21 Jan 10, 2:12 PM
Dracoson
UK(M), 4 yrs
 |
I am shy sarah's Dom.
Red knows the 2 of us very well and is right in what she has said. She has experience of both of us as persons and as a coupel, and I thank her for her words.
When I see my sub I just want to hold her and enjoy being around her for a while, as Im usually tired form working 6 day weeks with 4 evenings spoken for too. We both give a lot to this relationship and neither of us just takes.
Some of the posts seem very negative here with only 2 open minded exceptions.
We welcome practical suggestions and advice, we both know full time D/s takes a lot of work.
For your information she will not be able to reply to these posts any more as i broke her fingers, set fire to her computer and locked her in the cellar.
D
Irrepressible_Red wrote:
shy_sarah wrote:
C'mon people! Making D/s work full time is hard work on both sides, and takes a lot of working at. I don't think it's all my Dom's fault, just as it's not all mine. Any practical thoughts/suggestions?
|
Agreed love, and I have to disagree with the posts that have implied you're just giving and he's just taking. Not true at all.
I struggle with lack of self discipline constantly, and if someone were trying to enforce a rule, standard or protocol on me it would take a LOT or work for them to make sure I was sticking with it. Having trouble with "just doing it to please him" or even "cause you know it's for your own good" is not a reflection on your willingness or capability to sub. It really is just an aspect of your nature that should be recognised and catered for.
From his viewpoint, it is a hard thing to keep check on someone. Real life does get in the way and perhaps the process of checking you're complying and punishing you if you're not can occasionally be overtaken by the desire just to spend some quality time with you? No bad thing if so.
Unlike me, you would always be unfailingly honest if you have strayed from the rules, more credit to you for it! I don't think it would be overstepping the mark on occasion to put forth your digressions to him rather than wait for them to be noticed? This might just give him the rise he needs (did I really just type that) do deal with them properly. The control aspect is obviously important to you and I'm sure he knows that. You just might need to occasionally remind each other how important it is, and what you need to do about it!
|
|
21 Jan 10, 3:13 PM
Cleric
UK(M), 11 yrs
   |
To control someone else, or indeed be controlled by someone else, you must first be able to control yourself. D/s involves 2 willing parties, and how willing they both are is constantly tested as you spend time with each other. Sometimes 'encouraging' someone to do something they struggle with is necessary. But at the same time they must be willing to be encouraged, they need to want to be pushed out of their comfort zone.
Self discipline is taking the less desirable path for the more desirable outcome. Try to get good at spotting yourself having a moment of weakness. When you do, think long and hard on the consequences of that, and then see how you feel. Try saying to yourself "If I don't do this, the result will be..." Chances are the consequences will be something that you already have to put up with but aren't happy with. Concentrate on how that has felt in the past, and you will feel more motivated to put the work in. And don't expect it to happen overnight, you're allowed to take some time to get there.
You're far from the first couple to have real life make D/s more of an effort, you'll be fine.  Manchester FAB Munch
|
21 Jan 10, 3:14 PM
poutanaki
UK(M), 10 yrs
|
Eek.
I hope you didn't read my response as negative and dismissing of your dynamic, if it read as such, I unreservedly apologise.
I perhaps I concentrated on the identitying, and not enough on practical practical advice. Sorry.
Maybe because I've struggled to find solutions myself...
Perhaps Sarah documenting and keeping track of her own behaviour, a naughty book, to reviewed at regular intervals.
Also think pre decided set punishments or rewards for specific indiscretions or good behaviour can help.
Sorry again if caused any offense...
...going to shut up now.
Dracoson wrote:
I am shy sarah's Dom.
Red knows the 2 of us very well and is right in what she has said. She has experience of both of us as persons and as a coupel, and I thank her for her words.
When I see my sub I just want to hold her and enjoy being around her for a while, as Im usually tired form working 6 day weeks with 4 evenings spoken for too. We both give a lot to this relationship and neither of us just takes.
Some of the posts seem very negative here with only 2 open minded exceptions.
