Posted by Skyhook
on Sun 24 Jan 10, 11:50 PM to Skyhook's blog.
"If you can't laugh at yourself" I explained kindly to the new office boy (ok, he's been there over a year, but by default he's still the 'new boy') while the banter was flying around "you could be missing the joke of the year".
I honestly don't know from where I get this reputation for cynicism and sarcasm he's tarred me with. Not a clue. Not having a clue, funnily enough, is the new boy's problem. We've all got to start somewhere and being put in an office with a group of overworked grizzly Engineers is a heck of a learning curve to be put on – but it would help to actually try to learn. Still, he's sticking it out – the current record for the length of time between someone starting then quitting our office is a day. When the banter is flying around and he's getting (correctly) blamed for everything, I like to think I show compassion. A friendly face. An ally. A happy voice and kind word.
"I'm off to the shop," he announced one lunchtime.
"Ok, but I don't think they sell maps of arses and elbows..."
**
He asked me on Friday if, during my quiet moments, I dream and plot of world domination.
"I do" I said to Mrs S as we walked back from town, recounting the exchange. "and when I do rule the world there won't be enough sturdy walls, bullets and blindfolds".
"You don't mean that" Mrs S replied, giving me a look as she paused at the kerb before pushing the pram across a side turning. "If you did you wouldn't be the man I married."
I harrumphed a tad, but really my heart wasn't in it; we were walking back form town having bumped into some friends and enjoyed a coffee n' slice o'cake.
"Fogs"
"Twaaaat!"
Bit of a tradition that exchange, whenever we see a car driving with its front fog lights on in normal conditions. Twats. "So what would you do with people like that? Shoot them?"
"Noooo... maybe that's too much. I'd make them have operations to give them cataracts, so they do think it's foggy all the time and really do need their foglights". (Who says Dictators need logic?)
Another look, and the faintest of sighs.
"What about people who don't use their indicators?" Mrs S asked as we stopped at another side turning.
"I'd take their BMWs off them. And break their fingers, as they obviously aren't using them..."
I didn't even need to turn my head this time to know I was getting 'the look'.
**
Really though, what would I do if I ruled the world? Making rules would be fun, but then there would always be buggers pestering me with problems and wanting advice. I've already considered banning war for all but the over 70's, but then you've got to enforce the law. It'd cost me a fortune in Sanatogen and cod liver oil to keep an army big enough. It'd be a waste of time and energy hunting and destroying everyone I disagreed with or who disliked me – much better just to let them get on with it and ignore them.
What I'd want is to live in a nice house, with a filthy minded, intelligent, beautiful wife, with kids to have giggles with, to keep me young. To watch grow and develop every day. I'd want the time to read, to create, to do hobbies. To eat out when we wanted, enough money to travel, experience places. A good car, great friends. Something to do during the week that I enjoy.
Yeah, why would I want to rule the world?
My world rules.
| 25 Jan 10, 10:22 AM Amber_Light 3 yrs |
If I had to quote what bits made me snigger and chuckle it would make for too long a reply. I did feel like the nodding dog in the back of the car whilst reading this though lol! You forgot to mention the twaaaaats that drive in the fog with no lights on at all! Mind you, I think they all live here in Lincolnshire  |
| 25 Jan 10, 1:21 PM stormywaters PT, 4 yrs |
Oooh you smug bastard. My object all sublime... |
