Posted by little_temptress on Sat 30 Jan 10, 7:58 PM to the_girly_couch's blog.
I don't think this is a rant but it could end up being one. I am becoming fairly disillusioned in relationships with Doms.
In the beginning they start out all very keen, I suppose when they are on the chase. They text and generally keep in contact frequently. Not in an over 'the top' way just enough to start building a relationship. After you meet and agree to start a relationship as Dom and sub, well the contact becomes less frequent.
Now I appreciate that I am married and the Dom I am seeing is married (but in open relationship) and is a busy business man but now I am lucky if I get a text every couple of days.
My last D/s relationship was exactly the same but for some reason I put up with it far too long, this time I think I am at the stage of saying 'move along the bus and sit next to someone else' because I really can't be arsed, yes turning into a rant, I know!
I am wondering if it is because I have picked Doms with no network (not deliberately) or do I give myself too quickly and should prolong the chase <raises hands>
Have others had the same experience? Any advice welcome 
| 30 Jan 10, 8:46 PM kinky_kitty UK(LE), 5 yrs  |
I can totally sympathise with this - I have major issues with being in contact with boyfriends regularly, and don't really agree with game playing, or "the chase" and people should just be themselves from the off. I'll be interested to read other people's views on this as I sometimes feel that I "give it up" too easily. X "Tell me something that'll change me, I'm gonna love you with my hands tied. Show me your teeth." | |
| 30 Jan 10, 8:51 PM Iphis_me UK(E), 4 yrs  |
I don't do game playing either......have had a conversation very much along these lines this evening. I tend to think, if I'm up front and open and the other party doesn't match it, then it's better to know that sooner rather than later. Then I can cut my losses. Bottom line is, if your expectations are so radically different that you feel seriously dissatisfied so early in a relationship - it's probably not the right relationship to be in. JMO of course. Disclaimer: nothing is perfect, ever. It's always a compromise, the question is simply whether it's the right compromise for you. No-one else can decide that except you. Sounds simple, really isn't! Edited for a "you're/your" error - most embarrassing! "The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates Edited 30 Jan 10, 8:52 PM by Iphis_me | |
| 31 Jan 10, 5:40 AM River_Deep UK, 6 yrs |
If something is not right then WALK! Sound a bit severe? Maybe so, but experience has now taught me that trying to change the way someone is permanently is impossible. If someone is not into keeping contact then they will be able to do it for a short while, but will slip back into their comfort zone. I have to say I do not have problems in contact, but that is because I know why they do not contact me if it is intermittent. Anything else is a no no, unless it is negotiated. RD xx It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do it | |
| 31 Jan 10, 9:31 AM little_temptress 4 yrs |
I agree with that comment. If I am honest I am not that bothered that he isn't keeping in contact so I don't really think I am that interested. It won't be that difficult to walk away this time. I don't really really feel we are on the same wavelength but I was going to wait until we met again to make up my mind. I was just interested in knowing if other ladies had the same experience. Oh well back to the drawing board then <grins> girls come and start chatting @the_girly_couch | |
| 10 Feb 10, 11:09 PM rosarose UK(SG), 3 yrs |
I'm like this as well. I find it frustrating when lots of contact drops off into infrequent contact, especially if there is no particular reason for it or I'm not expecting it. I like consistency! I realise that you can't spend every minute of the day contacting each other etc (especially if there are other relationships/work etc to make things more complex). What I think i've come to realise about myself is that I like, need and want the attention and if it's not there then its not going to work for me. | |
| 12 Feb 10, 2:35 PM Incandescence UK, 3 yrs |
I don't think this is something that's peculiar to D/s relationships per se, but seems to be a natural progression of relationships in general. I think it's a bi product of some of the major differences between women and (most) men. They think and see things very differently to us in most areas and I've found that many men do indeed like 'the chase'. Once they have what they want, it (you) doesn't so much have less importance, but it's not as important for them to keep the momentum going. They've done the work, they've got what they wanted and don't really see the need to put in the extra effort any more. I don't think this is a concsious process or even a selfish one. It's probably more hunter gatherer syndrome which is inherent in most men.
I wouldn't see it as a reflection on you or the choices you make with reagards to the Doms you choose to become involved with. I think it's just another one of those little annoyances that some women need to deal with. Just one more thing to add to the list of mens' "bad habits" In order to know virtue, we must first aquaint ourselves with vice - Marquis De Sade Edited 12 Feb 10, 9:27 PM by Incandescence |
