This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Sun 17 Jan 10, 11:17 PM Shamonu UK, 7 yrs   |
Not real blood but your very essence. If you are a fairly weak and needy person and have fairly low self reliance and esteem, it is very easy to look to someone else to make you feel a lot better. I believe many submissives and slaves fall prey to this. Don't get me wrong, I believe many Dom/mes are equally co dependant. We are mere humans after all. So, have you subs ever felt that you have or are losing the very essence of your being. Maybe you were once a strong, self sufficient person who was proud to be able to rely on you and no one else. Along comes someone you fancy and you both enter a D/s relationship. You may start to lose your self reliance and begin to be moulded into a shadow of your former self. Has that ever happened and if it has, or is, have you or are you resolving it and learning a valuable lesson? She's so pure, Moses could'nt even part her knees.....Joan Rivers on Marie Osmond. | |
| 17 Jan 10, 11:40 PM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
Good question. Someone wanted it to happen to me once in a Ds relationship. I didn't stick around for too long. So to answer your question, I would be very concerned if I started to seem a bit too dependant on another person and I've told my nilla friends to remind me to snap out of it if they see it happening lol It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice | |
| 18 Jan 10, 12:13 AM Shamonu UK, 7 yrs |
I have a few friends who live through their partners. Some people just can't be alone. They might be the best Dom/mes in the world or the most loyal subs/slaves in the world, but they have to have someone else to make them feel needed. Its only if their partner finishes it all or leaves that they realise that they are actually quite weak people. Its always hunky dory until the, well you know. But I also have seen a few people crumble under the weight of dominance. I have also sat with people who are so introvert because they haven't got their other half with them. They become quiet and clingy where as once they were vibrant and independant, shame.. She's so pure, Moses could'nt even part her knees.....Joan Rivers on Marie Osmond. Edited 18 Jan 10, 12:30 AM by Shamonu | |
| 18 Jan 10, 12:14 AM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
omg i think i get exactly what you mean. i think the alarm bells should start when it feels like one or both of the people appear to have little to no interest in anything else...that's just not healthy It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice | |
| 18 Jan 10, 2:15 AM KinkyRoly UK(OX), 3 yrs |
We all have our preferences, but I could never have a relationship with a woman who wasn't strong and independent. My lover is my sub, but she's a very well sorted lady with a mind of her own - just the way I like it. She submits to me out of choice and from a position of strength. That makes her submission all the more valued because it has been earned and needs to be worked at. But the best things in life don't come easy. | |
| 20 Jan 10, 3:45 AM Bellatrix_LeStrange UK, 6 yrs |
I've had it in most of my vanilla relationships, but not in a D/s context. http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/westlondonmunch/ | |
| 20 Jan 10, 8:53 AM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
There can be a fine line between feeling 'incomplete' without a partner to feeling totally dependent on them. In principle, the essence of a good relationship should be that the sum of the parts is greater than the individuals - otherwise why bother? There are too many potential pitfalls in any relationship, D/s or vanilla, to bother if there is no discernible benefit. But nobody should ever feel the need for another to make them happy or 'complete' as a person. If you're not happy in yourself, I don't think you'll never be happy with the addition of another person to your life. But then we are all different, and perhaps some do feel this way. But, if a previously happy person has the life blood sucked out of them by a partner, for whatever reason, it must be an unhealthy relationship. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars" - Oscar Wilde | |
| 20 Jan 10, 9:37 AM vixylix UK, 2 yrs |
I would say, as a sub who has low self esteem, that yes...I do feel better about myself because of my Master. I wouldn't say I was totally dependant on Him (He might say otherwise...lol), I do have my own life and interests and things I need to get on with too. Certain things have caused my self confidence to plummet before I even discovered this part of myself, I used to be extremely confident in myself and my abilities. When you have been knocked down so many times, it does take it's toll. So is there any harm in seeking acceptance and compassion from someone who wants what is best for you? After a few hiccups I am just starting to realise that this relationship is going to help me feel better about myself. I feel wanted, accepted for who I am (in all the gory details!), and made to feel proud of myself and my achievements (both D/s and vanilla). This in turn is boosting my self confidence and self worth, which in turn, both He and I will benefit from. Ok..ok...some of you will say, "you shouldn't need someone else to feel good about yourself" and maybe you are right. But I could not do this alone and just as "people" helped knock me down...i need "someone" to help counter-act that and encourage my inner strength again. As I please Him he feels good, which makes me feel proud, good and capable. So sue me! LOL! So I agree...as long as the relationship (D/s or vanilla) is helping to bring confidence and self worth, and not do the opposite, then it can't all be bad can it. Thank You Master x Edited 20 Jan 10, 9:38 AM by vixylix | |
| 20 Jan 10, 1:49 PM Masters_Delight UK(WD), 4 yrs |
The relationship i'm in now is my first and only D/s relationship. I'm anything but needy. Pushy, bossy, arsy, bolshy maybe but not needy. Maybe i could submit easier if i was a bit more needy.  I think one of the reasons i'm not submissive enough is due to an ex of mine. He had me completely wrapped around his finger. I did everything for him, took all the shit he dished out and still stayed with him because i was scared of being alone. He treated me like absolute shit and i still went back to him like a whipped dog. Walking away from that relationship gave me my backbone back. Several years on my own gave me my confidence back. And nearly 3 years with Sir have given me my self worth back. If anything being with Sir has made me more confident and bolshy but never needy.x I'm so fucking fabulous, i piss glitter. | |
| 20 Jan 10, 2:24 PM Ms_Amaranth UK(WS), 11 yrs |
 The changes brought (by accident and design) in the last 10 years about have made a huge difference to us and our relationship. However we have worked through it and are still going strong. The path is at times rocky and precarious but hell, that is what makes it interesting. Not wanting to go down the twuoo Dom route but it does take someone strong to build their partner up and get them to a stage where their partner is better educated or earns more. I have in the past had relationships where the Dom/Top wanted an ego trip or needed to be depended on to give them their own self worth. I have witnessed it many times round the scene. The problem is, the people in those relationships cannot always see it or maybe do not want to see it themselves. Of course it may be they don't care and are perfectly happy there. Eleanor Roosevelt: The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience. Edited 20 Jan 10, 2:25 PM by Ms_Amaranth | |
| 20 Jan 10, 3:28 PM eloesa UK, 7 yrs       |
OOH ! - I thought this was going to be about vampires from the title ! ... But in answer to the original OP..I haven't ever found my self in this position, I would hope that I would recognise it and move on before I became that dependant and encompassed. Surely, there is no power to EXCHANGE between the couple if she is completely enveloped and living just for her partner and nothing else? elo They say, the best men are moulded out of faults; And, for the most, become much more the better for being a little bad. |
