Nah, I don't feel like being your Dominant today (53)

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/261351/0

Now bascially, my question is, in a 247 Ds relationship, where's the cut off point in terms of when the Ds has to stop? (if at all of course)

I know a lot of people would strongly say "No! Never! The Ds goes on no matter what's happening and it's not like a switch that you can flip on and off!" and (although maybe less agressively) this is perhaps the view that I would be most inclined to agree with.

I'll talk out of experience here rather than hyperthetically: now what if, (in the context of a so-called 247 Ds relationship) for a period of time, the Dominant just doesn't feel like being Dominant? whereby he might say to his submissive "I just don't feel like it".

Now I'm not talking about SandM here, I'm talking about a supposed 247 relationship where the Dominant "just doesn't feel like it". I've been in this situation and as a submissive it made me feel really lost because I was like "so where do I stand here? what is my role all of a sudden?" Like it just kinda threw everything up into the air a bit.

So yeah, I guess what I'm asking is, a number of things really:

Is the phrase 247 Ds a bit unrealistic?

Is someone really that interested in being your Dominant if they say things like the weekly shop and watching the tele are getting in the way of their dominance? (I was once told that real life gets in the way of having 247 Ds but I really don't believe this to be true and I think it was a bit of an excuse really)

Hmm yeah so I hope my question makes sense, over to you lot

Laura xx

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

Edited Wed 20 Jan 10, 6:14 PM by totallycoverme

what if a sub doesn't feel like being subby on a particular day?

DARTFORD MUNCH http://www.dartfordmuch.co.uk

As a submissive I've only really felt like this when I've thought that I don't want to submit to a person at all anymore.

Admittedly, in previous posts a while ago on here, I've mentioned that if one person is having a hard time then a break should be taken but actually, I'm starting to think that even throughout difficulty, a Dominant and submissive would still be able to look after each other emotionally without havign to ignore the Ds dynamic between them entirely (I admit I talk theoretically rather than through experience in this instance)

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

As twue as words spoken under interrogation.
Souci Selfless, After I have had a fag, Controversial X (too many middle names)

From my experience, the D/s elements are awlays there but ........sometimes .....'real life' like shopping and work etc etc mean that the overt physical (play) elements of it become restricted. I think you mention the S&M side of things - those elements are the ones I would include too, as well as sex etc. There may not be time to partake of those things all day every day or one or other of you are too tired to 'play' or make love or whatever. That's what people mean by 'real life' getting in the way I think.

Does that mean the dynamic between a couple has changed? I dont feel it does. What it means is that, like most couples of any persuasion, 'real life' has placed certain demands on us that stop us 'playing'. Sadly!

With regard to the question in the OP about 'I dont want to be Dom today'..... do you mean the Dom does not want to play/scene today? or does not want to take decisions, be 'in charge', hold the power in the relationship and all the other responsibilities of a D/s situation?

I know there have been times (very rarely) I have not wanted to 'play' when my partner has but that does not mean I have 'given up being the Dom' for a day. It means I am tired/ill/busy with work or whatever 'real life' has asked me to deal with.

As you say, being a Dom it is not a switch to be turned on or off as such but 'play' can be.

My thoughts for what they are worth

"Walk softly but carry a big stick."

what if there was no real reason behind not feeling like it though?

I suppose I'm struggling to learn from (botched) experience really. Like what if the Dominant has no substantial worries at the forefront of his life, talks about all the fun and games he's had with other submissives yet can't bring himself to want to Dominate his 247 submissive at the time for weeks/months at a time?

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

The first was "I'm not in the mood" which happened quite often and yes I was lost. I eventually came to the conclusion that he just wasn't that into it. Or me for that matter.

The other is an "enveloping submission" (Strongarm, 2008-ish). There is BD, D/s and SM and he says what happens when. At times the D/s is much more intense than at other times but it never goes away. Sometimes it is turned down, simmering in the background, but it can be turned up again at any moment - and often is when I get too relaxed about it. This includes grocery shopping, television, sightseeing, plays, eating out etc.

Dare I say it might depend on whether or not the individual in question is dominant or role plays at being dominant? Perhaps that is just my experience.

Edited for accuracy.

"I am just about at the end of my rope with you."
"Well, then why don't you tie a noose and slip it around your neck?"

Edited 20 Jan 10, 6:44 PM by yareli

I mean that the Dominant comes up with soooooo many reasons regarding why they don't want to play/ do SandM over a period of months and then begins to become less interested in the day to day Ds dynamic as a whole unless they want a sandwhich making kinda thing

ETA: I suppose this post of mine here is an example that I *think* I know some of the answer to my question and that I'm simply seeking others to explain their own experiences regarding this matter and how to deal with them: like does this sort of thing happen a lot in healthy Ds relationships also?

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

Edited 20 Jan 10, 6:35 PM by totallycoverme

I feel I can relate to what you say about your first experience entirely.

The question in your second paragraph is some brilliant food for thought. Like maybe there are men out there who enjoying Dominating but see it as a role more than a lifestyle thing. I guess this would be a question for both Dominants and submissives to consider before deciding the extent to which they want to embrace bdsm.

I suppose for me, I'm a bit of a fence sitter until taken lol

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

I go along with that statement.

I suppose it would be like a married couple. Sometimes one or the other doesn't feel in the mood for intimacy, but that doesn't stop them being husbamd and wife. However if one decides s/he doesn't feel like being wife/husband for a period of time then the relationship has to come under question.

Michelle

Trussed UK ~****~ Thoughts on BDSM
London Fetish Fair

Pavement? Wowee Zowee!