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| shy_sarah |
Tags: Manchester (M)
When given a set of rules to abide by, I find I only obey them as long as they are enforced. If I'm not checked up on, I will stop adhering. I annoy myself at this lack of internal discipline though no-one, least of all me, would be surprised to hear I am high-maintenance. 
Is it a feeling of being let down when a threat isn't followed through? When you get away with it once, twice, consistently, there's a twinge of disappointment. There's no sneaky achievement there, just a resigned pout that nobody sees.
As a sub I really feel I shouldn't be demanding anything, yet I seem to demand regulation to maintain my headspace. I'm a big ol' bag of internal conflict...
Does this mean I'm not a good/natural sub? And is that question as ridiculous as it sounds in my head?
I guess the issue is that I want to have my freedom taken, rather than hand it out.
| 20 Jan 10, 9:27 PM Ms_Amaranth UK(WS), 11 yrs  |
Some one I like very much said that when their Dom didn't carry threats through or maintain rules they felt they couldn't be bothered because interest in them had waned.
Eleanor Roosevelt: The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience. | ||
| 20 Jan 10, 9:32 PM kaoskitten 7 yrs |
for me if someone does not follow through not just in D/s but in all other walks of life i lose respect and interest.
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| 20 Jan 10, 9:40 PM MRDaws UK(SE), 5 yrs |
It seems to me that if I had gone to the effort to make a threat/ promise a punishment then it would be mad of me not to go through with said threat if you hadn't complied with the relevant rules. e.g. "you will spend time in the corner if you do not do your chores so a satisfactory standard" etc What I'm saying (and most likely doing laps around the houses) is why make threats if you aren't prepared to follow them through? shy_sarah it looks like you need some externally enforced boundaries to compensate for your lack of internal discipline which in my view makes you a very natural sub or else why would you need the discipline?
btw freedom is boring unless you have boundaries Edited 20 Jan 10, 9:42 PM by MRDaws | ||
| 20 Jan 10, 10:17 PM shy_sarah UK(M), 4 yrs |
I certainly don't feel ignored or that interest in me has waned! I think the main theme of this post is about the dilemma within me of wanting to be well-behaved and to not incur any wrath and the actuality of being quite headstrong coupled with the time/energy constraints of my Dom's real life. As usual, I'm scrabbling around for a happy medium... Compliance for fun? Hell yes. | ||
| 20 Jan 10, 10:34 PM poutanaki UK(M), 9 yrs |
I agree with what others have said. Plus I relate to what you posted a great deal.
I have often considered myself a high maintenance submissive because I need strong discipline and someone who can assert control over me. If given an inch, I will take a mile The distressing thing is that each thing I get away with makes me feel uncertain and unsteady. I have used the phrase, that "there is too much air around me" to describe it. Meaning that I don't feel the comfort, security and peace of knowing my place and feeling owned. It seems I need a dynamic that is strongly developed and maintained. Though I think once a dynamic is properly established, it doesn't take much maintenance (though what do I know). When it works, I am incredibly obedient, and subservient. When it doesn't I feel lost, and ill at ease. I don't think that I or you are bad submissives. We are just a type of submissive. Your so pretty when your on your knees. Disinfected, eager to please Edited 20 Jan 10, 10:48 PM by poutanaki | ||
| 20 Jan 10, 11:52 PM Dragonfyre UK(M), 5 yrs |
You're perfectly entitled to have your own wants, needs and desires fulfilled by your Dom as he is entitled to have his needs fulfilled by you. In this case, it seems like he isn't pushing your buttons, and you're not being needy at all just because you want him to dominate you. From what you're saying, you're doing all the giving and he's doing all the taking, and you're not so inclined to give any more. | ||
| 21 Jan 10, 9:59 AM Irrepressible_Red UK(M), 5 yrs |
I understand your conflict but this is one of the things I love about you. Don't change! | ||
| 21 Jan 10, 10:01 AM shy_sarah UK(M), 4 yrs |
C'mon people! Making D/s work full time is hard work on both sides, and takes a lot of working at. I don't think it's all my Dom's fault, just as it's not all mine. Any practical thoughts/suggestions? Compliance for fun? Hell yes. Edited 21 Jan 10, 10:03 AM by shy_sarah | ||
| 21 Jan 10, 10:03 AM shy_sarah UK(M), 4 yrs |
Compliance for fun? Hell yes. | ||
| 21 Jan 10, 1:17 PM Irrepressible_Red UK(M), 5 yrs |
Agreed love, and I have to disagree with the posts that have implied you're just giving and he's just taking. Not true at all. I struggle with lack of self discipline constantly, and if someone were trying to enforce a rule, standard or protocol on me it would take a LOT or work for them to make sure I was sticking with it. Having trouble with "just doing it to please him" or even "cause you know it's for your own good" is not a reflection on your willingness or capability to sub. It really is just an aspect of your nature that should be recognised and catered for. From his viewpoint, it is a hard thing to keep check on someone. Real life does get in the way and perhaps the process of checking you're complying and punishing you if you're not can occasionally be overtaken by the desire just to spend some quality time with you? No bad thing if so. Unlike me, you would always be unfailingly honest if you have strayed from the rules, more credit to you for it! I don't think it would be overstepping the mark on occasion to put forth your digressions to him rather than wait for them to be noticed? This might just give him the rise he needs (did I really just type that) do deal with them properly. The control aspect is obviously important to you and I'm sure he knows that. You just might need to occasionally remind each other how important it is, and what you need to do about it! |
. I can find myself struggling to be obedient, even when I really want to be, if I am not clear where my position is, or my boundaries lie. It also has to be said that I am a control freak, and will be controlling if allowed. 