This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Sat 9 Jan 10, 7:49 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs   |
D/s could be defined as a redistribution of power, with the Dominant holding the majority/all of the power and the submissive giving all of it over. If the submissive has the confidence to not feel weakened by this "loss" and the Dominant has the strength of character not to abuse their control, both could be incredibly empowered and feed each other constantly and consistently, creating a symbiotic relationship. What do you, D or s, feel would be good routes into ensuring that what develops does not become parasitic instead? This could be defined as a dynamic where one or the other is draining or leeching, instead of creating, potential electric energy. "I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." | ||
| 9 Jan 10, 8:12 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
It should always be symbiotic, so that the sum of the parts is greater than the two separately. The only way to ensure that is by open and frank communication at all times, before and especially during any relationship. Failure to communicate, both ways, is the cause of many relationship failures. That said, it is unlikely that any amount of communication can fend off parasitic behaviour, by either a dom or a sub, but it might enable early warning signs to be spotted. Honest feedback on a regular basis can prevent either partner feeling that it is not working for them, the way in which they expected it to. It might not solve any problems, but would at least provide a positive basis for deciding whether there is anything worth pursuing further. The problems arise when either the dom refuses to listen to the sub, or the sub feels unable to voice an opinion to the dom, and the outcome is likely to be terminal. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars" - Oscar Wilde | ||
| 9 Jan 10, 8:26 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
What would the early warning signs be, would you say? "I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." | ||
| 9 Jan 10, 8:35 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
I don't think there are any hard and fast rules, as in any part of any relationship, but failure (or refusal) to talk would be a strong indicator. Beyond that, it's caveat emptor I guess. If it could all be boiled down to a few simple rules, we'd all be happily ensconced with the partner of our dreams. Wouldn't we? "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars" - Oscar Wilde | ||
| 9 Jan 10, 8:50 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
Agreed, it really isn't that simple. But you made me ponder and I was thinking some signs may be someone who constantly talks about past encounters, thus displaying the distinct possibility that it is not *you* that they are having a relationship with, but a fantasy illusion. Or perhaps someone who lies about essential details? Disclaimer- not referring to anyone specific, just pondering... "I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." | ||
| 9 Jan 10, 9:24 PM bighappygoth39 UK(WS), 2 yrs |
I fully believe that total honesty is essential in a D/s relationship,as I've said in another thread. I feel that you can only develop a deep and trusting D/s relationship when you are both completely at ease with each other and feel you can tell each other anything and everything. You need to be able to tell each other if things are not working,if theres some things you enjoy more than others,if theres something you'd love to try,especially for the sub. It's whatever works for the couple basically but I still feel you have to have that basic honesty as a foundation.  | ||
| 9 Jan 10, 10:06 PM Skylon UK(BS), 8 yrs |
On a philosophical note..
Why should it? Because you say so? If people want ot have parasitic relationships who is to say they are wrong? -------------------
[-_-] Ohmmmmmmmm | ||
| 9 Jan 10, 10:16 PM Thistle US, 4 yrs |
I think this may depend upon how new the relationship is and how constant the references to past relationships are. I do bring up past experiences with my dom from time to time, because I tend to use illustrations and anecdotes when I'm talking about interests and dislikes. He, on the other hand, is a true gentleman and rarely brings up his own past experiences. I do find myself asking him from time to time, just because I'm trying to gauge what his experience is with regard to his interests and desires. I just see it as a communication device. I will add, with regard to communication and honesty, that I think they're just as important to the overall relationship as they are to the d/s portions of it. Sometimes, I think the relationship itself can get lost inside the structure.
love the brave but avoid cowards, knowing the gratitude of cowards is small ~Praxilla of Sicyon | ||
| 9 Jan 10, 10:20 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
Ah...a good point...perhaps a parasitic relationship could be damaging long-term? Could you perhaps offer examples of where it would be a "Good Thing"? This is not about proving it is wrong btw, I am genuinely interested in hearing another side of this premise... "I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." | ||
| 9 Jan 10, 10:22 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
Yes, I would hold with the belief that honesty is key, actually in any shape of relationship. "I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." | ||
| 9 Jan 10, 10:24 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
Well said, recounting experience as a means of communication can be very helpful. And a holistic approach, I'm finally learning, is really a postive way forward. "I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands..." Edited 9 Jan 10, 10:25 PM by Adverse_Camber |
