"Humiliation makes us happier" (23)

"[W]hen I did ... research into positive psychology, I found out that humiliation actually makes us happier. Across cultures, when we get embarrassed there is a physiological response. This is a way of showing people that we are vulnerable, they realize that in this moment they have power over us, and that means they like us more. There is this synchronicity of people's emotional needs being met. We are happier when we are humiliated around people we trust."

BDSMers instinctively know this, of course, and also know the psychological value of role play. Nice to know that such influential, innovative voices are thinking along similar lines, though.

jxx

I have to drive diferent cars for work and I find it quite noticeable how when driving something like a Mercedes or a BMW other drivers treat you in a different,and worse,way.For example you don't get waved out of a side road anywhere near as much.

This raises the paradox to me that by having something that,at least in theory,serves to increase your feeling of well being actually works the other way.So it makes sense really.Someone feels superior to you and treats you well, they feel inferior and treat you badly.

Interesting analogy with the cars; I used to drive an Audi, and when buzzing around in a courtesy car, think it was a Punto, I spent two miserable days feeling like other drivers treated me like rubbish. Minute I got back in the Audi, normal levels of courtesy and attention resumed. Possibly because Audi is only moderately posh, rather than overtly show-off (I'm talking peoples' perceptions, not reality or hard fact!).

Anyway, back to humiliation (notwithstanding the fact I found driving a Punto humiliating, largely because I couldn't figure out the controls ).

I always stress to people, I don't 'do' humiliation, either dishing it out or receiving it. I personally can't imagine any way in which humiliation, even amongst those I trust, could leave me with any measure of happiness, wellbeing, or positive outcome.

I am utterly fascinated by the whole area, and I always devour every word on threads here about the matter. I almost feel like I'm missing out on something. From the anecdotal evidence it clearly is a hugely positive thing for many people.

For me, other people's humiliation simply embarrasses me, (or worries me, depending on the situation). My own humiliation leaves me empty, sad, distraught. By humiliation, I mean something a bit more serious than mild embarrassment, which, being a tad dippy and prone to daft mistakes, I'm all too used to, and quite able to brush off easily.

Watching the rest of the thread with interest.

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/

I always stress to people, I don't 'do' humiliation, either dishing it out or receiving it. I personally can't imagine any way in which humiliation, even amongst those I trust, could leave me with any measure of happiness, wellbeing, or positive outcome.

I am utterly fascinated by the whole area, and I always devour every word on threads here about the matter. I almost feel like I'm missing out on something. From the anecdotal evidence it clearly is a hugely positive thing for many people.

For me, other people's humiliation simply embarrasses me, (or worries me, depending on the situation). My own humiliation leaves me empty, sad, distraught. By humiliation, I mean something a bit more serious than mild embarrassment, which, being a tad dippy and prone to daft mistakes, I'm all too used to, and quite able to brush off easily.

Watching the rest of the thread with interest. [/quote]

I have lots of friends I trust but that doesn't mean I'd be happy if someone slapped me infront of them.

I think humiliation is a really deep seated thing in the human psyche and i think there's waaaaaay much more to be looked at until we can conclude why some people might enjoy it.

Heck, it's almost as hard as trying to work out why some people enjoy being tied up and blindfolded.

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

To be so open and vulnerable before someone we truly trust, and to have them witness that and accept aspects of your usually submerged self, is a major buzz, releasing the stress built up from having to keep one's ego intact and project an image.

Obviously to be totally and utterly crushed by humiliation is destructive and usually undesirable ... but such humiliation generally wouldn't occur before trusted people, would it.

I also like the future the writer invokes (in the rest of her talk), of a world more open and attuned to all our needs, engineered by people like games designers, and perhaps even our employers and other "betters", but, more importanly, by ourselves. I think BDSMers are ahead of the game, anyway.

I feel exactly the same! I cannot imagine any level of threat that would make me dance. I find it humiliating in an utterly unpleasant and genuinely repellent way.

The OP makes a lot of sense though. I certainly relate to the positive experience of feeling the inherent power dynamic in humiliation.

"Don't Dream It - Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973

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