When did you realise your fetish? (32)

Would a vanilla girl travel to London on her own aged 16, seek out a sex shop, buy a vibrator and then wank herself off with it in the toilets of a fast food joint before she got the train back home?????

Jees - the more I think about it the more I 'realise' how much of a perv I am...

Subette

Maybe I should just give up trying to correct my typos after I have posted...

"I am from nowhere and everywhere" Karl Lagerfeld

Edited 4 Feb 10, 3:14 PM by Outlier

I met a lifestyle domme at 21 and had my first whipping at the time.

I've always had one foot in the vanilla camp so in terms of play I haven't had a huge amount over the years but enough to know what I like

'Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather' - Velvet Underground

daddy loves his lil girl

Edited 4 Feb 10, 3:30 PM by Topthoughts

I have distinct memories of tying my action men up when i was about 8 or 9.. I remember tying my brother to a washing post, and taking a great deal of satisfaction from watching him struggle, and id tease him as he did..

At the time, i was just called a cruel kid, a bully, but this wasnt really true.. I had no malice in me. I didnt do it to be cruel. I did it because i enjoyed it, and the power trip it gave me.

As i got in to my early teens, i remember lots of little things that made me feel uncomfortable, like there was something wrong with me. I mentioned tying somebody up to a friend, and they looked at me like id just admitted to being a mass murderer. So i kept my mouth shut, believeing that there really was something wrong with me and the desires i had.

Without sounding ancient (im 36) the internet really was in its infancy and it was impossible to try and research how i was feeling or anything that i liked. I didnt even realise it had a name.

I couldnt watch fetishy content on tv, there was no youtube, and there were no fetish type books in the local library, belive me, i looked....lol

Now, for the first time ever, I am thoroughly going to embarass myself now by telling you about my FIRST ever time i tried to act out a fetish fantasy..

Now brace yourselves, this ran far smoother in my head than it panned out...

I was 15, and i had invited my very first real girlfriend back to my house. We were in my room, having a giggle, kissing etc.. I have always been one for planning, i have a meticulous mind, so it was no coincidence that i had a pair of handcuffs under my pillow..

By this point, i was the proverbial duck on the pond.. They look lovely and controlled on the surface, graceful almost, but look beneath the surface, and they are paddling away furiously.. That was me...

I took a breath, pulled out the cuffs, and with a smile said "want to play a game?"

To my total shock, and almost disbelief, she said yes... I think i went completely blank for about 5 seconds..

Now, this is where the problems started..

I was SO SO thrilled to be doing this, that whilst i was cuffing her hands to the headboard of my bed, the idea of putting the key somewhere safe for later totally skipped my mind..

We had a litte play around, i was clumsey, but tried my best to do things that id thought about for so long, and after a little while, she smiled and said, "you can take them off now"...

Er... where did i... has to be... but i left it... SHIT.... The key was nowhere in sight.

With total clarity, i can remember the smile on her face fading and being replaced by a look of horror and fear.

I hunted for about 20 mins whilst she got more and more angry.. I tried using a screwdriver, a bent hairpin, a coat hanger, everything i could get my hands on. At one point she said "im counting to 10, and if you havent found it, im shouting your dad to cut me free".

I was flapping bigtime.

Now comes some good, and bad news....

Good news first, i found the key, and she went home.

Bad news, i was henceforth labeled as the local pervert ensuring i didnt have a girlfried for some time, and made the concious decision to NEVER explore those desires again.

It wasnt till FIVE years later, whilst at work, that i discovered something amazing..

I went to my boss to tell him something. Now, we were on great terms, went out drinking and everything. He wasnt in his office, so, i sat in his chair and waited for him to come back.

Thats when i saw it.. A fetish magazine.

I was so engrossed in what i had found, i didnt see my boss come back in to his office.. I must have looked like a 13yr old trying to his his dirty mag after being walked in on by his parents..

