Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Nah, I don't feel like being your Dominant today (53)

This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.

23 Jan 10, 9:46 AM
Pallando
UK, 10 yrs

So, now I have terminology out of my way, to respond to the original poster:

totallycoverme wrote:
Nah, I don't feel like being your Dominant today

this thread about training got me thinking (basically the bit where people discuss the extents and relevance of training by practicing certain things on a regular basis):

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/261351/0

Now bascially, my question is, in a 247 Ds relationship, where's the cut off point in terms of when the Ds has to stop? (if at all of course)

I know a lot of people would strongly say "No! Never! The Ds goes on no matter what's happening and it's not like a switch that you can flip on and off!" and (although maybe less agressively) this is perhaps the view that I would be most inclined to agree with.

I'll talk out of experience here rather than hyperthetically: now what if, (in the context of a so-called 247 Ds relationship) for a period of time, the Dominant just doesn't feel like being Dominant? whereby he might say to his submissive "I just don't feel like it".

Now I'm not talking about SandM here, I'm talking about a supposed 247 relationship where the Dominant "just doesn't feel like it". I've been in this situation and as a submissive it made me feel really lost because I was like "so where do I stand here? what is my role all of a sudden?" Like it just kinda threw everything up into the air a bit.

So yeah, I guess what I'm asking is, a number of things really:

Is the phrase 247 Ds a bit unrealistic?

Is someone really that interested in being your Dominant if they say things like the weekly shop and watching the tele are getting in the way of their dominance? (I was once told that real life gets in the way of having 247 Ds but I really don't believe this to be true and I think it was a bit of an excuse really)

Hmm yeah so I hope my question makes sense, over to you lot

Laura xx

It depends on what they meant by "being dominant". Did they mean they didn't feel like having the submissive do any specific BDSM activities? Did they mean they wanted to give up the Authority to have the submissive do such activities when they do want them to (ie they no longer want the RESPONSIBILITY of having the Authority)? Or did they just not have the energy or inclination to enjoy exerting their dominance at that moment, to bend the submissive to their will?

23 Jan 10, 10:39 AM
saraxx
UK, 7 yrs

Pallando wrote:
....However, as long as Authority is there, Active Control does not need to be 24/7 for the BDSM character of the relationship to be 24/7.....

That is where I am coming from in a nutshell.

I do think that expecting to find a Dom/me who provides the active control at all times, come hell or high water, because the submissive prefers it that way is a bit of a long shot - although I fully accept that some couples do work within such a dynamic.

In a good Ds relationship, I have found that I have no need to push against the boundaries - why? Because I know that the dominance is always there, even if it not being exerted constantly. If a submissive needs such constant 'active control' to feel submissive then they may have a more challenging time than most in finding someone who both wants to, and is able to, exert such relentless control.

To me, based on the type of dynamic that Pallando describes above, 24/7 is entirely accessible and workable.

'A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing'

25 Jan 10, 2:54 AM
Purrverse
US, 7 yrs

totallycoverme wrote:

I suppose this helps explain the difference between taking on a dominant role and being a dominant person.

It will be interesting to see if there are people who fall into one category or the other or simply if realistically, aspiring to 247 is a bit too much of a long shot. I still have faith but part of me thinks that based on the logistic that maybe not that many people are naturally dominant, your choice sounds wise.

I'm more naturally bossy. And I very likely know better than "you", for most variables of youness.

"I can't tell if you're playing some kind of feminazi mind fuck game on me or if you're trying to seduce me." -Sex and Death 101