A newby question – is it essential to push limits? (31)

umm or if we misjudge, we get punched on the nose!

Few years back

****

Tainteddesire : (in northern accent) "Ok I'll come meet you you , but be aware I don't do feet. Hard Hard limit is Feet!" Sitheee by eck etc

Me: "uhuh"

* When she gets there

Tainteddesire : "eee by gum, Just remember, no feet, I hates feet!"

Me: Grabs hair, makes her lick my feet.

Tainteddesire : "Oh god, I love your feet!

****

The point of the above is it is not what you do, but WHO you do it with and in what context. Just cos you dont enjoy it with one person doesn't mean you wont enjoy a variant of it with somebody else. This is where the trust comes in which means picking your guide carefully!

- Wulfy

My, what sharp teeth I have.

Edited 29 Jan 10, 1:00 PM by BadWulf

But if you present them to a dominant as your 'soft limits' then surprise surprise, guess what many dominants (me included) start stroking their chin thoughtfully about?!

For me there are hard limits only. They are different depending on my domme head or my bottom head, and they are things I'm not prepared to explore at all at this moment. They are things that I either have no interest in, or I find objectionable, or I know will not be psychologically a good thing.

However, like anyone my perception may change over time and I'm happy to face that if the time comes.

Regarding pushing limits... I also think that's a bit silly. At least silly to have as a standard dom/me threat which it seems to be. I think the answer lies is each individual relationship, some people like the rollercoaster ride, 'pushing the limits', testing each other, and building a big fantasy around this. And other people don't, and live quiet unfussy D/s lives just getting on with it.

So... up to you really; what do you want out of your relationship? Once you decide that, don't compromise, communicate and be happy

ETA; cross posted with Wulfy above and that's precisely my point! Something like 'feet' isn't ANY kind of limit, though I've seen it said many times!

Edited 29 Jan 10, 1:01 PM by SheilaBlyge

I've generally seen it as 3 sets of limits as you describe. You start with a comfort zone and it expands in size and scope with someone you trust will not intentionally harm you.

No problem if you don't "get it" now, or ever.

As I said above how it works out is that hard limits dissolve when the comfort zone expands, so no damage. *Putting my safety police hat on* it's common sense to be wary of who you place trust in so you are not at risk of being pushed too far too fast in the D/s end of the spectrum too.

It is, and for many subs that's part of the appeal, it is what many want. But that's not all it is. We can all feel elation after a success and many subs tend to feel on top of the world afterwards when they accomplish something they found difficult to please their partner.

Maybe, since the sub benefits from achieving something, or maybe it's a way of growing together and making their bonds to each other grow stronger in a very intimate and unique shared way.

nilla_in_the_woods wrote: Hoping to come to a munch soon, but I can't see myself asking these questions of strangers in rl

I'm sure you'll find that munch strangers can become munch friends you can talk easily to about all sorts.

No.

It very much depends on the desires of the parties involved. Some will relish pushing limits, and some will delight in having their limits pushed. It's all part of the merry Ds dance.

Others will not have an overwhelming need to push limits ad infinitum - or to have them pushed. I tend to sit within this latter camp, and have always steered clear of men who have a 'tool box' of limits that they feel they must pursue in order to exert dominance.

'A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing'

"Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time."

Nothing is essential.

Have a good time, enjoy what you do. That's it really!

www.thedivinemissp.co.uk

'limits' are a construct. They don't really exist in the same way that, e.g. a bicycle exists. So you can decide for yourself whether there are two types or three.

Just because you have categorised yourself as a submissive it doesn't mean that you have to agree to having your limits pushed. Your relationship with your significant other will be what you define it to be - limited or limitless or something in between. And of course it can evolve.

Bicycles are a hard limit!

Limits can be different depending on the individual, hard limits usually mean that they are not to be crossed in any event. Some limits are like the wrapping of a present, it's a limit as to how quickly one jumps in the water. They may want to just dip a toe in at first, or they may want to undo all the bits holding the wrapping paper in place before having the surprise of the actual experience.

One of my limits is needle play, it's a fairly hard limit but not one that goes against my moral views so not necessarily a hard limit, it's mainly due to just having a phobia of needles. Anyway, I was once playing with a couple that chose to do some needle play on me (I think I had stated it as a limit to them some time before via memo but I can't be certain). I did not protest at all as I assumed they knew I had a phobia and I trust them in any sort of play they do (they are both very sensible and don't do a form of play unless they know what they are doing). So I had a few needles put through my chest and then I just started to go woesey, I said I was about to faint and the session stopped. I felt great afterwards, in the spaciness of sub-space, other then a sense of guilt from not being able to take the play that could make my owners happy, but I knew they didn't mind really. A few days after I started to feel very disconnected from them (in which I was relatively new as their pet so there shouldn't have been to strong of a connection anyway) and after a while of pondering on this feeling I left from their ownership.

There can be submission without proof, its the same as asking can their be consciousness without proof.

It's a natural drive to want to experience new things and pushing limits is the simplest view for gaining new experience.

I'm not their myself (I generally want to push my 'limits' in someway) but I think that when you no longer feel the need to push your limits that is when you really accept what you do for what it is.

I think when it comes to being 'pushed beyond what their out-of-scene self can accept' it's much like psychedelic drugs, SOME people can not deal with the experience and can go insane, others will be changed but can deal with it. In the permanent sense I think that mainly comes from repetition, but I'd imagine some who react very badly to the experience will be affected the first or few times.

In my view the concept of mental damage is to controversial an idea to have any real views on. If your asking can someone become insane from living out their fantasies, in the eyes of the public, yes.

This community is as varied in types of people as the rest of the world, I'm sure if you desire you'll fit right in in a number of ways, a lot of the people on the scene don't ask these kinds of detailed questions in real life (for me it's easier to arrange things in text) but it's something you could quite easily get use to.

Symbols can never be what it is they represent.