He could see i was totally embarassed, but he was really cool about it. We talked about the content, and i told him i thought there was something wrong with me for liking that stuff. He laughed like crazy.. Thats when he told me, that not only is it perfectly acceptable to like those things, BUT there are women who liked that stuff too..

Was a total revelation... I dont want to sound like im hyping it up, but was almost like id been set free.. All the things i had kept hidden for so long, i didnt have to keep hidden anymore. All my fears and self doubt, it all went away, i wasnt a freak, i was unique..

As it turned out, my boss, and friend, was to teach me a hell of a lot. He became almost a mentor, and i learned so so so much from him over the next few years..

Sadly, he died about 5 years ago, but he was inspirational to me.. He always had time to answer my questions, and no question was ever too dumb.

He showed me that its ok to be who you are, and not to be ashamed of it. To embrace your kink, whatever it may be, and to be true to yourself.

Well readers, thats a condensed version of my self realisation and my introduction to all things fetishy..

I hope it made you smile

Edited 4 Feb 10, 11:45 PM by Enigma73

There was one magazine, not particularly hard core but there was one photoset in there that really had a major impact on me.

It was black and white photoset of a woman wearing a leather corset,leather panties and thigh length boots. She held a lead in one hand, the chain leading to a male in a collar on his hands and knees crawling after her.

In one photograph she was pulling his face to her crotch.

There was no nudity in any of the photographs, just very stylish and well taken photographs.

It was like a lightbulb going on in my mind, asif years of ideas that had nothing to form around suddenly all made sense.

I knew in that one moment that I wanted to be that man, I wanted to be the one being led around on a collar and leash.

From there, it was quite a natural progression that when the opportunity came to turn the fantasy into reality that I jumped at the chance and found out that the reality was even better.

"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One." - Seth (City of Angels)

Edited 4 Feb 10, 7:10 PM by Scribbles

Its rather odd actually ..as a child i didnt realise ..but i did notice certain cartoons would make me very intrested .. like in Zelda ..the princess was taken by a baddie and she was mummified in spider silk wriggling on the floor and dragged away .

I used to tie my barbies up and pretend they had been kidnapped by a evil prince and held in a dungeon ..i especially liked playing this when i was aloone in a bubble bath ..i would push all the bubbles to the end of the bath like a huge mound and make a tunnel which was the princes lair . Barbie would be rescued but only after she had tried to escape and fail a few times

I remember as a child being rather intrested in playing capture games . At 8 years old i would stay at a friends house..me and her would dress up as cats , drink milk from a bowl , crawl on the floor and her sister would be the cat catcher ..the sister would chase us and put us in a cage (wardrobe) with a collar and leash ( belt straps)

I used to try and get people to play a form of tag where you would tag someone and take them back to a prison ..and i would try and escape i found this thrilling . I remember one girl chasing me and she grabbed me i screamed out of shock and she clamped her hand over my mouth with a leather glove , that sensation and smell of leather i have never forgotton and to this day .. i adore the smell of leather

But the most ironic thing of all was that it was my mother !!!! (gasp) she sat my best friend and i down at 13 years old and said " girls i am going to show you a film about the perversity of men , women would never think up these things .." ..she put on "Personal Services" with Julie Walters and i remember being wide eyed and finally having a name and a image to what i found exciting ..internet was very new and i secretly started going on late at night and looking for this think called "s/m"

- How did you pop your fetish cherry?

I guess it has to be solo Bondage after watching that film "personal Services" i found images on the internet and was not content anymore just looking . Using scarves and leather bag straps i began tying myself up and had my first ever orgasm at 13 years old...i guess i was hooked !! I didnt know any other way of making myself orgasm.. most touch themselves when they begin masturbating.. but i began with solo bondage

However if we want to say popping bdsm cherry with someone ...that would have to be 15 with my 18 year old boyfriend . We watched pulp fiction and both got a little horny ..I was still a virgin but did foreplay and he handcuffed me to the bed and put a ball in my mouth and finger fucked me to the point o orgasm where i ejaculated for the first time. We both didnt know what had happened , he freaked thinking i had pissed the bed , but when he was out of the room i touched and smelt it ...it was definaty NOT urine !

