrote:
As for how cheeky is distinguished from stroppy: It is what he says it is. It isn't always the same and there aren't hard and fast rules. He's the Dom innit?

No, it is supposed to be an enjoyable extension of a happy relationship. Sometimes that includes messing about and taking the consequences as part of the fun.

"I am just about at the end of my rope with you."
"Well, then why don't you tie a noose and slip it around your neck?"

4 Feb 10, 9:48 PM
selene_348
UK(GU), 2 yrs

If anyone finds the definitive answer to this, let me know!

I have by nature a fairly sardonic response mechanism - if a member of my family makes a mistake; mispronounces something or buggers something up then the rest of us take the piss.

I do this to a lesser extent at work, but at the beginning of our relationship found myself holding this side of me back from MJ. A lesson learnt from being burned in the past by vanilla boyfriends.

I am a stickler for spelling errors, and I have a relatively large vocabulary - a result of voracious reading from a young age. When a spelling error, however minor, is made, whoever it may be made by, my instinct is to take the mickey. I'm in trouble at the moment, due to a swift-typing mishap with 'vein' and 'vain' and my insistence on enquiring about the state of blood vessels every few days. Because clearly I am a glutton for punishment (literally!).

My point is that (I hope) I see this as good natured, playful cheek, which is the spirit in which it is received; I am in trouble, but it's more for my *constant* poking fun than the original observation. But good natured trouble.

I hope....

4 Feb 10, 10:32 PM
x_Pan_x
UK(E), 8 yrs

Cheeky has a twinkle in the eye, and can be warm and fun.

Disrespect doesn't and isn't.

A certain level of cheekiness is fun, as long as she catches the cues from me if she's going too far, as a direct spanking in Tesco will often offend

I won't tolerate disrespect in any form or any situation.

Malbon wrote:
Cheek vs disrespect

Cheek I enjoy greatly, I think it's all part of the fun of a well-balanced DS rel, and a sign of a girl who is spirited and happy - the way I want her.

Disrespect I don't allow.

Sometimes it can be hard to distinguish the one from the other and seeing where that line is can be tricky.

For me I guess it is just my instinct, my response. If I'm not happy about it then de facto it's disrespect and must be dealt with. But do I then run the risk of being inconsistent?

How do you distinguish them?

Just remember, when you think you're free - the crack inside your fucking heart is me.
In Syberia - a Blog

Edited 4 Feb 10, 10:33 PM by x_Pan_x

4 Feb 10, 10:37 PM
Red_Spark
UK(LE), 5 yrs

In my view, cheek is usually meant to be funny, whereas disrespect is the result of anger, frustration or pissedoffness on the part of the sub. Disrespect is either aimed to hurt, or a result of lack of self-control - neither of which is acceptable as far as I'm concerned.

"Be quiet and come with me. I won't betray you."

4 Feb 10, 11:09 PM
BadWulf
UK(TA), 6 yrs

Thats a bit cheeky!

Red_Nic wrote:
Generally, I'd call something disrespect if it continued after the Dom gave a clear indication that he wanted it to stop or didn't like it. Or if it's deliberately aimed to hurt. Cheek is generally amusing and if it didn't appear to be going down as such I'd stop, it's very much about reading the situation and appropriate timing.

Sometimes I seem to end up being called cheeky by Doms when in reality I'm not being at all, in fact sometimes it feels as if anything I say will be called cheeky. Again, all about perception.

My, what sharp teeth I have.

4 Feb 10, 11:16 PM
Red_Nic
UK(B), 3 yrs

BadWulf wrote:
Thats a bit cheeky!

Sometimes I seem to end up being called cheeky by Doms when in reality I'm not being at all, in fact sometimes it feels as if anything I say will be called cheeky. Again, all about perception.

7 Feb 10, 11:00 PM
Adomination
UK(M), 2 yrs

I think it can vary from day to day depending on the moods of those involved. Of course blatant disrespect is a complete no no, but isn't it the cheeky, brat like goading and consequent exertion of will that makes it all so much fun

A x

7 Feb 10, 11:43 PM
semper_fidelis1
UK(RG), 2 yrs

I love being cheeky as it is part who I am and I would not be myself if I tried to calm it down. As to being disrespectful, I have been in the past on more then one occasion. At this point I have to say that I almost instantly knew when I crossed the line and apologised accordingly and with full sincerity.

There has been one or two occasions when I was disrespectful but chose not to apologise for the simple reason that in my book a Dom/Master has to earn his respect with me first, as I with him of course. But taking liberties with someone you do not know and expecting them to bow down to you because 'you say' you are a Dom/Master is a lunatic notion.

Maybe that makes me a bad sub in some peoples eyes, but in mine it makes me a sub with a choice and her eyes wide open.

7 Feb 10, 11:56 PM
KinkyRoly
UK(OX), 3 yrs

waking_dream wrote:
Maybe that makes me a bad sub in some peoples eyes, but in mine it makes me a sub with a choice and her eyes wide open.

Not at all a bad sub, even if that's what some others might suggest. As far as I'm concerned, a bad sub is one who submits to just anybody indiscriminately. My ideal sub is more selective and only only submits when it is earned. Otherwise the submission is devalued.

Cheekiness is fun and fun is a vital element for me. A doormat would never be able to engage in the sort of banter that makes things so much more enjoyable, but some people are attracted to doormats. Chacun � son go�t

I would never encourage anybody to try and please other people in general. They will inevitably have different values to you. Be true to yourself and to those who are important to you.

Edited 8 Feb 10, 1:20 AM by KinkyRoly