We welcome practical suggestions and advice, we both know full time D/s takes a lot of work.
For your information she will not be able to reply to these posts any more as i broke her fingers, set fire to her computer and locked her in the cellar.
D
Irrepressible_Red wrote:
shy_sarah wrote:
C'mon people! Making D/s work full time is hard work on both sides, and takes a lot of working at. I don't think it's all my Dom's fault, just as it's not all mine. Any practical thoughts/suggestions?
|
Agreed love, and I have to disagree with the posts that have implied you're just giving and he's just taking. Not true at all.
I struggle with lack of self discipline constantly, and if someone were trying to enforce a rule, standard or protocol on me it would take a LOT or work for them to make sure I was sticking with it. Having trouble with "just doing it to please him" or even "cause you know it's for your own good" is not a reflection on your willingness or capability to sub. It really is just an aspect of your nature that should be recognised and catered for.
From his viewpoint, it is a hard thing to keep check on someone. Real life does get in the way and perhaps the process of checking you're complying and punishing you if you're not can occasionally be overtaken by the desire just to spend some quality time with you? No bad thing if so.
Unlike me, you would always be unfailingly honest if you have strayed from the rules, more credit to you for it! I don't think it would be overstepping the mark on occasion to put forth your digressions to him rather than wait for them to be noticed? This might just give him the rise he needs (did I really just type that) do deal with them properly. The control aspect is obviously important to you and I'm sure he knows that. You just might need to occasionally remind each other how important it is, and what you need to do about it!
|
|
Your so pretty when your on your knees.
Disinfected, eager to please
|
21 Jan 10, 3:28 PM
Dracoson
UK(M), 4 yrs
|
No, you were one of the positive ones.
Naughty book is an option.
we have already set punishments for certain indescressions.
Thanks for your input poutanaki
D
poutanaki wrote:
Eek.
I hope you didn't read my response as negative and dismissing of your dynamic, if it read as such, I unreservedly apologise.
I perhaps I concentrated on the identitying, and not enough on practical practical advice. Sorry.
Maybe because I've struggled to find solutions myself...
Perhaps Sarah documenting and keeping track of her own behaviour, a naughty book, to reviewed at regular intervals.
Also think pre decided set punishments or rewards for specific indiscretions or good behaviour can help.
Sorry again if caused any offense...
...going to shut up now.
Dracoson wrote:
I am shy sarah's Dom.
Red knows the 2 of us very well and is right in what she has said. She has experience of both of us as persons and as a coupel, and I thank her for her words.
When I see my sub I just want to hold her and enjoy being around her for a while, as Im usually tired form working 6 day weeks with 4 evenings spoken for too. We both give a lot to this relationship and neither of us just takes.
Some of the posts seem very negative here with only 2 open minded exceptions.
We welcome practical suggestions and advice, we both know full time D/s takes a lot of work.
For your information she will not be able to reply to these posts any more as i broke her fingers, set fire to her computer and locked her in the cellar.
D
Irrepressible_Red wrote:
shy_sarah wrote:
C'mon people! Making D/s work full time is hard work on both sides, and takes a lot of working at. I don't think it's all my Dom's fault, just as it's not all mine. Any practical thoughts/suggestions?
|
Agreed love, and I have to disagree with the posts that have implied you're just giving and he's just taking. Not true at all.
I struggle with lack of self discipline constantly, and if someone were trying to enforce a rule, standard or protocol on me it would take a LOT or work for them to make sure I was sticking with it. Having trouble with "just doing it to please him" or even "cause you know it's for your own good" is not a reflection on your willingness or capability to sub. It really is just an aspect of your nature that should be recognised and catered for.
From his viewpoint, it is a hard thing to keep check on someone. Real life does get in the way and perhaps the process of checking you're complying and punishing you if you're not can occasionally be overtaken by the desire just to spend some quality time with you? No bad thing if so.