At 18 years i had the most awful scary experience when i didnt know a thing about safety and a 59 year old man told me no one would play with me unless i was trained and he would offer bdsm training with no sexual contact ...lets just say it was a horrible experience and one that could have stopped me doing bdsm for life.. but i refused to let this one man stop me !! I was stupid little girl but i am still doing bdsm nearly 10 years later !!

- How did this make you feel?

I guess i always manipulated every sexual experience to involve some kink .I would fight a boyfriend and scratch them so they would hold me down . I remember noting how different it felt when it was as i know now "vanilla" play compared to when i would get them to cover my mouth or hold me down. It was thrilling , exciting and made me so horny and needy . It seemed that nothing compared to being tied to the bed ..mild in comparison to todays play ..I actually feel bad for those boys i manipulated into holding me down , tie and gag me ...they were so young !!

- If you've got any interesting anecdotes, now is the time to tell the world!

I had a few accidents with solo bondage ...I created a form of a catholic guilt pony ( wood plank between legs) and handcuffed my hands above my head , straddled the wood and let the fun begin.. but mid orgasm i dropped the key ...imagine the nightmare ..my door was locked and i couldnt call my mother . So for over a hour i tried to pick up the key with my discomfort and contorting finally freeing myself ! ...i didnt use cuffs after that in solo play

submission is permission to be yourself without judgment

I had to research the word 'fetish' before posting on this because of the word you had specifically chosen. I've always seen a 'fetish' as a particular thing that arouses someone which you wouldn't expect to do so....such as shoes, urinating on people, being hurt, teddy bears and alike.

When I saw this question, I was originally going to talk about when I realised what the term BDSM meant and how it fitted in with me and then my first experience of BDSM - my "fetish cherry" as it were.

However, I felt this would be inaccurately answering your questions. So then I decided to actually talk about my distinct fetish which I have.

It's not Biastophilia because that fetish is about committing rape. Mine is the inverse. I would say I have a rape fetish on the receiving end. I fantasise about it almost daily. I like to read and write rape erotica. I like to watch films with rape scenes in, sometimes solely for those scenes.

Therefore I would say my fetish is rape.

I never particularly "realised" I had a rape fetish. It was just part of my sexuality as I grew up. When I first started to fantasise about sex as a young pre-pubescent girl, I always imagined myself being raped.

I have not popped this particular fetish-cherry and have unfulfilled my fantasies of being raped. I have been close to playrape but not quite attained a proper, serious scenario. I might never do it; I have no idea of what the psychological repercussions might be.

I feel that if I were to be raped, I would find the experience traumatic but I would fantasise about it for the rest of my life, regularly wanking and orgasming over it. This is hypothetical of course but rape is a massive part of my sexuality and the absolutely singular main thing that turns me on. I see/hear/read the word and I become aroused.

It is truly a deeply engrained fetish of mine.

It's also very very closely linked to my masochistic side. Masochism is also listed as a fetish. I could also tell you that I first realised I was masochistic when I was sixteen and found out what the word meant. It fitted in with my fantasies and what I thought I might like. Then at seventeen, that fetish cherry was popped by my first spanking. From that day forward, I decided I was officially and properly a masochist. Before then when I'd been hurting myself (pegs on nipples, toothpaste on genitals etc) I didn't really count it because I was doing it to myself. It was like masochistic masturbation. So, yeah, realised at sixteen and popped my cherry at seventeen. It felt amazing, fulfilling and wonderful. It was the start of a long and fruitful masochistic journey to where I am today.

Hope this helps Helen

xX Goldie Xx

Never drive faster than your angels can fly