What does it mean to be a submissive woman? (38)

You see, I've been on this site for over three years now, met a few of you, and read endless posts, and from this extensive research and experience it seems there are two main categories.

The first contains women who are what I guess you could call bedroom submissive. Sexually adventurous, enjoy relinquishing power in a sexual sensual way, but that's as far as it goes. As a friend said recently and I'm sure she won't mind me quoting her - “I surrender my will and body completely (or as far' as I can tell). So is that D/s? Depends on the definition, I guess. Because after the session, it's no more assumed that I'll make tea than my partner. “ In other words the power exchange dynamic ends when the session ends. The vast majority of my experience with submissive women has been thus.

The second type of submissive woman is the one I have less experience of and to whom I really address the question.

This woman might write or say things such as “Submission is at the core of who I am”, “I feel lost without my master”. She may seek a 24/7 and or TPE relationship.

Is this woman in essence a very different beast from the first? Does she seek to absolve herself of responsibility for the day to day running of her life by placing that responsibility in the hands of her 'Master' or 'Dominant'?

Perhaps manifesting itself in being told what to wear, who she can see, what other relationships she may have and with whom, being set tasks to prove and to drill her submission.

Would this type of submissive for example hand over to her Dom, responsibility for her weight, her appearance, how she approaches her career, or life / work balance and would it be true for her, ideally that D/s and or an element of control is always there.? Sometimes visible sometimes not..

Is it an altruistic thing? Or is it actually demanding?

Seems the more I learn the less I know. But I really would like to know more and hear from those who have experience.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

Edited Thu 28 Jan 10, 6:54 PM by tony999

First, i'm going to say that i wouldn't feel 'lost' without Master. i don't depend on Him without choice; i choose to depend on Him.

i don't really see it as altruistic, at least not for me. i do love to do things for Him, but in the same way i imaging a doting vanilla wife loves to take care of her husband. But i'm not getting nothing out of it; i get the pleasure of a job well done, a happy Master, and by extension, sexual pleasure (or my favourite Ben & Jerry's, whatever...) as a reward. For me, the domestic side is more submissive and the sexual side is more slave-like. i need that flexibility as a mum - i get my required tasks done in my own time (i.e. naptime, usually ) and take great pride in doing them well, especially as they, along with the general rules, are my link to Master when W/we can't be physically together during the day.

i don't consider myself to have no responsibility whatsoever, but the decision-making responsibility has been handed over for sure. Master does have say over my weight, food, clothes etc but He chooses when to micromanage and mostly trusts me to make choices He is happy with. If i'm ever in doubt, i ask. He encourages the relationships He wishes me to have, but always with my best interest in mind. A lot of the time it's getting me to do something obvious that i otherwise wouldn't have done on my own which is of a certain benefit to me, even something as simple as going for a walk.

if i didn't feel like i was getting out of it what i needed to emotionally or whatever, i'd say something, but i'm definitely beyond 'this isn't working out and i don't want it anymore'; it's not a conscious choice. O/our relationship has always had a D/s dynamic in a way; W/we just made it official finally and Master put some rules in place to make things run smoothly.

i have a feeling i'm going to read this tomorrow and wonder where the verbal diarrhea came from, but that's the best i can do at the moment.

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln

But this was because I was never 'just playing'. There would always be relationships, kinda D/s, 24/7. With 'just playing' I would have never been able to see the complex beauty of the submissives and their devotion.

And there is no such thing like an essence. Our subs are loving, caressing women, each girl completely different.

see also anaiis ic site and die-erdbeerbowle.de (our adventures in the London and UK Fetish party scene)

Not at all. I very much appreciate the insight, thanks.

Choosing to depend on someone must take a lot of trust, but as you've already mentioned there are parallels with a vanilla relationship.

Daytime sub, / sexual slave sounds a very intereting dynamic and it sounds like it works for you.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

Edited 29 Jan 10, 12:00 AM by tony999

The powers so far that I have handed over seem relatively small and inconvenient (like permission to use the bathroom/wearing matching underwear constantly) but at the same time I want to obey, it focuses me on how I can be better. He doesnt have control over my outerwear, weight or what I eat, although I suspect that will come with time, but obviously not if I didnt want it to.

I tend to find my other self wanting to please almost constantly and if I dont/cant I tend to overthink things and get myself into more problems because I feel I haven't been the best I can be.

However adversely I definitely would not let this side of me effect my career/life balance or influence me to do things I would not want to do or effect things that I do want (like getting my nipple pierced)

thats my 2 pence anyway. Xx

taking my first wobbly steps into the much unexplored world of BDSM with PD Xx Yes, I just want the one nipple pierced!

Oooh I feel compelled to write something sensible instead of simply saying "it meanth that you have to thpeak in thubby thpeak"

Right that's out of my system now

This isn't really "submission" IMO. I play like this with people who would get no reaction from me if they were to tell me not to do something... except possibly getting told to bugger off

I wouldn't say any of those things anymore, though there was a time that I would have done.

The thing is, my submission is in the real world, where having submission at your core is pretty unhelpful.

This said, there is something inside me that makes submission the way I know to express my love for people, and something that makes me happy

Not necessarily. Submission is not only about being controlled. It is also about giving yourself, your consideration, your support and your care to people.

When I submit, it is not to rules and orders, but by deferring to those who I respect and care for, by considering their needs and by trying to make their lives easier the best way I can.

I tried this. Everything I did controlled. Where I went, what I wore, my makeup, my perfume, if there was a decision to make about it, I didn't control it.

It was an unhelpful thing for me. At the time I was very uncertain of myself, my self worth was zero, my confidence was non-existent. It reinforced that I was useless and incapable.

I think that there is always going to be an underlying element of D/s at least for me. Even in normal nilla situations there are some things that are just natural for a sub to do. Whether it is to carry the shopping or make the tea, generally fetch and carry or clean the kitchen *sniggers coz I know a certain someone is bound to read this*

I am not sure you can be a sub without a degree of altruism.

I am by no means completely selfless, but I will put my will, comfort and pleasure second to the will, comfort and pleasure of the special people in my life.

Sometimes it is demanding, when what you know will please the Dommely types is not what you *want* to do from a selfish place. However ultimately the desire to please them deals with that quite effectively.

xxx

If they don't want me to go for their jugular, they simply oughtn't have one...
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Don't fade 'til your colours have been seen. Life shapes and then refines you, rainbows appear where rain has been...

AB

If i had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isnt

I am most certainly sexually submissive and the thought of being in a 24/7 D/s relationship doesn't appeal to me in the least. But there are things, outside the bedroom (and which you have actually mentioned in your OP under 24/7) that would also appeal to me (and others that most definitely wouldn't) in the right circumstances.

Myabe it is but just me but I would be surprised if there aren't many more people who lie somewhere in between.

In order to know virtue, we must first aquaint ourselves with vice - Marquis De Sade

angelbrat wrote: <<<<see my weblog *submissive*....too long winded to post on here AB

You can find it here coz I am a good and helpful friend

xxx

If they don't want me to go for their jugular, they simply oughtn't have one...
.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
.
Don't fade 'til your colours have been seen. Life shapes and then refines you, rainbows appear where rain has been...

Edited 28 Jan 10, 9:46 PM by Ghedes_Princess

Princess_of_Subness wrote: angelbrat wrote: <<<<see my weblog *submissive*....too long winded to post on here AB You can find it here coz I am a good and helpful friend xxx

AB

If i had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isnt

I agree. I am in the middle of both. Although we have a d/s relationship further than just "sessions," we are definately not 24/7. We tend to slip in and out of it. We did try 24/7 once, and it didn't work for either of us.