Training (7)

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TheFalconer
Posted by TheFalconer on Thu 21 Jan 10, 12:55 PM

What role does training take in your O&P relationship? Is it just a matter of learning preferences, or an ongoing programme to maintain "fitness"? Or something else altogether?

Or if you choose not to use "training", why not?

Replies

21 Jan 10, 2:23 PM
Belasarius
UK(M), 6 yrs
Y!
I would say there is very little in the way of training and an awful lot in the way of development.
Lots of exploration of ways to give and receive respect and adoration and lots of effort put into making the resulting rituals and behaviours as expressive as possible.
Very little prescriptive "you will do this - in this way" instruction and practice.
Best to all.
Patience is bitter - but its fruit is sweet.
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

21 Jan 10, 8:36 PM
Tanos
UK(M), 12 yrs
Y!
Up until quite recently my position was that the "training puppies to do backflips" school of "Slave Training" wasn't at all helpful, and that to the extent that training meant anything, it meant teaching a submissive your preferences etc so they could serve you in the way you wanted. So very much something you'd do at the start of a relationship, to get them up to speed. One aspect of that view is that you're not training their submission at all, just conveying information really.
However, I now think that's part of the backlash against the "puppy backflip" stuff, and not entirely justified. If you think about training in the way that sports men and women talk about "keeping up with their training", you can see it has a sense of an ongoing activity to keep something in shape.
What we're so often concerned with in D/s is developing and maintaining ways of thinking, acting and behaving. Quite like sport in that respect, but also some work skills. For example, not cutting corners and getting sloppy in forestry, so you don't end up under a tree trunk These are good habits, and like most things with people, they are learnt and kept up to scratch with practice and repetition. That's what sports training is, and I believe it is another sensible way of using the word "training" in D/s.
For example, that yes, XYZ does have to be put away properly after every single time that it's used, not just because it will last longer, but because it's the dominant's XYZ and his rules and authority are what matters.
If humans can just be told to do things, why do soldiers have to practice drill? To cultivate the habit of prompt, unquestioning obedience, which is not a bad thing to cultivate in D/s too.
Regards,
Tanos
(Yes, that's a cut and paste of something I was edging towards posting here originally!)
www.tanos.org.uk
@Manchester ?

21 Jan 10, 9:27 PM
TheFalconer
UK(S), 4 yrs

Tanos wrote:
(Yes, that's a cut and paste of something I was edging towards posting here originally!)
That's OK, that thread (and post) was part of what prompted me to post the topic.
"Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde

22 Jan 10, 12:21 AM
Big_Friendly_Giant
UK, 7 yrs

TheFalconer wrote:
What role does training take in your O&P relationship? Is it just a matter of learning preferences, or an ongoing programme to maintain "fitness"? Or something else altogether?
Or if you choose not to use "training", why not?
I see training is partially about doing what I would want from my submissive. But mainly I see it as developing the submissive in a way that will help her grow emotionally, spiritually (I know some would not approve), physically, socially, physically and professionally.
How this is applied would differ depending on the submissive. It might include a routine for diet, sleep and exercise. But could also include appearance, social life, dress sense and life time aims. As always I feel I do not fully express what is in my mind is something very simple, but difficult to explain.
To put it another way training is more for the benefit of the submissive than it can ever be for the Dom.

23 Jan 10, 2:05 PM
De_Luxe
UK, 3 yrs

TheFalconer wrote:
What role does training take in your O&P relationship? Is it just a matter of learning preferences, or an ongoing programme to maintain "fitness"? Or something else altogether?
Or if you choose not to use "training", why not?
I see it as Development which includes some training. Without it the direction a submissive seeks from a dominant to know how to please is ... here I struggle for right words... somewhat lacking.
There is necessarily then training of the submissive to learn the preferences of the dominant. Familiarity with tasks always done a certain way make them quicker and easier to accomplish. So, as Tanos mentioned through repetition and practice the dominant's preferences become second nature and easier for the submissive.
Training and Development overlap when new skills or techniques are taught and some will make activities more enjoyable for the submissive. Training, or teaching, can demonstrate that the duty of care is a working practice if, for example, a submissive needs to be taught how to breathe to process pain.
Development is for us both discovery and growth and the enjoyment of this process as Owner and property. I invite and work at my boy to be open so that I can see and suggest where growth is needed for us to go forwards.
I can see why there was a backlash to a "jumping through hoops" type of "Slave training" when I look at websites that deal with it on such a superficial level.
Training suggests to us that there is care and interest in the submissive doing well and it provides the direction that is wanted by my submissive to be able to do well.

25 Jan 10, 8:33 PM
Tanos
UK(M), 12 yrs
Y!
Thanks for the posts so far
I think there's also an aspect in this kind of ongoing training of there being an active role that the dominant has to be play for it to work, that goes beyond providing the initial information about their preferences.
For example, in continuing to pick up on infractions of the rules or protocols they've set. (Just as a sloppy coach leads to ineffective sports training, to continue the analogy.)
I think this is another way of looking at the perennial issue of dominants taking their eye off the ball and letting the discipline slide, which many submissives find extremely destabilising. In the ongoing training picture, that means the sub's sense of obedience "gets out of shape" (like a coach that lets people turn up late and skip sessions when they like.)
Regards,
Tanos
www.tanos.org.uk
@Manchester ?

26 Jan 10, 10:38 PM
TheFalconer
UK(S), 4 yrs

I agree with those who've said that a lot of what gets called "training" in D/s relationships is actually "development". For better or for worse though the word "training" at least has some degree of erotic charge (think "slave training"), whereas "development" is just going to make most people think of the office.
For us in our relationship there's been a number of different forms of training in place over time. At the beginning of the relationship it was naturally focused to a degree on learning preferences and ways of doing things, but there was also a strong element of her learning skills I wanted her to have (most notably cooking).
As we've moved on we've been doing something which is a lot closer to what Tanos talks about as analogous to sport training - the practise and repetition which ensures good results every time. The way we've done this has been with a series of training plans. Originally these were annual, but this year we've moved them to being shorter term, which works better for us.
The plans (broadly) are a set of goals to be met over the period they last for. I find it works well for us because it addresses the issue of me possibly taking my "eye off the ball" as well as setting the targets for her, because of course many of her targets require my active involvement and support to be met. It's not just about "maintenance" though - I also use the plans as a way to push and develop her over time.
Her training plans are also tied in to her rewards system - but that's probably a seperate topic for discussion (as in positive vs negative reinforcement).
"Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde


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