Adverse_Camber's profile . Adverse_Camber's homepage
 |
| Adverse_Camber |
on Mon 1 Feb 10, 9:18 PM to Adverse_Camber's blog.
this time last year. I was enthralled...snow like I'd never seen before, dancing, swirling flakes that made me prance...
That night I met two people who began a chain of events...one of whom is still very much in my life and makes me smile at the joy of purity; and one who contents themselves with snide blogs and "secret" memos in an attempt to influence my life - unsuccessfully. My mantra, which really works for me, is that what I let affect me hurts me first and most...so *mostly* I can sail through, content in my own knowledge.
Knowledge of what? Well it's been a whirlwind...a lightning journey in one short year from being just a tad kinky and erm...slightly rampant...to being taught masochism and practicing slavery; to letting go of the little girl and being shown the woman; to being irrevocably aroused into sadism and attempting a foray into Mistress territory...To discovering..ah, what a surprise...I really am a bit of everything.
It's been about acceptance...accepting that sometimes I will be misinterpreted, sometimes people will utilise me for their own needs, sometimes I will get it very, very wrong...Accepting that I do not entirely fit, even here in our land of loons, but that that's ok...
And you know what? It really is ok...I have cried more this last year than I have in the last 20...but that's because I am awake, alive and learning every single day. I FEEL...those of you who have experienced long-term numbness will know what I mean.
I have hurt and been hurt; I have trusted and been betrayed; I have loved, lost, regained; I am alive.
I can count on one hand the people who have understood, the ones who have seen right through me and loved me for it...the ones I know will love me for all my many, many facets and who do, and will continue to, help me to put all those fractured pieces back together...enable me to give back what I have been given in beautiful abundance.
So, swirly snow, thank you for that meeting a year ago...it brought me here...
and it brought me you...
and at the end of a very long journey, you.
It all kinda makes sense now...Damn, I'm so lucky! 
Thank you both...just thank you. XXX
| 1 Feb 10, 10:35 PM Iphis_me UK(E), 4 yrs |
I too have been thinking over the last year. A year of dizzying highs and horrible lows. You know what? I regret none of it - even the bad parts have taught me useful lessons, taught me more about ME.
I can't regret it anyway, because without all of the last year I wouldn't have you in my life - and I'm glad you are xxx "The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates | ||
| 1 Feb 10, 10:44 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
No regrets...they don't work... Me happy too! xxx
"I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." | ||
| 1 Feb 10, 11:46 PM Grownup_Frankie UK, 4 yrs |
If life didn't teach us things...*shrugs*...we'd know nothing! I've seen you both grow over this last year, even from a distance. You have both survived the changing seasons. You have both grown stronger and wiser. Bit its not been a matter of growing a thicker skin, or becoming immune to hurt - you have just grown more capacity to love. Love always starts with oneself, I feel. Wise love, that is. There is a rune, the Thorn rune, which symbolises inner authority - inner knowledge, which protects us well... If you think of a thorn, it doesn't do anything, just sits there on the stem of a plant, part of the plant - its not a weapon, and does not attack anything. But if something comes along and tries to eat the plant, the thorn soon makes it think twice and move on.
| ||
| 2 Feb 10, 4:36 PM stormywaters PT, 4 yrs |
Oh Frankie I do love you, well I love this whole thread actually. I think you are so brave posting like that AC. Not sure I ever could, and it's funny you can always tell when it is honest and when it isn't so honest. But I read the thorns bit and I just laughed. I don't know why, I just love all your wisdom Frankie, I think I am laughing at me really. I mean I don't understand a word and it doesn't seem to matter. Well maybe a little bit. What do you mean about the thorn? Or if that is like asking someone to explain a joke well maybe I will come back and read it tomorrow and I will get further with it. My object all sublime... | ||
| 2 Feb 10, 6:17 PM Grownup_Frankie UK, 4 yrs |
The thorn is part of the plant. It is passive, not agressive, just...part of the plant, like a leaf or a flower - AS MUCH a part of the plant - innately belonging to it. It defends the plant, but only if the plant is attacked. It is not innately agressive. Just as one's inner knowledge - that sense of 'inner authority' (knowing what you are, or at least who you are NOT, knowing what is good for you and what is harmful) can be called upon to defend you/guide you. ...you have to pick up a weapon; a sword, gun, etc. Even a shield you have to pick up; like there is 'knowledge' you can 'get' from a book, but the knowledge you carry round with you all the time, in your heart, is the best...the most reliable...kind of knowledge. So endeth the botany lesson. Edited 2 Feb 10, 6:37 PM by Grownup_Frankie | ||
| 2 Feb 10, 6:46 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
I love the bit about the thorn and I understood straight away, because it puts so succintly just what I was trying to say...thank you oh botanical one...
And Stormy, I have to admit that this year on IC has made it harder and harder for me to post what I feel...but heart in mouth, sometimes I just need to say what I need to say and that's that!
"I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." | ||
| 2 Feb 10, 8:51 PM stormywaters PT, 4 yrs |
Ok thank you Frankie, yes that makes sense now. Hmm, just another little thought. I suppose that ties in with the latin derivation of education as 'ex duco', leading out of yourself. I had never understood that before either. Ooo I feel all wise now. My object all sublime... | ||
| 5 Feb 10, 12:28 AM silver_lotus UK(CB), 3 yrs |
What a lovely, moving, and positive blog! Its wonderful when you can look back and get things into some sort of perspective, and realise not how far you have to go or how hard the road might be ahead, but how far you've come, and how much you've gained from everyone you've known along the way, and be really happy you've had the courage to do all this. I know each of my 'close encounters' this year has been formative for me, some wonderfully so, some just briefly, some very deeply, but I have shared some wonderful experiences and been given some surprising gifts which I will treasure for ever.
I wish you love and happiness, and more wonderful experiences, including snow 'To Oblivion, and beyond!' |