Unlike me, you would always be unfailingly honest if you have strayed from the rules, more credit to you for it! I don't think it would be overstepping the mark on occasion to put forth your digressions to him rather than wait for them to be noticed? This might just give him the rise he needs (did I really just type that) do deal with them properly. The control aspect is obviously important to you and I'm sure he knows that. You just might need to occasionally remind each other how important it is, and what you need to do about it!
|
|
|
|
21 Jan 10, 6:27 PM
Miss_serena
4 yrs |
Dracoson wrote:
I am shy sarah's Dom.
Red knows the 2 of us very well and is right in what she has said. She has experience of both of us as persons and as a coupel, and I thank her for her words.
When I see my sub I just want to hold her and enjoy being around her for a while, as Im usually tired form working 6 day weeks with 4 evenings spoken for too. We both give a lot to this relationship and neither of us just takes.
Some of the posts seem very negative here with only 2 open minded exceptions.
We welcome practical suggestions and advice, we both know full time D/s takes a lot of work.
For your information she will not be able to reply to these posts any more as i broke her fingers, set fire to her computer and locked her in the cellar.
D
Irrepressible_Red wrote:
shy_sarah wrote:
C'mon people! Making D/s work full time is hard work on both sides, and takes a lot of working at. I don't think it's all my Dom's fault, just as it's not all mine. Any practical thoughts/suggestions?
|
Agreed love, and I have to disagree with the posts that have implied you're just giving and he's just taking. Not true at all.
I struggle with lack of self discipline constantly, and if someone were trying to enforce a rule, standard or protocol on me it would take a LOT or work for them to make sure I was sticking with it. Having trouble with "just doing it to please him" or even "cause you know it's for your own good" is not a reflection on your willingness or capability to sub. It really is just an aspect of your nature that should be recognised and catered for.
From his viewpoint, it is a hard thing to keep check on someone. Real life does get in the way and perhaps the process of checking you're complying and punishing you if you're not can occasionally be overtaken by the desire just to spend some quality time with you? No bad thing if so.
Unlike me, you would always be unfailingly honest if you have strayed from the rules, more credit to you for it! I don't think it would be overstepping the mark on occasion to put forth your digressions to him rather than wait for them to be noticed? This might just give him the rise he needs (did I really just type that) do deal with them properly. The control aspect is obviously important to you and I'm sure he knows that. You just might need to occasionally remind each other how important it is, and what you need to do about it!
|
|
I totally get where you are both coming from. Mistress and I have hectic lifes with 6 kids between us, university, and work .. I am hard work and always will be . It is sometimes difficult I find ,to meet your nilla and D/s needs .. above all of this though , we love each other dearly ..as I am sure you two do too x
I have found that the more I am cuddled and told what a good girl I am , followed by button kisses to the nose... the more subservient I feel , for me that feels like total control x
You guys are so great together , lots of love x owned , happy and contented.x
|
21 Jan 10, 9:12 PM
selena_burns_bright
2 yrs |
i too can empathise with dracoson and sarah. when i was Domme i could find it tiring and hard work at times, not because of the relationship i was in, but becuase work and other life stuff seemed to take my energy out of me and leave me drained. im sure it will take time and effort but im sure you too will work it out
and sarah, i also consider myself headstrong and feisty, and i wondered myself if i would make a good sub because of this, or whether i was a reluctant sub. so thanks for showing me im not the only one with this internal conflict
I think the thrill for me is the same - to have someone else control me, instead of me controlling me for a change! Just move on up and keep on wishing, Remember your dreams are your only schemes , So keep on pushing - Curtis Mayfield
|
22 Jan 10, 9:51 AM
Dracoson
UK(M), 4 yrs
|
Thank you my dear.
we are comming up with some good ideas that will hopefully work.
Lots of love back.
x
[/quote]
I totally get where you are both coming from. Mistress and I have hectic lifes with 6 kids between us, university, and work .. I am hard work and always will be . It is sometimes difficult I find ,to meet your nilla and D/s needs .. above all of this though , we love each other dearly ..as I am sure you two do too x
I have found that the more I am cuddled and told what a good girl I am , followed by button kisses to the nose... the more subservient I feel , for me that feels like total control x
You guys are so great together , lots of love x
[/quote]
|
