This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 10 Jan 10, 7:49 PM jackthecat UK(BN), 6 yrs   |
Way I see it an open relationship is some thing I have with someone who doesn't put me in a position where I have to lie and sneak around every time I want to play with someone else. http://www.londonalternativemarket.com/
http://www.jacksfloggers.co.uk/Pages/ClubWithNoN...
Eastbourne,s premier (ok only) monthly fetish event | |
| 10 Jan 10, 8:56 PM Teacher1357 UK(LS), 2 yrs |
For me what you are talking about there is him having a 'poly' relationship. Fine if thats what you both want but for me looking after on subbie is quite enough as I am in a vanilla maggiage. That I always declare from the start with any prospective play partner even if we decide on a deeper relationship within the D/s one. There a number who are happy with poly relationships, some would even refer to my situation as poly. However it should all be out in the open from the start so each partner knows exactly what they are getting into. I remember some time ago reading an account of a meeting where the prospective top added at the end of the first meeting 'ohh by the way I am married' or I forgot to say I am married. Thats not on. Hope this helps.
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| 10 Jan 10, 9:18 PM MistressKitten2009 UK(E), 3 yrs |
Could not agree more! Hope you are able to work things out. x Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes? | |
| 10 Jan 10, 9:25 PM viragoangel UK(FY), 5 yrs |
An open relationship means what YOU define it as. If it is genuinely open and honest then surely you discussed this and laid down guidelines. From a personal perspective..i'm married(25years) to a fairly nilla man. He tried to get involved but it was not to his liking so suggested i find a BDSM partner to investigate my kinks further. He has tried relationships with other women but is Monogamous so no longer does. We decided that anyone i was interested in meeting in a D/s..M/s..or BDSM capacity i would first meet in a casual social setting and if i wanted to take it further then the Dom would have to meet my husband. If they refused they got no further. At the end of the day, my husband is my life partner and he has final say on who i see or even if. Without his permission i would not continue seeking other partners. I'm not prepatred to jeopardise my marriage, home or family for what is essentially my own selfish needs. He was not aware of these needs when we married..i probably was but had no name/definition for them..so i can hardly say it's my right to investigate things further. He however loves and trusts me enough to allow me my freedon. You will have your own rules/guidelines to work to so must decide yourself if your partner transgressed. Apologies if i've repeated what someone else may have said but i didn't have time to read the entire thread before responding. jules.x | |
| 10 Jan 10, 9:28 PM shit_sub UK(W), 5 yrs |
mutually incompatible. nuff said. check out www.thenewtopical.com ! | |
| 10 Jan 10, 9:30 PM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
Soooo many people seem to talk the talk but not walk the walk when it comes to "communication" and "honesty".
If I was the head of some kind of poly set up, I'd get EVERYONE concerned sat round a table. Like I'd literally hold a meeting to discuss how's it going, how are we all feeling? what can we do to improve etc etc...now THAT is communication It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice | |
| 10 Jan 10, 9:33 PM gloworm UK(BN), 5 yrs |
Mimi, Some people may wish to know everything about their partners movements/whereabouts while the other is happy sharing their emotions/life with that person but not details of what they do when apart. As their comfort zones do not overlap it is sad that so many relationships fall apart when these expectations do not match especially when so many other aspects of their relationship may be in tune. Good luck with your future.
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| 10 Jan 10, 9:48 PM Mister_Chris UK(M), 2 yrs |
Oh sweet jebus yeah. truth and honesty is paramount. in any relationship, vanilla or bdsm, trust is sooo important. you lose that trust, you lose everything. it's my one golden rule. the truth. the number of people who have lied to me thinking they are 'protecting' me from the truth and lost my trust, and yet the few people who have told me the real truth and found they can have everything they wanted. I dunno... jealousy stems from lies.
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| 10 Jan 10, 10:10 PM kaleid0scope 6 yrs |
Truth & honesty  well sadly I am not so sure, I have tried an open relationship with truth & honesty where my every move was monitored, my emails screened, my im's, my texts, & I had to account for every movement of every minute of every day, & yet, I was always doubted, when I was being true & the relationship ended.Then the next I went in fully honest about me, & from the beginning I asked the question, can you handle it, I was told "yes I think so" which was an honest answer, sadly what couldnt be handled was the way I then looked at a couple of people in clubs so that didnt work either. So in an ideal world, god yes, we should be truthful & honest, but its not an ideal world. But what has become apparent to "me" is actually the only real important thing that matters is trust. Its believing that when your in any relationship open or not, its the one you love, that you come home to at the end of play & at the end of the day. Believing that & knowing you are worth that, to be special enough to be "the one" & maybe the rest, including truth & honesty will slip in place.
Lol but what do I know, after all im on my own so clearly have not found a winning combination yet
All the best in your relationship travels If its fair your after, best you go nilla Edited 10 Jan 10, 10:22 PM by kaleid0scope | |
| 10 Jan 10, 11:16 PM merrynb99 UK(SL), 6 yrs |
For some people an open relationship means they do not believe they need to tell you about all the other partners they are seeing. That's not deceit, it's just the mother of all assumptions. I think if you consent to participate in such a relationship, it is something that should be actively sought by both parties. If one partner merely acquiesces to it to accommodate the other, you are potentially engaging in self-deceit and heading for a world of hurt. A friend of mine once said "expectations are merely premeditated resentments". You have to interrogate your own reasons for participating in such a relationship, and be brutally honest with yourself. Why did you agree to this? What were your expectations? To bring the other closer? This kind of subtle manipulation can sometimes horribly backfire. An open relationship is never a conventional one, and doesn't always provide you with a conventional "happy ever after" relationship. I would say, assume nothing, question everything, check just to be sure, no matter how silly you might feel doing it. After all, it's not only your emotional happiness you're risking, it's your physical health too. A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika (D. Parker) |
