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| mia |
on Tue 26 Jan 10, 9:43 PM to mia's blog.
Starting a relationship is a balancing task. I'd love someone to wave a magic wand and to find myself in an established, secure relationship that manages to capture all the fun stuff that the start brings with it; the passion, the intrigue, the right-level-of-awkwardness (that Miss Allen sings about) and the glazed look that people notice and wonder if you're happy or off your head on poppers (before the headachey stuff).
I'd love someone to wave a magic wand and to find myself in an established, secure relationship that manages to erase all the worry stuff that the start brings with it; the questions, the pessimism of whether it's going as well as it seems to be in your own head, the wrong-level-of-awkwardness (that dwindles once you know the rules) and the glazed look that people notice and wonder if you're being brainwashed or off your head on poppers (before the headache stuff).
I'd love someone to wave a magic wand and find myself in an established, secure relationship that manages to balance out the timings of when to see people, when to share, when it's just tmi, when your friends are happy for you, but when it's not all they talk about. I am happy that my relationship itself is not an equally balanced meeting of two people, but the unequal meeting of a dominant man and submissive woman who are choosing to spend time together in a rather sickly sweet and sometimes an *insert serious face* way. What I find more difficult is the balancing act of adjusting from my single life to coupledom.
Roll on equilibrium, well kinda
mia, x
| 27 Jan 10, 5:53 AM River_Deep UK, 6 yrs |
It is a nightmare. I am a very happy single person. Always have been. I lean on no one for anything, I expect nothing and just crack on with my life. Throw a new relationship into the mix ( and I mean one where a bond had been established, not a couple of dates and a shag or 2) and the changes needed knock me on the back foot. These are not bad ones, but I have now learnt that I need to balance their need, and my need, in a much better fashion for it to be right for us at the start. RD xx It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do it | |
| 27 Jan 10, 7:25 AM mia UK(M), 4 yrs       |
I'm enjoying this stage, it's just quite a change from only having myself to worry about or which night out to go on. I've now one person who is my priority and the relationships with my friends, vanilla ones anyway, are changing too. mia, x "Passion should believe itself irresistible. It should forget civility and consideration and all the other curses of a refined nature. Above all, it should never ask for leave where there is a right of way." @Manchester | |
| 27 Jan 10, 8:26 AM x_flaire_x UK(OX), 10 yrs |
Doubt and fears, particularly of rejection, are the growing pains of each new relationship. How much does he like me? Am I going to fast? Why am I such an insecure ninny? And so on.
If it helps, men are just the same. Racked (if you'll forgive the image I now have of a certain gentleman of your acquaintance 'racked' You will look back wistfully and remember these times with a certain bitter-sweet tenderness. f x Edited 27 Jan 10, 8:39 AM by x_flaire_x | |
| 27 Jan 10, 5:40 PM MsNemi UK, 4 yrs |
I know you know this, but things will settle down. The problem the is keeping that initial thrill and joy going. We are never quite happy, when things are new we crave stability and when things get comfortable we crave the thrill. Hopefully you can negotiate some sort of happy medium.
Although I suspect that negotiation may be some way down the agenda One of God's own prototypes, a high powered mutant of some kind, never considered for mass production. Too weird to live, too rare to die. | |
| 27 Jan 10, 8:40 PM Mabesque UK(LS), 4 yrs |
Mmmmm, new relationship energy! The joy can be kept, I find  and the worries disappear in the cold light of talking a lot about whatever you're worried about and fixing the cause.You can't change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails. | |
| 27 Jan 10, 9:16 PM Zarabeth UK(TW), 3 yrs   |
Don't forget that your friends, his friends, and any groups that you are involved with will be adjusting also, and some may well find that difficult. But this will get easier in time, and those who are your true friends will make the effort. Best of luck to you both, and remember that there are people in the south as well, that may not know you in person, but who are routing for you too!
Mari | |
| 28 Jan 10, 5:54 PM mia UK(M), 4 yrs |
Cheers everyone - it's not a problem, it's just the adjustment phase - and the fact i'm a big giant ball of constant worry. D'oh. mia, x "Passion should believe itself irresistible. It should forget civility and consideration and all the other curses of a refined nature. Above all, it should never ask for leave where there is a right of way." @Manchester | |
| 30 Jan 10, 2:04 AM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
Crikey, as a single person I always think of how great a relationship must be to be in but now you mention all these things, I'm thinking "eek! where along ones personal life does the stress and worry stop?!" eek!
Nah seriously though, embrace it It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice |
) by similar doubts.