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| Forsaken1 |
It's a funny thing, you sit here in your own little world wanting to contact those that you hold dear and cannot.
Funny to think back to this time last year, all was a tizzy planning my 40th birthday party everything was ticking over as usual, going to Ceasers and having shits and giggles with everyone, generally being the mouth of the party making everybody laugh.~something I was good at~
Then came March party over with one night and my mother dies, two mths later and she's buried, that was the last time I saw my son Steven he was a coffin bearer at her funeral.
Then came the date of dates, the 5am knock at the door which has destroyed the man I was. My life changed in a heartbeat and I lost the will to do anything else other than hide and become a sort of recluse,
In the near 7 mths since I have let my friends down, friends I love dearly! ~yes Cerbie I feel so much guilt still today for not helping you decorate as a surprise for BV~ I feel that we have drifted apart and I hold myself responsible for that and I appologise.
Everyone that has sent me txt's and memo's I feel I have let down by not replying because hey after all I'm meant to be the strong one.......... but I just cant answer.
DK, I love you and your family so much and I'm sorry for not replying to your message but the outside world is a scary place for me, its hard to see everyone happy and carefree, I guess it's something I once took for granted but have become more aware of since.
So whats happened with everything, well its like this..........
I find out this month if the CPS are going to take the man that killed my son to court for his crime. ~fingers crossed on that one~
And I still do not have a release date to bury my son, its killing me that I have no where to go!
Apart from saying sorry to all those I hold in my heart I also wanted to say a public thank you to a very special lady.........
I still don't know to this day why she fell for me, with all those that were chasing her on here to chose from, but I'm glad she did.
My GeeeGeee, you have been my rock, never loosing your temper when I've acted like a cock, always being there when I have fallen apart to pick me up, I know this has been just as hard for you to go through and I'm sorry that I cannot be your rock.
I love you with all my heart, and no! you still don't annoy me! ~smiles~
Take care folks.
Love D x
| 3 Jan 10, 3:39 PM Kali_Ma UK(B), 5 yrs |
Know you are missed, don't feel guilty. Good friends (and I know you have many) will give you all the space you need. No one could possibly cope with the shit you've had thrown at you. I'm sending you and that gorgeous girl of yours very good thoughts for the New Year. Stay strong. Sx 'My Brothers, My Sisters, My Blood...' | |
| 3 Jan 10, 3:43 PM MisterBear UK(WA), 8 yrs   |
She's just not trying hard enough. Good to hear from you. I've not been in contact as I figured you'd need time to sort things out. Although I thought things would have settled down by now. But hopefully it won't be long now and then you can move on and become that big mouth of the party again. Hugs mate. x I always behave. I just don't specify how. | |
| 3 Jan 10, 3:44 PM FionualaHLC UK(RG), 5 yrs |
People may never truly be able to understand just what you are going through, for it is so outside most experiences, but I do think they empathise considering the situation. I am sure there is nothing you need to say sorry for, take the time you need for you. Sending you nothing but good thoughts, H | |
| 3 Jan 10, 4:03 PM dominalush UK(RG), 5 yrs  |
memos are not sent in expectation of a reply...they are sent with hearts full of love and sorrow for you big man...you have let nobody down.you will be back when you are ready and only you will know when that is.I send so much love to you and geegee.your mate,min xxx to give pain is my pleasure...... | |
| 3 Jan 10, 4:05 PM miss_plum UK(B), 4 yrs |
It's exactly the opposite.... you haven't let a single one of us down. I feel like I'm letting you down, buy not being able to do anything to help. There won't be a single one of your friends that will think any differently of you for you being away. We're all still here, still just as much your friends, looking forward to different times. Love to you both, and to the rest of the crew, and you know where I am. It's just lovely to hear from you Big hugs, plummy xxx May you live as long as you want.... | |
| 3 Jan 10, 4:12 PM andrewsean UK(CO), 5 yrs |
Mistress and I were totally unaware of this, if we had known we would have offered support and friendship long before now, many people suffer loss and heartache on an everyday basis and we walk on by in our own little worlds but when it hits someone in a small community like the bdsm scene it hits hard, it makes you realise that someone you may actually meet one day is hurting. The pain will never leave you, it is just that with time you will be better able to cope with that which hurts you. I think absolutely everyone on here will join Mistress and I in saying that we all hope that you may reach peace soon and when you are ready to return to us we will be waiting for you. Lyn/xtanyaxcheeksx and Andrewsean/Andrea xx Treat problems like a dog would.....If you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it and walk away. Edited 3 Jan 10, 4:13 PM by andrewsean | |
| 3 Jan 10, 4:56 PM Wiley_Kit UK(PE), 7 yrs |
I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling, so I havent any words of wisdom to add, I just want to show you, theres another person thinking about you. xxx I can't believe I've no control | |
| 3 Jan 10, 5:00 PM mrs_whipkick UK(CB), 8 yrs |
D I have always classed you as a dear friend, and had no expections of a reply to a memo etc. I/we know that it takes time to heal, and Greif is a funny ole thing takes us all differently and we all react differently. I don't think anyone had any expectations of when you would/will get out and about again. I'm sorry your are still going through shit, and still don't have answers or a place you can go. I hope it all gets resolved soon though. and maybe then you can start to heal a little. In our thoughts. x
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| 3 Jan 10, 5:12 PM fen_fatale UK(CB), 8 yrs |
Friends are there, always, there is never expectation of reply, true friendship gives but never expects to take back. You have a lot of very good and true friends who whilst not knowing or feeling what you are going through, can understand that it is hard and you need to deal with it however you need to deal with it. They will be there when you return, understanding why life is on hold for you and not wanting you to feel guilty. With regards to them not releasing the body, this is a dreadful thing for you, as you said there is nowhere for you to go. In the interim Is there anywhere you can go which holds a strong happy memory for you both? He will after all be there in spirit too! x | |
| 3 Jan 10, 5:22 PM Jahc99 UK, 5 yrs |
Second that. Why poison your liver when I could eat it for you? |
